Poetry Thread

[jack]

Ode to the Neckbeard

O hairy mantle of the neck
Woolly growth of my gorget
In winter’s grip best worn
In sticky summer best shorn
Shorthand for unrepentant geeks
Whose itchy beard of Cheetos reeks
Look at Gilgamesh and Nut
Who did Sumerian throatlocks strut
And know that though it may seem odd
The neckbeard is the beard of gods.

 

[jack]

What is Cro-magnon Poetry??

It is poetry without pretention, without slavishness to form, or fashion, or profit. It doesn't use words like 'littoral', it speaks a plain English, it resonates with any normal people who read it.

I hope you enjoy it.

 

[jack]

Possibly the worst thing a man can do to himself
if he’s not Amish
or a serial killer
is grow a neckbeard.

It’s basically the uniform of the physically unloveable.
A regular beard is a fine thing
if properly groomed
and maintained,
it shows a level of care and respect for one’s self,
while the neckbeard grows like mildew
across neck grout
and demonstrates only that you’re clearly still alive
as parts of you are getting bushier.

If neckbeard
were a personality trait,
it would be like ending every anecdote with a story about smells you produce in the bathroom
no one wants to endure that
and
it’s a pretty decent way to ensure
only people who are like you want to hang around you,
and that includes women.

Ever seen a girl with a neckbeard?
You want to be with her
as much as she wants to be with you.

A hassle though it may be,
we need to convince the people
in our lives with neckbeard undergrowth
to take
the 10 minutes a week
required
to remove the neckbeard and style it into something a little less Cro-Magnon.

It’ll make them more approachable
and less scary
to kids
and college girls
alike.

 

[jack]

 

[jack]

Here's how to get rid of a neckbeard once and for all

 

[Odd Sock]

that's what you will look like soon