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SEPH: The Movie first trailer

CaptainWacky

CaptainWacky

I want to smell dark matter
SICK FUCK Films presents...

(Seph is surrounded by twelve neds armed with various chibs. DODGY BARRY steps forward.)

Dodgy Barry: It's over, Seph. You have no weapon. You can't escape us.

Seph: No but I can kill at least half of you with my bare hands and probably bite a few ears off the others.

Dodgy Barry: You should have joined my gang, Seph! The drug trade for this entire town would have been ours!

Seph: I'm my own gang. You going to stand around talking or are we fucking going to do this?

(Dodgy Barry signals to the boys to advance on Seph. But suddenly a GREEN LIGHT consumes eight of them! They turned to DUST. The other three run off. Only Dodgy Barry is left.)

Dodgy Barry: Come back you cowards! Don't let a green light that turns people to dust scare you!

(Seph chins Dodgy Barry.)

Seph: Cunt.

(An alien steps out of the bushes holding a GIGANTIC GUN.)

Seph: Well that explains that fucking mystery.

Alien: Surrender, Earthling. With this gun I could destroy a small town.

Seph: A small town, you say? You know what I think?

Alien: What do you think?

Seph: I think you're not thinking big enough. Join me and we'll fucking fuck up the world for a laugh then do some alien drugs on your flying saucer til morning.

(The Alien looks intrigued. QUICK CUT to several scenes of Seph and the Alien killing people, Seph smoking a cigar while running over Dodgy Barry with a steamroller, Seph shrugging as he walks away from a burning city.)

Alien: When do we start!

COMING SUMMER 2014
 
SICK FUCK Films usually just uses out of work porn stars for the supporting roles (Seph will be playing Seph.)
 
I was disappointed by the lack of patellas but I guess they have to hold some stuff back for the actual movie.
 
Hey, they didn't spring all 3 Deathly Hallows on Harry in Book 1...they just gave him a li'l taste, y'know, first hit's free.
 
I hope they can convince Menty to come back even if it's only for a cameo and he just talks about Arsenal.
 
There is no need for a Drama Horn in this particular trailer.

Seph appears rational in this trailer, i hope he loses his marbles at some point.
 
Having a hard time getting the full trailer cleared for progress...they went me to drop the "ritualistic Satanic behaviour" but that's the comedy relief!
 
stab them, in their soft parts, they will soon bow and fulfil your artistic needs.
 
I wonder which film has the most deaths? Man of Steel probably ranks pretty highly. Superman killed a few thousand himself and then you've got all the Kryptons on top.
 
Full trailer finally got approved after I performed degrading sexual acts on the entire classification board!

______________________________________________________________________________________

SICK FUCK FILMS PRESENTS...

A KEN BASTARD FILM...

(Seph and the alien are in Seph's kitched drinking tea.)

Alien: I'm a wanted alien, Seph. My people are hunting me down. They finally found me on the Earth's moon and said they would destroy the whole planet to get to me! I came to Earth to warn huamnity, but I found out that you're all a bunch of cunts so I decided to kill you all first with my cool gun. Now I don't really know what to do. Can you help me?

(Seph has walked away and is punching Dodgy Barry who has handcuffed to his fridge.)

Seph: Sorry, got bored. Sure, let's kill your people/my people. Either way is good.

THIS SUMMER...

(Seph is flying the alien's spaceship while the alien shoots his gun out the back.)

Alien: Seph, you don't know how to fly this thing

Seph: Maybe not...but I know how to crash it!

(Seph crashes the ship into the White House. He lands in bed beside Barack and Michelle Obama.)

Obama: Oh say can you see!

Seph: Fuck you.

(Seph punches them both. )

ACTION

(Seph having a knife fight with a bear.)

(Seph kicks a bishop into the path of a train.)

SEX

(Seph is getting off with a green-skinned woman.)

Alien: That's my wife!

Seph: You did well for yourself, lad!

VIOLENCE

(Seph flays the skin off the soles of Dodgy Barr's feet.)

Dodgy Barry: Just let me die!

Seph: Nah.

DANGER

(An alien overlord is meeting with Seph's old enemy Keith the Cunt.)

Overlord: Then it's agreed. You'll kill Seph and MY SON for me and I'll give you ten tons of SPACE COCAINE.

Keith the Cunt: Fuck yeah!

DRAMA

(The "BWAAAAM" sound from all movie trailers plays. Seph sighs, jumps off the top of the Statue of Liberty, and tears apart the drama horn on the roof of a passing enemy spaceship.)

Seph: Fucking horns.

TWISTS

(Seph and The Rock are standing over many dead bodies.)

Seph: You know what, The Rock? You're not so bad after all.

The Rock: Let's get up to our nipples in guts!

(Seph and The Rock run after a bus full of bikni clad models.)

AND MORE

(Seph and the alien playing badminton.)

SEPH THE MOVIE

(Seph and the alien are doing alien drugs in his flying saucer.)

Alien: I'm glad things have finally calmed down.

(The ship starts shaking.)

Seph: Do these drugs cause you to feel like there's an earthquake?

Alien: Not usually!

(Seph sticks his head out the door. KEITH THE CUNT is now eighty feet tall and is destroying New York.)

Seph: Well, looks like your father shot Keith the Cunt with the enlargement ray. I better go kill him.

Alien: He's too dangerous!

(Seph puts on a rocket pack.)

Seph: The bigger they are, the bigger the target...for shattering...

(Seph flies out of the ship with his fist outstretched, heading right towards Keith the Cunt's giant patella.)
 
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