CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
He had never been to a Big Brother eviction before. He only watched the show because his girlfriend loved it. Granted, he had been enjoying it a little. He was a fan of Dirk Benedict from the A-Team and seeing Leo Sayer lose his mind certainly had a perverse pleasure to it. But it wouldn't be his first choice of viewing. Still, maybe it would be fun at the eviction, all those people cheering and having a good time. He walked over to the table where his girlfriend was making some kind of banner. She proudly held it up to him. It read "JADE YOUR NOT A MINGA, YOUR A WINNA!"
"Err, what does that mean?" he asked.
"Well," she said, with enthusiams, "when Jade was in Big Brother 3 back in 2002 she got a veruca on her big toe on her right foot and asked if she was MINGIN'! Hehe, it was so funny!"
"Uh huh," he said. He loved his girlfriend, he really did. She was in fact the first girlfriend he'd ever had, he'd always been shy as a teenager and had been shocked when she had agreed to go out with him. She had been the most popular girl in school, he had been a bit of a nerd. But school had been over for a few years now, and things were changing. And he couldn't help noticing her terrible grammar. "It shouldn't be your, you know. Should be you are, you're with an apostrophe."
"Oh it doesn't matter!" she said. "Anyway, Jade probably wouldn't be able to read it if I used fancy snobby things like anaposatories!"
He had also noticed, quite a while ago now, that his girlfriend was realy quite dumb. But still...he loved her.
"Right, well, are we leaving now?"
"Yep, want to get there quick so we can be right up the front when Davina comes out! Then our chants are will get on camera! Shouldn't be a problem though, the girls will be waiting for us."
He didn't really like the idea of being seen chanting at a Big Brother eviction by millions of people, but he didn't argue. They left and started the short walk down to the Big Brother house. It was already starting to get busy. The staging and lighting looked quite impressive, he had to admit. He'd lived close to the Big Brother house all his life (his girlfriend's house was closer) but had never even considered going to an evicton before. They made their way to the front where four of her friends were waiting for them. Four girls he rather passionately disliked. Why did his girlfriend hangout with them? They were so thick, much more than she was and so, well, ugly. Not just on the outside (though they very clearly were ugly on the outside) but on the inside. The kind of girls who did nothing but slag other girls off, including each other whenever one left the room. He didn't like spending time with them at all. At least their inane prattle would be drowned out by all the crowd noise tonight...surely.
"You made it babes!" said a fat black girl name Leona who he had often thought of punching in her piggy nose.
"Of course, wanna see that bitch Carole get kicked out!" said his girlfriend. He thought this was strange as she had liked Carole right up until she had sad that Jackiey was "essentially subnormal." After asking him what that meant, she had begun to hate Carole. He couldn't be bothered discussing it though, especially not with the four witches present. He looked around at the crowd. Many of them resembled his girlfriends friends. There were few men present, though he did spot four obviously gay guys holding a "THE H IS FOR HOT SEX" sign. Beside them was a woman who looked to be in her sixties holding a sign that read "GET SHILPA A CURRY...TO GO!" He found that rather disturbing. And stupid.
It was a while for the show to start. They had to endure an unfunny warm-up man, who kept going on about how he loved Jade to get the crowd behind him, but, eventually, Davina McCall came out and the crowd went into a frenzy of cheers. Then he saw something rather odd. Even though Dirk and Carole were up for eviction, his girlfriend's friends had started chanting "SHILPA OUT!" He was about to ask his girlfriend why when she joined in too.
"Why do you hate Shipla so much?" he asked, when the chanting had died down. "I think she's all right."
"All right?" scoffed one of the friends, an annorexic with dirty dyed blond hair. "She's a paki bitch!"
"I think she's Indian," said his girlfriend. Well, at least she wasn't joining in with the racism. "But wherever that bitch is from, she is a stuck-up snobby cow! I don't care if millions of Indians go to her movies, there's probably nothing better to see in that third world shithole! SHILPA OUT, SHILPA OUT!"
He felt sick. He moved away from his girlfriend, making the excuse that he had to pee. He saw a girl standing seperate from the mob (he had decided that they were a mob). She was cute. He smiled at her and was surprised when she spoke.
"I don't know why I came here," she said. "I like the show but...these pople are morons!" He laughed and she did too.
"I know," he said, "I only came because my girlfiend begged me too...I'm a bit embarrassed by her today, to be honest." She smiled at him and they watched the on the big screen as Jade accused Dirk of being an alcoholic.
"I'm out of here," said the girl, abruptly. "I'd rather just watch from home."
"Oh, right. Bye," he said, a bit disappointed.
"I might come down to the next one too, just to see if the mob's behaving any better. Maybe I'll see you there."
"Yeah!" he said, a bit too happily, maybe. She gave one last smile (and what a cute smile it was!) and left. He made his way back to where his girlfriend and her friends were standing.
"I thought Dirk was all right!" his girlfriend was saying. "But maybe he is an alcy! Jade said so! Oh, here comes Davina, get ready to shout again..."
Davina was in fact standing right in front of them, and all five girls seemed ready to launch into a "SHILPA OUT!" chant again. Suddenly, he felt the urge to jump in front of the. And did so.
"GET JADE OUT, GET JADE OUT!" he shouted as loudly as he could, so loudly that Davina looked round.
"Why did you do that!?" said his girlfriend in disgust. "It's the Indian Princess we want out!"
"I'm going home," he said, coldly.
"Back to my place!?" she asked. "But..."
"No," he interrupted. "Back to mine. I've had enough of this shit. Call me tomorrow if you want, if you're not busy at a BNP rally or something." She stared at him open-mouthed for a moment, her friends the same. He shrugged and walked off.
As he made his way through the mob, he thought only of the cute girl...and possibilities.
"Err, what does that mean?" he asked.
"Well," she said, with enthusiams, "when Jade was in Big Brother 3 back in 2002 she got a veruca on her big toe on her right foot and asked if she was MINGIN'! Hehe, it was so funny!"
"Uh huh," he said. He loved his girlfriend, he really did. She was in fact the first girlfriend he'd ever had, he'd always been shy as a teenager and had been shocked when she had agreed to go out with him. She had been the most popular girl in school, he had been a bit of a nerd. But school had been over for a few years now, and things were changing. And he couldn't help noticing her terrible grammar. "It shouldn't be your, you know. Should be you are, you're with an apostrophe."
"Oh it doesn't matter!" she said. "Anyway, Jade probably wouldn't be able to read it if I used fancy snobby things like anaposatories!"
He had also noticed, quite a while ago now, that his girlfriend was realy quite dumb. But still...he loved her.
"Right, well, are we leaving now?"
"Yep, want to get there quick so we can be right up the front when Davina comes out! Then our chants are will get on camera! Shouldn't be a problem though, the girls will be waiting for us."
He didn't really like the idea of being seen chanting at a Big Brother eviction by millions of people, but he didn't argue. They left and started the short walk down to the Big Brother house. It was already starting to get busy. The staging and lighting looked quite impressive, he had to admit. He'd lived close to the Big Brother house all his life (his girlfriend's house was closer) but had never even considered going to an evicton before. They made their way to the front where four of her friends were waiting for them. Four girls he rather passionately disliked. Why did his girlfriend hangout with them? They were so thick, much more than she was and so, well, ugly. Not just on the outside (though they very clearly were ugly on the outside) but on the inside. The kind of girls who did nothing but slag other girls off, including each other whenever one left the room. He didn't like spending time with them at all. At least their inane prattle would be drowned out by all the crowd noise tonight...surely.
"You made it babes!" said a fat black girl name Leona who he had often thought of punching in her piggy nose.
"Of course, wanna see that bitch Carole get kicked out!" said his girlfriend. He thought this was strange as she had liked Carole right up until she had sad that Jackiey was "essentially subnormal." After asking him what that meant, she had begun to hate Carole. He couldn't be bothered discussing it though, especially not with the four witches present. He looked around at the crowd. Many of them resembled his girlfriends friends. There were few men present, though he did spot four obviously gay guys holding a "THE H IS FOR HOT SEX" sign. Beside them was a woman who looked to be in her sixties holding a sign that read "GET SHILPA A CURRY...TO GO!" He found that rather disturbing. And stupid.
It was a while for the show to start. They had to endure an unfunny warm-up man, who kept going on about how he loved Jade to get the crowd behind him, but, eventually, Davina McCall came out and the crowd went into a frenzy of cheers. Then he saw something rather odd. Even though Dirk and Carole were up for eviction, his girlfriend's friends had started chanting "SHILPA OUT!" He was about to ask his girlfriend why when she joined in too.
"Why do you hate Shipla so much?" he asked, when the chanting had died down. "I think she's all right."
"All right?" scoffed one of the friends, an annorexic with dirty dyed blond hair. "She's a paki bitch!"
"I think she's Indian," said his girlfriend. Well, at least she wasn't joining in with the racism. "But wherever that bitch is from, she is a stuck-up snobby cow! I don't care if millions of Indians go to her movies, there's probably nothing better to see in that third world shithole! SHILPA OUT, SHILPA OUT!"
He felt sick. He moved away from his girlfriend, making the excuse that he had to pee. He saw a girl standing seperate from the mob (he had decided that they were a mob). She was cute. He smiled at her and was surprised when she spoke.
"I don't know why I came here," she said. "I like the show but...these pople are morons!" He laughed and she did too.
"I know," he said, "I only came because my girlfiend begged me too...I'm a bit embarrassed by her today, to be honest." She smiled at him and they watched the on the big screen as Jade accused Dirk of being an alcoholic.
"I'm out of here," said the girl, abruptly. "I'd rather just watch from home."
"Oh, right. Bye," he said, a bit disappointed.
"I might come down to the next one too, just to see if the mob's behaving any better. Maybe I'll see you there."
"Yeah!" he said, a bit too happily, maybe. She gave one last smile (and what a cute smile it was!) and left. He made his way back to where his girlfriend and her friends were standing.
"I thought Dirk was all right!" his girlfriend was saying. "But maybe he is an alcy! Jade said so! Oh, here comes Davina, get ready to shout again..."
Davina was in fact standing right in front of them, and all five girls seemed ready to launch into a "SHILPA OUT!" chant again. Suddenly, he felt the urge to jump in front of the. And did so.
"GET JADE OUT, GET JADE OUT!" he shouted as loudly as he could, so loudly that Davina looked round.
"Why did you do that!?" said his girlfriend in disgust. "It's the Indian Princess we want out!"
"I'm going home," he said, coldly.
"Back to my place!?" she asked. "But..."
"No," he interrupted. "Back to mine. I've had enough of this shit. Call me tomorrow if you want, if you're not busy at a BNP rally or something." She stared at him open-mouthed for a moment, her friends the same. He shrugged and walked off.
As he made his way through the mob, he thought only of the cute girl...and possibilities.
