Gagh
Χριστόφορος
You know how American TV try to guess what we British folk are like, and it nearly always comes over as entirely fake, embarrassing, and insulting? Bowler hats, cup of tea, 'Not bloody likely', and all that shit?
Perhaps we can aid them in this thread and give them some real insight into British ways. I know BDM will find this interesting, as he believes we all speak like Mr Belvedere, and actually read his golf threads (
).
I'll get us started:
1) For over 40 years it has been the tradition of British schoolchildren (when they're not wagging off school, having kids, robbing the elderly, vandalising phoneboxes, getting drunk & sparking up a fatty) to play 'conkers'.
'Conkers' is the name of a game, and the seed from the Horse Chestnut tree.
These fall from the trees typically around September time, and are harvested by school-children all over Great Britain.
The conkers are then 'drilled' through the centre, and 'strung', usually with a bootlace with a knot tied at one end.
Children then participate in the game of conkers. This involves swinging one with a characteristic flick of the wrist at another held by another child. The child holding his conker will extend his arm out fully, and let the conker dangle.
The winner will be the first conker to smash the other off the string. Scores are then attributed to the conkers. If it is the conker's first game, each will have a score of '0', the winner will be given 1 point. The winning conker will also take on all of the points of the loser, and can be referred to by its number (i.e. "I have a sixty-fiver).
Conkers is a very popular game with the 'Chav' population. Not only do they play conkers, but eat them. Generally, they are poisonous, but if eaten in small quantities with a typical Chav drink (Bacardi Breezer, Aftershock, ect) they will take on hallucinogenic properties.
Over the last two years or so, it has been common in Britain's larger, more built-up cities for gangs of Chav children to take to the streets commiting crime, and frequently copulating openly in public whilst high on conkers. The term 'Conkered' is commonly applied to these children (i.e. "Those Chavs are well Conkered").
In everyday public life for adults, Conkers are still used on an infrequent basis. At British weddings it has been known for the groom to wear a conker in place of a flower in the lapel, for instance. Other adults keep a 'lucky conker' in the pocket, and on one occasion the conker has saved somebody's life in a stabbing attempt.
So - that's conkers. I hope it's been of some use to my American friends.
Perhaps we can aid them in this thread and give them some real insight into British ways. I know BDM will find this interesting, as he believes we all speak like Mr Belvedere, and actually read his golf threads (
).I'll get us started:
1) For over 40 years it has been the tradition of British schoolchildren (when they're not wagging off school, having kids, robbing the elderly, vandalising phoneboxes, getting drunk & sparking up a fatty) to play 'conkers'.
'Conkers' is the name of a game, and the seed from the Horse Chestnut tree.
These fall from the trees typically around September time, and are harvested by school-children all over Great Britain.
The conkers are then 'drilled' through the centre, and 'strung', usually with a bootlace with a knot tied at one end.
Children then participate in the game of conkers. This involves swinging one with a characteristic flick of the wrist at another held by another child. The child holding his conker will extend his arm out fully, and let the conker dangle.
The winner will be the first conker to smash the other off the string. Scores are then attributed to the conkers. If it is the conker's first game, each will have a score of '0', the winner will be given 1 point. The winning conker will also take on all of the points of the loser, and can be referred to by its number (i.e. "I have a sixty-fiver).
Conkers is a very popular game with the 'Chav' population. Not only do they play conkers, but eat them. Generally, they are poisonous, but if eaten in small quantities with a typical Chav drink (Bacardi Breezer, Aftershock, ect) they will take on hallucinogenic properties.
Over the last two years or so, it has been common in Britain's larger, more built-up cities for gangs of Chav children to take to the streets commiting crime, and frequently copulating openly in public whilst high on conkers. The term 'Conkered' is commonly applied to these children (i.e. "Those Chavs are well Conkered").
In everyday public life for adults, Conkers are still used on an infrequent basis. At British weddings it has been known for the groom to wear a conker in place of a flower in the lapel, for instance. Other adults keep a 'lucky conker' in the pocket, and on one occasion the conker has saved somebody's life in a stabbing attempt.
So - that's conkers. I hope it's been of some use to my American friends.
