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Stand Up and Lie Down

All signs point to suicide.

Maybe tweak the line to "Yes I am a comic, but don't worry, I'm not depressed like the legends in my field, just needy and neurotic like all the up-and-comers."

Or something like that.
 
I had the thought that perhaps i will go to church in the morning and get some perspective and have that mutual feeling of togetherness or something or whatever it is I get from church, because people are like, "omg if the funniest man in the world just killed himself......like what do I have to live for?" and then I was thinking, "omg" "Its like if Jesus killed himself"


I am not making a joke, I was really thinking these things in my head.

Just like why does this make me so sad

Have I held it in all week and not admitted how I feel?
 
I understand. Robin Williams was the first celebrity death in years to hit me like a hammer. Like how Michael Jackson's hit Mentalist.

But in the end, I sort of understand it, because while the news made me extremely sad, I wasn't totally shocked. His comedy revealed all we needed to know about his personality type and his weaknesses (I almost fell into the media trap and wrote "demons" - no more with that word). There are some entertainers whose behavior or remarks or even performance style, give away the tortured artist behind the celebrity. And he was an artist.

As tortured artists go (who inevitably flame out rather than fade away), 63 isn't a terrible run. That sounds cold to say, but look at all that he left us. And he raised three children, all of whom reached adulthood with his loving presence still around. If what his wife alluded to is true, I think it was the onset of Parkinson's that caused this downward turn. I don't think he was the kind of performer who could learn to integrate his condition into his work, like Michael J. Fox.

It's terrible and awful and we may never fully understand it, but we can still embrace a full lifetime's output of artistry as a comfort. For me, it's worse when it happens to someone young, like Kurt Cobain or Jeff Buckley. "What could have been" is such a black hole of wondering to fall into...
 
The other night I watched Billy Crystal's tribute to Robin on the Emmys, and then I watched Whoopie and him talk about him on the View. It is pretty amazing really how much they all hung out and knew each other and how their lives were intertwined.
I think about when they were first beginning, and did any of them think they would be where they are now.

I talked to my aunt last night and she was scolding me saying I needed to have footage of some of my acts etc etc. I did stand up last night, introduced a new joke, it was pretty good.

I have a new friend that is so supportive of my humor it is pretty awesome.
 
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