CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
(PETER PARKER'S high school class are attending a SCIENCE THING at a SCIENCE PLACE. Peter, MARY-JANE WATSON, GWEN STACEY, FLASH THOMPSON and HARRY OSBORN are all there. Peter is wearing a hoodie with the hood up and looking surly.)
Scientist: Now, could anyone tell me what a radioactive spider is?
Flash: A spider that listens to the radio a lot?
(Mary Jane and Gwen both laugh.)
Peter: You idiot, that's not what it is. Jesus wept!
Harry: Now now, Peter, don't be starting nothing with Flash...
Peter: SHUT UP, Osborn. You only became friends with me because your dad won't pay you any attention!
Gwen: Oh give it up, emo boy. You might hate the world but the rest of us hate you more!
Scientist: Now stop arguing in front of the spiders, you'll rile them up!
Peter: They should be riled, what with the state of the economy and global warming! AT LEAST I THINK ABOUT THINGS, WHORE!
Flash: Take it easy, pal.
Peter: SHURRRRR UP!
(Peter takes a SWING at Flash but MISSES and hits the RELEASE MECHANIMS on the SPIDER ENCLOSURE somehow.)
Scientist: SHIIIIIIT they're out, you kids are on your OWN!
(The scientist hids in a SPIDER PROOF BUNKER and looks the door. A RADIOCATIVE SPIDER jumps on Peter's neck.)
Mary Jane: Holy shit, it's going to bite you!
(Peter flicks it off his neck and crushes it under foor.)
Peter: Meh.
Harry: Huh.
Scientist: Ah, yes, well, the radiation slowed that particular spider down, so it would have taken eight hours to bite you.
Flash: So what were you freaking out over that retarded spider for, ya mook?
Scientist: I wasn't scared of that spider...I was scared of THAT one!
(A GIANT EIGHTEEN FOOT TALL RADIOACTIVE SPIDER WHICH IS GLOWING GREEN enters the lab.)
Harry: There's always a bigger spider.
(The spider LURCHES towards Mary Jane and Gwen, obviously SEXUALLY AROUSED by them...but Peter jumps in front of it.)
Peter: Take me, you scum. I'm ready to die anyway.
Mary Jane and Gwen: NO, PETER, BUT I'M SECRETLY IN LOVE WITH YOU!
(They both GLARE at each other after this SHOCKING ADMISSION.)
Peter: Sucks for you then.
(The spider tries to BITE Peter but he JUMPS out of the way and FLIPS in mid air and LANDS on its BACK.)
Flash: How the frick did he do that?
Harry: It's like he's some kind of spider...man.
(Peter SNAPS the spider's NECK with his bare HANDS.)
Peter: Who's next?
(Mary Jane, Gwen AND THE REST OF THE CLASS WHO ARE THERE BUT DIDN'T GET ANY LINES all applaud. Flash looks jealous. Harry looks excited because he's gay in this version. From the SHADOWS too FIGURES watch. One steps out of the SHADOWS. He's an old man.)
Old Man: The kid did it, he really did it.
FEMALE VOICE: I told you, he is The One.
Old Man: I don't know about that.
(The steps out of the shadows. She's an OLD WOMAN wearing a LEATHER CATSUIT.)
Old Woman: It is written...BEN.
Ben: But our own nephew...it's hard to believe...MAY.
May: Yet it is so. He will usher in the era of marvels. The era of the spider man.
TO BE CONTINUED
Scientist: Now, could anyone tell me what a radioactive spider is?
Flash: A spider that listens to the radio a lot?
(Mary Jane and Gwen both laugh.)
Peter: You idiot, that's not what it is. Jesus wept!
Harry: Now now, Peter, don't be starting nothing with Flash...
Peter: SHUT UP, Osborn. You only became friends with me because your dad won't pay you any attention!
Gwen: Oh give it up, emo boy. You might hate the world but the rest of us hate you more!
Scientist: Now stop arguing in front of the spiders, you'll rile them up!
Peter: They should be riled, what with the state of the economy and global warming! AT LEAST I THINK ABOUT THINGS, WHORE!
Flash: Take it easy, pal.
Peter: SHURRRRR UP!
(Peter takes a SWING at Flash but MISSES and hits the RELEASE MECHANIMS on the SPIDER ENCLOSURE somehow.)
Scientist: SHIIIIIIT they're out, you kids are on your OWN!
(The scientist hids in a SPIDER PROOF BUNKER and looks the door. A RADIOCATIVE SPIDER jumps on Peter's neck.)
Mary Jane: Holy shit, it's going to bite you!
(Peter flicks it off his neck and crushes it under foor.)
Peter: Meh.
Harry: Huh.
Scientist: Ah, yes, well, the radiation slowed that particular spider down, so it would have taken eight hours to bite you.
Flash: So what were you freaking out over that retarded spider for, ya mook?
Scientist: I wasn't scared of that spider...I was scared of THAT one!
(A GIANT EIGHTEEN FOOT TALL RADIOACTIVE SPIDER WHICH IS GLOWING GREEN enters the lab.)
Harry: There's always a bigger spider.
(The spider LURCHES towards Mary Jane and Gwen, obviously SEXUALLY AROUSED by them...but Peter jumps in front of it.)
Peter: Take me, you scum. I'm ready to die anyway.
Mary Jane and Gwen: NO, PETER, BUT I'M SECRETLY IN LOVE WITH YOU!
(They both GLARE at each other after this SHOCKING ADMISSION.)
Peter: Sucks for you then.
(The spider tries to BITE Peter but he JUMPS out of the way and FLIPS in mid air and LANDS on its BACK.)
Flash: How the frick did he do that?
Harry: It's like he's some kind of spider...man.
(Peter SNAPS the spider's NECK with his bare HANDS.)
Peter: Who's next?
(Mary Jane, Gwen AND THE REST OF THE CLASS WHO ARE THERE BUT DIDN'T GET ANY LINES all applaud. Flash looks jealous. Harry looks excited because he's gay in this version. From the SHADOWS too FIGURES watch. One steps out of the SHADOWS. He's an old man.)
Old Man: The kid did it, he really did it.
FEMALE VOICE: I told you, he is The One.
Old Man: I don't know about that.
(The steps out of the shadows. She's an OLD WOMAN wearing a LEATHER CATSUIT.)
Old Woman: It is written...BEN.
Ben: But our own nephew...it's hard to believe...MAY.
May: Yet it is so. He will usher in the era of marvels. The era of the spider man.
TO BE CONTINUED
