CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
"What can I do?"
"I don't know."
"Well you should."
"What do you like to do?"
"Nothing."
"That presents as problem, if there isn't anything you enjoy."
"No, I mean I enjoy doing nothing."
"Right. You can't actually get paid for that."
"I know."
"Hmm."
"Thinking?"
"Yep."
"Still thinking?"
"I'll let you know when I'm finished with the thinking."
"Okay...don't keep me hanging too long!"
"..."
"Ah come on! Don't hit me with an ellipsis!"
"A what?"
"That thing you do when you just leave three dots."
"I didn't do that!"
"Well it sounded like it."
"Sorry! It's just hard coming up with jobs which need you to do nothing."
"What about sleep?"
"Sleep?"
"Yeah."
"As a job?"
"Yeah!"
"I don't think you can get paid for sleep."
"There must be a way! Sleep studies!"
"Right, right, I've heard of them."
"Of course you have."
"I think you just have to sleep in a lab and someone tries to wake you up or something."
"And if I don't wake up I get money?"
"Yeah. Nah, I'm lying. I don't know what you have to do."
"Damn!"
"You could investigate it."
"Nah! Don't like the idea of going to a lab anyway. There would probably be girls there."
"And you can't have girls seeing you."
"Of course not! I'd burst into flames."
"Naturally."
"So what else?"
"What other jobs require a love of doing nothing?"
"Yes."
"None."
"Hmm."
"How about night watchman?"
"Are you crazy!? What if someone tried to break in!"
"Break in where?"
"Wherever I'm nightwatching at! Someone could try to break in, I here them...and they kill me! THEY FUCKING KILL ME!"
"You're going to die anyway."
"That's one theory."
"It's the ONLY theory."
"Shut up, stop changing the subject. What, don't you want me to get a job?"
"Of course I do. You know I'm on your side."
"I know, I know. Thanks."
"You don't have to thank me. But I do appreciate it."
"Urrrgh."
"What?"
"I just had one of those moments where all of my past memories just rushed through my head and I wondered if they really happened to me or if I just remember them."
"I guess there's no way to know for sure if you're the same person now as you were then."
"The person I was then is DEAD! Like a nightwatchman."
"Yeah. That sucks."
"Everything fucking sucks."
"So no job today then."
"There's always tomorrow."
"Not for the past you and the night watchman."
"Let's not talk about them."
"Let's not then."
"Fine."
"Good."
"Not much to talk about then, is there?"
"Not really."
"Want to call it a day."
"It's up to you."
"I'll let you decide."
"I don't want that responsibility."
"But I'm giving it to you."
"And I don't want it."
"Yet you have it."
"No!"
"Yes."
"Fine."
"Thanks man!"
"Don't call me "man" it's not the kind of thing you say."
"What is the kind of thing you say?"
"The kind of thing YOU say."
"That's what I said!"
"Sigh."
"..."
"Hey, you just did it again!"
"I never. And it was you who did it the first time."
"Was it?"
"...I can't remember."
"Me neither."
"I'm scared."
"We always are."
"I know."
"I wish you were real and not just a figment of my imagination."
"Me too."
"But you're the real one!"
"No, I think you are."
"Does it make a difference?"
"Does anything?"
"No."
"..."
"Exactly."
"..."
"I don't know."
"Well you should."
"What do you like to do?"
"Nothing."
"That presents as problem, if there isn't anything you enjoy."
"No, I mean I enjoy doing nothing."
"Right. You can't actually get paid for that."
"I know."
"Hmm."
"Thinking?"
"Yep."
"Still thinking?"
"I'll let you know when I'm finished with the thinking."
"Okay...don't keep me hanging too long!"
"..."
"Ah come on! Don't hit me with an ellipsis!"
"A what?"
"That thing you do when you just leave three dots."
"I didn't do that!"
"Well it sounded like it."
"Sorry! It's just hard coming up with jobs which need you to do nothing."
"What about sleep?"
"Sleep?"
"Yeah."
"As a job?"
"Yeah!"
"I don't think you can get paid for sleep."
"There must be a way! Sleep studies!"
"Right, right, I've heard of them."
"Of course you have."
"I think you just have to sleep in a lab and someone tries to wake you up or something."
"And if I don't wake up I get money?"
"Yeah. Nah, I'm lying. I don't know what you have to do."
"Damn!"
"You could investigate it."
"Nah! Don't like the idea of going to a lab anyway. There would probably be girls there."
"And you can't have girls seeing you."
"Of course not! I'd burst into flames."
"Naturally."
"So what else?"
"What other jobs require a love of doing nothing?"
"Yes."
"None."
"Hmm."
"How about night watchman?"
"Are you crazy!? What if someone tried to break in!"
"Break in where?"
"Wherever I'm nightwatching at! Someone could try to break in, I here them...and they kill me! THEY FUCKING KILL ME!"
"You're going to die anyway."
"That's one theory."
"It's the ONLY theory."
"Shut up, stop changing the subject. What, don't you want me to get a job?"
"Of course I do. You know I'm on your side."
"I know, I know. Thanks."
"You don't have to thank me. But I do appreciate it."
"Urrrgh."
"What?"
"I just had one of those moments where all of my past memories just rushed through my head and I wondered if they really happened to me or if I just remember them."
"I guess there's no way to know for sure if you're the same person now as you were then."
"The person I was then is DEAD! Like a nightwatchman."
"Yeah. That sucks."
"Everything fucking sucks."
"So no job today then."
"There's always tomorrow."
"Not for the past you and the night watchman."
"Let's not talk about them."
"Let's not then."
"Fine."
"Good."
"Not much to talk about then, is there?"
"Not really."
"Want to call it a day."
"It's up to you."
"I'll let you decide."
"I don't want that responsibility."
"But I'm giving it to you."
"And I don't want it."
"Yet you have it."
"No!"
"Yes."
"Fine."
"Thanks man!"
"Don't call me "man" it's not the kind of thing you say."
"What is the kind of thing you say?"
"The kind of thing YOU say."
"That's what I said!"
"Sigh."
"..."
"Hey, you just did it again!"
"I never. And it was you who did it the first time."
"Was it?"
"...I can't remember."
"Me neither."
"I'm scared."
"We always are."
"I know."
"I wish you were real and not just a figment of my imagination."
"Me too."
"But you're the real one!"
"No, I think you are."
"Does it make a difference?"
"Does anything?"
"No."
"..."
"Exactly."
"..."
