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The Book of Eli

Tisiphone

Tisiphone

Elitist Redheaded Trollop
STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPID

My friend fell asleep and I thanked the gods I'd popped a couple of pills before the damned movie. Jesus fucking christ, it was boring as hell.
 
lol

I keep hearing adverts for this on the radio and it doesn't interest me at all. Sounds like Constantine II.
 
More like a Mad Max with massive religious overtones cumming in your face.
 
Tisiphone said:
More like a Mad Max with massive religious overtones cumming in your face.
Click to expand...

So I presume the book he's protecting is the Bible then?
 
A special Bible that makes it a twist ending. If you wanna know, pm me. :)
 
Nah I'll leave myself some surprises for when I rent it on DVD eventually.
 
The commercials make the movie look kinda great, glad to know I shouldn't bother with it til it's on cable! I've read other reviews by real people who thought it sucked too. Can't trust the professionals, they almost always say how wonderful a movie is and then you see it and wonder if the person was smoking crack.

The reason I say "great" is because I love post apocalyptic books and movies. They always make me think about what it would be like if I survived an apocalypse of some sort, and how I would live. I also enjoy religious themes (usually) because we live in a religious themed fucking world.
 
I'm with you Cassie, this looked right up my alley. Thanks for the headsup, titsifphone!!
 
I like apocalyptic stories too. I have a LOT of dreams based on that premise and it's fun seeing how I'll escape impending doom. Not so excited by religious stuff, though. I just find it a bit schlocky. It can be a bit like Power Rangers, but with Biblical names.

Rita/Satan: Aha! I have you NOW, Rangers!!!!

Rangers: Oh no you don't! For we have... THE LANCE OF LONGINUS!

Rita/Satan: AH! But I have... A BLESSED PIECE OF THE TRUE CROSS! Take that, Power Apostles!!

Red Ranger/Matthew: STFU I GOTS CHRIST'S FORESKIN. SUCK IT UP, BITCH!!

Rita/Satan: AAAAHhhhh, NO! My plans are foiled again!!

Riker: Don't worry... hell is DARK LOL!

Rangers: Yeah! We DID IT!!

SUDDENLY IN A QUARRY

*Rangers walk in slow mo toward camera with giant fireball rising behind them*

SUDDENLY IN A CITY MADE OF CARDBOARD

*Rangers pull funky poses and admire eachother's angel wings*

SUDDENLY IN THE QUARRY AGAIN

Yellow Ranger: That's it Rangers, we beat Satan!! Let's go!!
Blue Ranger: It's lucky we're wearing these helmets! They can reuse this footage every week and just dub in different lines!
 
Too bad to hear the movie sucks, it looked good during the advertisements for it.

I may wait for it to come to the second run theatres.
 
Fuddlemiff said:
I like apocalyptic stories too. I have a LOT of dreams based on that premise and it's fun seeing how I'll escape impending doom. Not so excited by religious stuff, though. I just find it a bit schlocky. It can be a bit like Power Rangers, but with Biblical names.

Rita/Satan: Aha! I have you NOW, Rangers!!!!

Rangers: Oh no you don't! For we have... THE LANCE OF LONGINUS!

Rita/Satan: AH! But I have... A BLESSED PIECE OF THE TRUE CROSS! Take that, Power Apostles!!

Red Ranger/Matthew: STFU I GOTS CHRIST'S FORESKIN. SUCK IT UP, BITCH!!

Rita/Satan: AAAAHhhhh, NO! My plans are foiled again!!

Riker: Don't worry... hell is DARK LOL!

Rangers: Yeah! We DID IT!!

SUDDENLY IN A QUARRY

*Rangers walk in slow mo toward camera with giant fireball rising behind them*

SUDDENLY IN A CITY MADE OF CARDBOARD

*Rangers pull funky poses and admire eachother's angel wings*

SUDDENLY IN THE QUARRY AGAIN

Yellow Ranger: That's it Rangers, we beat Satan!! Let's go!!
Blue Ranger: It's lucky we're wearing these helmets! They can reuse this footage every week and just dub in different lines!
Click to expand...

You forgot the paret where they go back to HQ, bend the pink and yellow rangers over the console and put in about forty chapters of begetting while they try to make new Zord shapes together. That Kimmy was a gymnast IIRC...
 
no one is going to do a better pious badass than the dude from braindead (or the american dead-alive).

"i kick ass for the lord!"

nice try black dude who was in the pelican brief.
 
OK, I looked up the ending, and here it is. Seriously, this is a MAJOR FUCKING SPOILER, don't cry to me if you read it and get upset!!

You can tell by the trailers that the book referred to is the Bible. It's a King James Bible, but there's a big twist. Apparently, it's the LAST copy of the bible in existence, and it's in BRAILLE. Eli supposedly lost his sight during "The Flash" and spent the last 30 years wandering the wastelands honing his other senses so he can kick ass while blind.

This is dumb on so many levels. There are buildings standing, but somehow EVERY copy of EVERY bible was destroyed? It's the fucking best selling book of all times, with literally hundreds of millions of copies in print. How the hell did all the copies get destroyed. Second, and more ridiculous, if Eli wasn't blind before "The Flash", how the hell did he learn braille?

LOL, I didn't even see the movie and it's making me mad. I have no idea if they explain any of this, but I'm assuming not.
 
Fun fact: Stephen Baldwin wrote it.
 
legion looks fun...
 
Yeah, Legion looks like a good flick.
 
Legion looks creepy as hell! Don't know if I could stand it.
 
I'll stand anything with Paul Bettany in it.
 
even a slaughterhouse?
 
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