CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
Irrelevant retired chat show host Michael "Parky" Parkinson today launched a blistering attack on anyone other than himself who still appears on television in any capacity.
"These modern young people don't know they're born, I say, they don't know they're born!" said Parky, pointing at something. "In my day, you had to be Michael Parkinson to be on tv. But now they'll let young people with modern ideas who aren't old and aren't me on tv! What's the point of them, I say, what's the point of them?"
Parky began drooling for several minutes before speaking again.
"I interviewed Muhammed Ali you know, thought he were going to thump me one, I say, I thought he were going to thump me one!"
Parky then pulled a copy of Russell Brand's Booky Wook out of his pants.
"Books with funny names," he said, shaking his head slowly. "Pointless! In my day, all comedians were named Billy Connolly and were Billy Connolly. October? That's the name of a month! Was one of his jokes. I never really got it."
At this point, Parky got up, went to the window, watched some children playing with a ball for several minutes, then banged the window and shook his head.
"Young people, they've all got phones they carry about with them! Where was I? Oh yeah, Konnie Huq. What a bitch! In my day they wouldn't let a woman with a skirt that short present The Xtra Factor. But you know what? I'm not going to give them any more press coverage. Even though the only reason I'm actually getting any press coverage is because I'm talking about them, I'm not going to talk about them anymore! Remember when I interviewed Jodie Foster? I could tell she was a dyke, I could!"
"These modern young people don't know they're born, I say, they don't know they're born!" said Parky, pointing at something. "In my day, you had to be Michael Parkinson to be on tv. But now they'll let young people with modern ideas who aren't old and aren't me on tv! What's the point of them, I say, what's the point of them?"
Parky began drooling for several minutes before speaking again.
"I interviewed Muhammed Ali you know, thought he were going to thump me one, I say, I thought he were going to thump me one!"
Parky then pulled a copy of Russell Brand's Booky Wook out of his pants.
"Books with funny names," he said, shaking his head slowly. "Pointless! In my day, all comedians were named Billy Connolly and were Billy Connolly. October? That's the name of a month! Was one of his jokes. I never really got it."
At this point, Parky got up, went to the window, watched some children playing with a ball for several minutes, then banged the window and shook his head.
"Young people, they've all got phones they carry about with them! Where was I? Oh yeah, Konnie Huq. What a bitch! In my day they wouldn't let a woman with a skirt that short present The Xtra Factor. But you know what? I'm not going to give them any more press coverage. Even though the only reason I'm actually getting any press coverage is because I'm talking about them, I'm not going to talk about them anymore! Remember when I interviewed Jodie Foster? I could tell she was a dyke, I could!"
