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Really Awful Jokes About Hunchbacks

jack

jack

The Legendary Troll King
HUNCHBACK'S WIFE: I'm getting worried about that back of yours. It looks really awful. Perhaps you should see a doctor. Eventually, after a lot of persuasion the Huchback goes to the doctor.

DOCTOR: I want you to get undressed. ( Hunchback removes jacket then stops)

HUNCHBACK: I don't like getting undressed.

DOCTOR: If you want me to examine your back you'll have to get undressed. ( Hunchback removes his shirt but leaves his vest on.)

HUNCHBACK: I don't like showing people my back. They always laugh at me.

DOCTOR: Do you want me to examine your back or not? ( Very reluctantly the hunchback removes his vest ( woollen undergarment in UK ))

DOCTOR: How long is it since you were at school?

HUNCHBACK: Over 30 years. Why?

DOCTOR: Did you ever wonder what happened to your backpack?
 
How do you turn Hunchie into a dog?

You tie him up, pour gasoline on him, light a match and watch him go "WOOF"
 
How is Rall's settlement with Hunchie like a Florida Hurricane?

Either way, someone loses their trailer.
 
What do you do if you see Hellman having an epileptic fit in the tub?

QUICK! Throw your laundry in!
 
The Hunchback of Notre Dame is about to retire, and has been notified by his bosses that he must first find a replacement bell ringer.
He places a notice in the "Help Wanted" section of the local paper, and one day an applicant climbs the stairs to the bell tower, in search of employment.

The Hunchback cautions him on the dangers involved in the job - mainly, that of slipping and falling to one's death while bell ringing. The applicant seems unimpressed by this, and explains to the Hunchback that he comes from a long line of bell ringers, and that his family uses a special bell ringing technique.

The Hunchback, eager to see this, asks him to audition. The applicant goes up to a large bell perched high in the tower, pulls it towards him, and smashes his forehead into it to make it sound. Dazed from the impact, he stumbles and falls from the tower to his death below. The Hunchback climbs down there to find a crowd gathered and a policeman who says, "I see someone fell from your bell tower - do you know who he is?"

The Hunckback replies, "No, but his face rings a bell ..."

The next day, another applicant arrives for the job. It turns out this fellow is the brother of the one who fell to his death the other day.

In like manner, he demonstrates his familial bell-ringing technique, and he, too, stumbles and falls to his death below. The Hunchback again ambles down to check out the scene, where the policeman says, "Hmmm. ... another one ... did you know him well?"

The Hunchback replies, "No, but he's a dead ringer for his brother ..."
 
Transylvania vacation
Bob Hill and his new wife Betty were vacationing in Europe, as it happens, near Transylvania. They were driving in a rental car along a rather deserted highway. It was late, and raining very hard. Bob could barely see 20 feet in front of the car.

Suddenly the car skids out of control! Bob attempts to control the car, but to no avail! The car swerves and smashes into a tree.

Moments later, Bob shakes his head to clear the fog. Dazed, he looks over at the passenger seat and sees his wife unconscious, with her head bleeding! Despite the rain and unfamiliar countryside, Bob knows he has to carry her to the nearest phone.

Bob carefully picks his wife up and begins trudging down the road. After a short while, he sees a light. He heads towards the light, which is coming from an old, large house. He approaches the door and knocks.

A minute passes. A small, hunched man opens the door. Bob immediately blurts, "Hello, my name is Bob Hill, and this is my wife Betty. We've been in a terrible accident, and my wife has been seriously hurt. Can I please use your phone??"

"I'm sorry," replied the hunchback, "but we don't have a phone. My master is a Doctor; come in and I will get him!"

Bob brings his wife in. An elegant man comes down the stairs. "I'm afraid my assistant may have misled you. I am not a medical doctor; I am a scientist. However, it is many miles to the nearest clinic, and I have had a basic medical training. I will see what I can do. Igor, bring them down to the laboratory."

With that, Igor picks up Betty and carries her downstairs, with Bob following closely. Igor places Betty on a table in the lab. Bob collapses from exhaustion and his own injuries, so Igor places Bob on an adjoining table.

After a brief examination, Igor's master looks worried. "Things are serious, Igor. Prepare a transfusion." Igor and his master work feverishly, but to no avail. Bob and Betty Hill are no more.

The Hills' deaths upset Igor's master greatly. Wearily, he climbs the steps to his conservatory, which houses his grand piano. For it is here that he has always found solace. He begins to play, and a stirring, almost haunting, melody fills the house.

Meanwhile, Igor is still in the lab tidying up. His eyes catch movement, and he notices the fingers on Betty's hand twitch. Stunned, he watches as Bob's arm begins to rise! He is further amazed as Betty sits straight up!

Unable to contain himself, he dashes up the stairs to the conservatory. He bursts in and shouts to his master:

"Master, Master! ... The Hills are alive with the sound of music!
 
A man with one wooden eye goes to a dance hall where he sees a woman with a hunched back.

Trembling with fear of rejection he asks her: "Would you care to dance?"

Eagerly she responds: "Would I?"

Dejected and humiliated, the man with one wooden eye shouts: "Hunchback!"
 
Un calvo pasa por la calle y se cruza con uno que lleva joroba, y le dice:
--¿Qué llevas en la mochila??
A lo que el jorobado le contesta:
--¡Tu peine imbécil!
Translation:
A bald headed man is going along the street, and meets a [man] who is carrying a hunch[back] (a roundabout way of saying a hunchback), and says to him:
"What do you have in the knapsack?"
At which the hunchback answers him:
"Your comb, imbecile!"
Why is it funny?
Pretty self-explanatory. A couple of interesting aspects:
Calvo is the proper word for a bald man. Mexicans, though, have some fun with it, and call bald men pelón ("big hair"). Carlos Salinas de Gortari was one of the most rapacious presidents Mexico has had, and was (and is) cordially hated by most Mexicans. Salinas is also bald and short of stature, leading to his being conttemptuously dismissed as El Peloncito ("Little Baldy")
Also, peine is very close in pronunciation to pene (penis). If you want to say "comb", be very careful to give the ei combination its full value. Otherwise you might embarrass yourself!
Imbécil is the insult of choice in Latin America to hurl at drivers who aren't driving as the insulter thinks they should.
 
A club-footed Eritrean lesbian dwarf hunchback walks into a bar and orders a schnapps.

The bartender hands her the drink and says, “We don’t get many club-footed Eritrean lesbian dwarf hunchbacks in here.”

The club-footed Eritrean lesbian dwarf hunchback pulls out a .357 Magnum, drills the bartender right between the eyes, and says, “That’ll teach you to wield your oppressive patriarchal racist homophobic ableism at the expense of the powerless and disenfranchised!”
 
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