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The New Big Brother

Gagh

Gagh

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should be hardcore. Every time BB speaks to the house, it should be to set increasingly rediculous stipulations for fights, such as "shove a turkey baster up somebody's arse as far as it will go", or "hang the bra from the ladder dipped in pool with electricity being pumped into it". Weapons will be placed in the diary room, including a huge pile of steel chairs, and must be used at all times.

The winner will be the first who manages the first on-screen fatality in BB history. However, they won't know this, because they won't have been told that's what they have to do to win,

The survivors will then be picked off one-by-one. BB will turn off the lights in the house, and Z-listers like Charlie from Ground Force will enter dressed as an enormous pineapple and pick them off in a weekly clip show on BB LB in increasingly grisy fashion.
 
Peaches Geldof and her friends will be shown the real meaning of their overused exclamation "random", when the centre of the BBBM studio opens up to drop them straight into the house in the middle of a dangerous household items themed melee. Whatever remains will be used to produce charidee wrist bands that double up as jerky.
 
I think the twist this year should be that none of it is actually filmed, each week they have the evictions as normal, and a crowd is paid to boo, or maybe even people will turn up for free to do that, but none of it is filmed, and as each person leaves expecting fame, fortune, and free tickets to film premiers, they find out no-one knows who they are, and noone ever will.

In the mean time, the normally BB timeslot is filled by repeats of Starskey and Hutch.
 
whisky said:
I think the twist this year should be that none of it is actually filmed, each week they have the evictions as normal, and a crowd is paid to boo, or maybe even people will turn up for free to do that, but none of it is filmed, and as each person leaves expecting fame, fortune, and free tickets to film premiers, they find out no-one knows who they are, and noone ever will.

In the mean time, the normally BB timeslot is filled by repeats of Starskey and Hutch.
Click to expand...

Even better - the whole thing is opened with the usual fanfare, with the crowds all seeing them into the house, newspaper coverage the lot. BUT, nobody is invited to evictions. There is no evicition show, but they are filmed leaving the house. The housemates will think it's ordinary though, because cheers & boos are piped into the house over the walls.

Then when they are out, there is no mention of them on TV, newspapers, magazines, the Internet - anywhere, because there has been a media-wide agreement to completely ignore them when they out.

They will then be left penniless, because they've all left their jobs in the belief that a media career beckons, and they are left to hang around on street corners, performing anything from singing, juggling or sexual favours to make a living.


In fact, pretty much like a large majority of housemates from previous series.
 
The best eviction for a long while was when Jade was evicted with no crowd. I love the idea someone here suggested of doing that but having a the sound of a gunshot ring out as the doors opened.
 
They should have had a burning cross and a noose hung over a tree waiting for her, and a full crowd dressed up as the KKK
 
Wouldn't it make more sense to have the Nation of Islam instead? Surely the KKK would have been heralding her as their next imperious leader or whatever they have, rather than lynching her.
 
They should have poisoned gas released into the house and only one gasmask, but it's not really poisoned gas, it's LAUGHING GAS and they all start laughing the Geordie guy says "WHAT'S THE FUCKING POINT ANYMORE" and walks out, leaving Brian Sewell to take over on commentary, which he spends commenting on how ugly all the black housemates are, but not in a racist way.
 
They should pipe footage into the house 24/7 of Michael Barrymore saying "Awight?" and "What's a hot spot not?" over and over again.
 
Then randomly have Michael Barrymore appear in person, drug them, bum them, then dump them in the swimming pool to drown.
 
Yes. The bumming must be shown, but the sound of tweeting birds played over the screams of pain.
 
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