STAR WARS ONE LINE AT A TIME THREAD

[CaptainWacky]

3PO: We're doomed! There'll be no escape for PURPLE PETE this time!

 

[Gagh]

What's that? I should have known better than to trust the logic of a half-sized MIDGET-EATING TIMOTHY CLAYPOLE...

 

[CaptainWacky]

(Darth Vader kicks the door in.)

Vader: Ah, Bail Organa's old Blockade Runner! I remember it well! Hehe, this one time, Bail and I snuck off to go on a pussy patrol during the Clone Wars. Master Obi-Wan was VERY grumpy! Anyway, find Bail and PURPLE PETE and kill them. Those rebel cunts.

 

[whisky]

Rebel "We're on a diplomatic mission!"
Vader "If you are on a diplimatic mission, there were is Purple Pete?"
Rebel "Diplomatic immunity"
Vader snapping neck "Its been revoked"

 

[Consumer]

Luke: So what do you think of her?
Solo: I'm trying not to.
Luke: (quietly) Good.
Solo: Still, she's got a lot of spirit.
(Luke looks at Solo with growing expression of horror)
Solo: I don't know, What do you think about a PURPLE PETE and a guy like me...
Luke: (Interrupting) No.

 

[CaptainWacky]

(PURPLE PETE inserts some DATA into R2.)

PURPLE PETE: Arr, deliver this to Obi-Wan Kenobi, you biscuit tin!

3PO: I wouldn't like to have Purple Pete insert Data into me! UNLESS IT WAS UP MY ASS!

 

[whisky]

3PO "I'm not going into that escape pod it stinks!"

R2 (translated) "Oh dear, its full of Felicity Kendals underwear, and naked pictures of Purple Pete"

3PO runs into the pod "Giggidy!"

 

[CaptainWacky]

(Vader steps into the CAPTAIN'S ROOM. A man is sitting with his back to him.)

Vader: Bail Organa...we meet again.

Bail: Again? We've never met. My friend was a cool pussy hound named Anakin Skywalker. You're not him.

Vader: No...I'm not.

Bail: AND I'M NOT BAIL, BITCH!

(Bail spins around in his chair to reveal a ROBOT BAIL. AND IT EXPLODES.)

Vader: AAAAAAAAH! My robot breathing has been damaged! Can't...

(Breathes heavily. IT'S THE ORIGIN OF HIS BREATHING!)

Vader: Noooooo! *breathes heavily*

 

[whisky]

Cut to tattoine, Luke is stairing into the sun whistfully.
Luke "Would you look at the tits on that!"
Aunt Beru from inside the house "Luke, what are you doing?"
Luke quickly turns from page 3 to a news story, only to find its a full page spread of Katy Perry's latest latex dress.
Luke "Nothing! Honest!"
Beru "Well are you coming?"
Luke whispering "Well maybe if you shut the fuck up for five minutes!"

 

[CaptainWacky]

(3PO and R2 are in the escape pod.)

Imperial Officer: There goes another one!

Officer 2: Leave it!

Officer 1: Why?

Officer 2: Because I'M BAIL ORGANA IN DISGUISE, BITCH!

(Bail karate chops the other officer.)

Bail: Get to the planet, lads. FIND OBI-WAN! FIND OUR FUTURE.