CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
everything
eeveryting si sgig
things mbecome a physical event or osmething
like
I worry
and I can feel the worry
it has a texture
it has its own feeling
it lives in me
it is unique
it controls me
i fear it
Ieven thought it's not "real"
my boyd feels it
my body goes werid
i can't decrbie it
oh wlel
_________-
I DON'T FIT IN
I looked at an Aspereger's thing
but I don't even fit in with them
WHERE ARE THE PEOPLE LIKE ME
oh yeah they all killed themselves lol
faslg_-
don't want to talk
don't want to be normal
don't want to be me
don't want to be "emo"
SO WHAT IS THERE
dead
I'm suppose to be dead
but hte probably with being dead
IS THAT YOU DON'T EXIST
________________--
people who don't understand death arestupid)
_____-
I am nothing but the repetition of my last thought
_________--
why are so many scottish people heroin addicts?
why heroin?
is it the most scottish of all drugs?
I NEED ANSWERS
well, no
I don't care
I just typed in all caps to make it look like I care
clever
_)____________-
I'm not my words
I'm nothing but the unique arrangement that makes up my "mind"
it can't be represented in words
once I start typing I've already changed
words aren't enough
____----
eveyrhting changes once you try to write it down
____--
why do I keep going _)))))))))))))
wh do I keep going ______----------
don't kow
maybe I should repsent certain mental feelings with symbols
no that's the wordst idea ever
I'd only get it wrong
I think my neck might snap
it feels like it will
at least I'm tired
dulls it a little
____________
LOOK A LINE
tired all the time
must be my body reacting aganist me
my body doesn't like what I'm thinking
so it makes myself tired
clever body
it's a defense
because if I get too awake
ILL KILL MYSELF LOL OMG
no
I don't even cut myself
I'M NOT EMO
why am I so scared of appeaing "emo" even for a moment?
because of words
that's what it is
I have to use the same words as everyone else
so it might look like I'm the same as everyone else
I'm not
it sucks that people express themself in words
df
sd
fg
adfg
hf
agh
ag
fgh
dg
ag
COVERED ALL THIS GROUND BEFORE WHAT ARE YOU DONG
THIS ISN'T THING OF HTE DAY IT'S JUST YOU WHINING
REMEMBER WHEN YOU USED TO WRITE STORIES, ASSHOLE?
YEAh, THEY SUCKEd
EVEYRHTING YOU'vE EVER DONE HAS SUCKED
AT LEAST IN YORU MIND
BUT STILL
HAD TO BE BETTER THAN THIS
_________--
She tried to speak but the words wouldn't come. They were talking and talking and talking. They were making excuses, they were defining her. They were talking about what she was going to do next. And everytime they looked at her, with their stupid smiling faces, she just nodded agreement or said "okay". No disagreement, even though more than anything she wanted to disagree. It was all wrong. She didn't know what was right, but she knew what they were saying was wrong. But she couldn't speak. She was stupified. She sat there, not even looking at them, not even thinking. Not asleep, not awake, not living...just existing. They wernt on. They were very very happy. They had such a plan. They thought her problems were solved. They were lying to themselves, couldn't they see that? Or were they? Did they really not see what she was like?
What could she do to show them what she was like?
Nothing came. So she kept sitting. Then she realised it was time to get up. The doctor smiled. She tried a smile.
"Glad I got a smile out of you at last!" said the doctor. Her father was smiling. Her mother was beaming. They thought she was okay now! They knew the "problem" so that meant everything was okay. No more worrying about their creepy out of place daughter. She would be okay now. She'd just start living a normal life.
They weren't giving her any choice.
She floated out to the car with them. She didn't feel in control of her body anymore. How was she even making herself move.
"No," she said. That's all she wanted to say all along, she just wanted to say no, tell them it was all wrong, tell them she wasn't ready, tell them she'd never be ready to be what they wanted.
"Did you say something?" asked her mother.
"No," she said again, awkwardly. She laughed to herself. She could only laugh to herself now.
There were three people in the car but she was alone. She wished for a crash that never came. She was home again. She went right back upstairs. They didn't seem worried by that.
She looked out her bedroom window. She didn't even have a good view.
She wished there was someone out there who understood. She lay on her bed. It was all she could do. She tried to make time stop. She tried to make time speed up. But all she could do was lie on her bed.
_______-
SEE I JUST INVENTED THAT GIRL AS A FEMALE VERSION OF ME TO BE MY GIRLFIEND DO YOU THINK SINCE I WROTE THAT SHE'LL COME TO LIFE AND WE'LLL BECOME BIG FRIENDS AND LOVE EACH OTHER AND MAKE EACH OTHER HUMAN LOL
well no s
g
s
s
h
h
WELL GOSH
LOL BUFFY
Buffy isn't very realistic
nothing is
not even real lives
is it "lives" or "lifes"
oh who cares
eeveryting si sgig
things mbecome a physical event or osmething
like
I worry
and I can feel the worry
it has a texture
it has its own feeling
it lives in me
it is unique
it controls me
i fear it
Ieven thought it's not "real"
my boyd feels it
my body goes werid
i can't decrbie it
oh wlel
_________-
I DON'T FIT IN
I looked at an Aspereger's thing
but I don't even fit in with them
WHERE ARE THE PEOPLE LIKE ME
oh yeah they all killed themselves lol
faslg_-
don't want to talk
don't want to be normal
don't want to be me
don't want to be "emo"
SO WHAT IS THERE
dead
I'm suppose to be dead
but hte probably with being dead
IS THAT YOU DON'T EXIST
________________--
people who don't understand death arestupid)
_____-
I am nothing but the repetition of my last thought
_________--
why are so many scottish people heroin addicts?
why heroin?
is it the most scottish of all drugs?
I NEED ANSWERS
well, no
I don't care
I just typed in all caps to make it look like I care
clever
_)____________-
I'm not my words
I'm nothing but the unique arrangement that makes up my "mind"
it can't be represented in words
once I start typing I've already changed
words aren't enough
____----
eveyrhting changes once you try to write it down
____--
why do I keep going _)))))))))))))
wh do I keep going ______----------
don't kow
maybe I should repsent certain mental feelings with symbols
no that's the wordst idea ever
I'd only get it wrong
I think my neck might snap
it feels like it will
at least I'm tired
dulls it a little
____________
LOOK A LINE
tired all the time
must be my body reacting aganist me
my body doesn't like what I'm thinking
so it makes myself tired
clever body
it's a defense
because if I get too awake
ILL KILL MYSELF LOL OMG
no
I don't even cut myself
I'M NOT EMO
why am I so scared of appeaing "emo" even for a moment?
because of words
that's what it is
I have to use the same words as everyone else
so it might look like I'm the same as everyone else
I'm not
it sucks that people express themself in words
df
sd
fg
adfg
hf
agh
ag
fgh
dg
ag
COVERED ALL THIS GROUND BEFORE WHAT ARE YOU DONG
THIS ISN'T THING OF HTE DAY IT'S JUST YOU WHINING
REMEMBER WHEN YOU USED TO WRITE STORIES, ASSHOLE?
YEAh, THEY SUCKEd
EVEYRHTING YOU'vE EVER DONE HAS SUCKED
AT LEAST IN YORU MIND
BUT STILL
HAD TO BE BETTER THAN THIS
_________--
She tried to speak but the words wouldn't come. They were talking and talking and talking. They were making excuses, they were defining her. They were talking about what she was going to do next. And everytime they looked at her, with their stupid smiling faces, she just nodded agreement or said "okay". No disagreement, even though more than anything she wanted to disagree. It was all wrong. She didn't know what was right, but she knew what they were saying was wrong. But she couldn't speak. She was stupified. She sat there, not even looking at them, not even thinking. Not asleep, not awake, not living...just existing. They wernt on. They were very very happy. They had such a plan. They thought her problems were solved. They were lying to themselves, couldn't they see that? Or were they? Did they really not see what she was like?
What could she do to show them what she was like?
Nothing came. So she kept sitting. Then she realised it was time to get up. The doctor smiled. She tried a smile.
"Glad I got a smile out of you at last!" said the doctor. Her father was smiling. Her mother was beaming. They thought she was okay now! They knew the "problem" so that meant everything was okay. No more worrying about their creepy out of place daughter. She would be okay now. She'd just start living a normal life.
They weren't giving her any choice.
She floated out to the car with them. She didn't feel in control of her body anymore. How was she even making herself move.
"No," she said. That's all she wanted to say all along, she just wanted to say no, tell them it was all wrong, tell them she wasn't ready, tell them she'd never be ready to be what they wanted.
"Did you say something?" asked her mother.
"No," she said again, awkwardly. She laughed to herself. She could only laugh to herself now.
There were three people in the car but she was alone. She wished for a crash that never came. She was home again. She went right back upstairs. They didn't seem worried by that.
She looked out her bedroom window. She didn't even have a good view.
She wished there was someone out there who understood. She lay on her bed. It was all she could do. She tried to make time stop. She tried to make time speed up. But all she could do was lie on her bed.
_______-
SEE I JUST INVENTED THAT GIRL AS A FEMALE VERSION OF ME TO BE MY GIRLFIEND DO YOU THINK SINCE I WROTE THAT SHE'LL COME TO LIFE AND WE'LLL BECOME BIG FRIENDS AND LOVE EACH OTHER AND MAKE EACH OTHER HUMAN LOL
well no s
g
s
s
h
h
WELL GOSH
LOL BUFFY
Buffy isn't very realistic
nothing is
not even real lives
is it "lives" or "lifes"
oh who cares