CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
(An attractive woman is sitting a bench reading a newspaper. A man sits down beside her. She looks at him and smiles as he sits down, but he purposely looks away from her. He takes out a different newspaper and starts reading it. After a while he looks at the woman and appears to notice how attractive she is. Several times he looks like he's about to say something, but each time he stops himself. Eventually, he stares blatantly at the woman for a full minute, but she says nothing. He finally goes back to his paper.)
Woman: Did you want something?
Man: No. Yes! No! That is to say...no. Yes! We're reading the same paper, that's all it was...no.
Woman: They're different papers.
Man: Oh, well, they all look alike to me. Haha. I'm blind. No, I'm not really. Haha.
Woman: Are you finished?
Man: I think I am.
Woman: Okay.
Man: Super.
(They read their respective papers again for another minute. The man looks angry with himself. He eventually rips his paper up and throws the pieces on the ground..)
Woman: Why did you do that?
Man: I didn't like the news.
Woman: Well you can't just throw it on the ground, that's littering.
Man: Is it? What's the difference? What difference does one more newspaper blowing in the wind make?
Woman: ...just don't do it again.
Man: Maybe I'll die today. Then I'll never have to sit on this bench with you again!
Woman: No one's making you sit here.
Man: Aren't they, Lisa? AREN'T THEY!?
Woman: That's not my name.
Man: I know...Anna.
Woman: Just because we were MARRIED FOR TEN YEARS AND IT ENDED IN A BITTER DIVORCE doesn't mean we can't be friends.
Man: Yes it does!
(The woman suddenly throws her paper into the air and pounces unto the man's lap. The kiss frantically but then she pulls herself away.)
Woman: NO! This is wrong...curse you!
Man: Curse me? Aye, I may well have been cursed! Do you know what my life has been like since our divorce?
Woman: Yes, I've been stalking you.
Man: Really? I've been stalking you, too! That's why I bought the news paper, to hide behind!
Woman: Oh my God, me too!
Man: Maybe we DO have more in common than we realised. Maybe we can make this crazy marriage work.
Woman: The divorce has already been finalised.
Man: SHOT DOWN CRUELLY IN FLAMES ONCE MORE.
Woman: Yeah...
Man: I might kill myself.
Woman: Why?
Man: For a laugh.
Woman: Not because life is so empty and meaningless?
Man: No, just for a laugh. Hehe!
Woman: I hate you.
Man: I love you too.
(The woman pulls a loaf of bread out of her coat and sticks it in the man's face.)
Woman: HERE'S YOUR STINKING BREAD!
(She storms off. The man looks bemused.)
Man: The truth is, I've never even met her before!
FIN
Woman: Did you want something?
Man: No. Yes! No! That is to say...no. Yes! We're reading the same paper, that's all it was...no.
Woman: They're different papers.
Man: Oh, well, they all look alike to me. Haha. I'm blind. No, I'm not really. Haha.
Woman: Are you finished?
Man: I think I am.
Woman: Okay.
Man: Super.
(They read their respective papers again for another minute. The man looks angry with himself. He eventually rips his paper up and throws the pieces on the ground..)
Woman: Why did you do that?
Man: I didn't like the news.
Woman: Well you can't just throw it on the ground, that's littering.
Man: Is it? What's the difference? What difference does one more newspaper blowing in the wind make?
Woman: ...just don't do it again.
Man: Maybe I'll die today. Then I'll never have to sit on this bench with you again!
Woman: No one's making you sit here.
Man: Aren't they, Lisa? AREN'T THEY!?
Woman: That's not my name.
Man: I know...Anna.
Woman: Just because we were MARRIED FOR TEN YEARS AND IT ENDED IN A BITTER DIVORCE doesn't mean we can't be friends.
Man: Yes it does!
(The woman suddenly throws her paper into the air and pounces unto the man's lap. The kiss frantically but then she pulls herself away.)
Woman: NO! This is wrong...curse you!
Man: Curse me? Aye, I may well have been cursed! Do you know what my life has been like since our divorce?
Woman: Yes, I've been stalking you.
Man: Really? I've been stalking you, too! That's why I bought the news paper, to hide behind!
Woman: Oh my God, me too!
Man: Maybe we DO have more in common than we realised. Maybe we can make this crazy marriage work.
Woman: The divorce has already been finalised.
Man: SHOT DOWN CRUELLY IN FLAMES ONCE MORE.
Woman: Yeah...
Man: I might kill myself.
Woman: Why?
Man: For a laugh.
Woman: Not because life is so empty and meaningless?
Man: No, just for a laugh. Hehe!
Woman: I hate you.
Man: I love you too.
(The woman pulls a loaf of bread out of her coat and sticks it in the man's face.)
Woman: HERE'S YOUR STINKING BREAD!
(She storms off. The man looks bemused.)
Man: The truth is, I've never even met her before!
FIN
