CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
it's actuall the 751st thing
becuase the first one was just "thing of the day"
and the second was "thing of the day (thing+1)"
you fucking assholes
but that's okay
because it doesn't matter
since nothing matters
you jabronis
you roody poos
you minkonpoop
yes that's right minkonpoop
i'm pretending it hink that's the word
you see
it's a thing
of the day
you cutns
_______________________________________________________________
There are two robots who live outside of our universe, outside of time. They like to exerpiment with the human race. It's fun for them. They can create life and send it to any point in time. They created James Corden just to hurt us. They created Zendaya to give us false hope that good people can exist. They discuss plans for a new creation.
"You know what I've always been interested in?"
"Genocide?"
"No. Well, yes. The complete genocide of the human race is our ultimate goal. But we can give them another twenty thousand years or so."
"Yes, of course. Make them think they're really something special. Colonise Mars. Them bang, we send Hitler 2 in there. The Big Fucking Hitler. Anyway, what was it you were going to say you've always been interested in, if not genocide."
"Female celebrities."
"Oh, them again."
"I just...like them. I don't know why."
"Why not male celebrities? It's not like you have a human sexuality, or any sexuality."
"It's not about sexuality. It's just...I like them. Maybe I want to be one. I don't know. I like thinking about them. Who do you think is the best one ever?"
"Zendaya, obviously."
"Yes but we made her. It's not really fair for us to judge her. We need someone impartial to judge them all."
"Do we?"
"Well, it would be something to do, wouldn't it? Before we plan the genocide."
"Looking at the projected timeline they'll be dead lon before the twenty thousand years comes. This Trump guy...WE couldn't make him up!"
"Yes we'll have to deal with him soon, give the human race another chance. Before we cruelly take it away. Anyway, my female celebrity idea?"
"What's your idea again?"
"We consturct a human, a male obviously, whose sole purpose is to rank female celebrities. His ultimate goal: to create the ultimate list of all female celebrities ordered by attractiveness. Then we'll finally know who's the best."
"You'll know."
"You care too. I've seen you in the chatty rooms, talking about fashion."
"I have a mild interest. So, this male we make, he won't be able to think about anything other than female celebrities? They'll be the only thing in his mind?"
"It'll have to be that way, to make sure he creates the ultimate list. We'll make it so that the only way he can feel pleasure is by thinking about them. Thinking about any other subject for too long will cause him physical pain."
"Oooh, nasty. I like it. Hurt him to create something beautiful. So poetic."
"He'll have a completely horrible life, of course. He won't be able to do anything normal, not with his mind always on the girls. He won't be able to have normal relationships, no even firendships. He'll feel an emptiness inside at all times, other than when he's creating one of his female celebrity lists. Then he'll come alive."
"And that's how we stop him from killing himself."
"Exactly. He'll be our computer, designed only to order the female celebrities. Suicide won't be an option, we'll even try make it so such thoughts don't enter his brain. He'll suffer, of course, but never be able to die."
"Wait, you mean..."
"Well he can't just have a normal human life span. We have to let him live for as long as the human race does, so he can rank every female celebrity to ever exist against each other. That's just logical. He'll exist in the shadows, hiding from humanity, shunned by them as the freak he is...hahaha."
"You're sick, I love it. I guess he'll think he's normal at first though?"
"Yes, and we'll use the invisible agents we sent back in time to help him do the simple human things like eat and dress himself. He won't know they're there, it'll be fine. It will only be as he grows old that he realises...that he isn't growing old. That he doesn't actually have to eat or sleep. That he only exists...to serve us."
"Yes. YES."
"He'll be resigned to his fate by then. He'll simple order the female celebrities twenty four hours a day, using the brain routines he programmed himself with when he thought himself mortal. He will be our perfect creation."
"And when he finally creates the perfect female celebrit list..."
"It'll be time for Hitler 2, of course. Then he can finally rest, when the moon is thrown into Earth and all life extinguished."
"Nice. Tight. And what will you do with the ultimate list of female celebrities?"
"Have a wank, I guess?"
"I thought it wasn't about sex..."
"Well I have to use this penis I built for myself for something."
"Ooh, so that's what that is! I was wondering why you had another finger down there."
"Want to touch it?"
"...yes."
"Okay, but let's create the poor fool first. Our slave. A fucking joke of a man. And let's name him.."
"Charles..."
"HORSE!"
THE REBIRTH
becuase the first one was just "thing of the day"
and the second was "thing of the day (thing+1)"
you fucking assholes
but that's okay
because it doesn't matter
since nothing matters
you jabronis
you roody poos
you minkonpoop
yes that's right minkonpoop
i'm pretending it hink that's the word
you see
it's a thing
of the day
you cutns
_______________________________________________________________
There are two robots who live outside of our universe, outside of time. They like to exerpiment with the human race. It's fun for them. They can create life and send it to any point in time. They created James Corden just to hurt us. They created Zendaya to give us false hope that good people can exist. They discuss plans for a new creation.
"You know what I've always been interested in?"
"Genocide?"
"No. Well, yes. The complete genocide of the human race is our ultimate goal. But we can give them another twenty thousand years or so."
"Yes, of course. Make them think they're really something special. Colonise Mars. Them bang, we send Hitler 2 in there. The Big Fucking Hitler. Anyway, what was it you were going to say you've always been interested in, if not genocide."
"Female celebrities."
"Oh, them again."
"I just...like them. I don't know why."
"Why not male celebrities? It's not like you have a human sexuality, or any sexuality."
"It's not about sexuality. It's just...I like them. Maybe I want to be one. I don't know. I like thinking about them. Who do you think is the best one ever?"
"Zendaya, obviously."
"Yes but we made her. It's not really fair for us to judge her. We need someone impartial to judge them all."
"Do we?"
"Well, it would be something to do, wouldn't it? Before we plan the genocide."
"Looking at the projected timeline they'll be dead lon before the twenty thousand years comes. This Trump guy...WE couldn't make him up!"
"Yes we'll have to deal with him soon, give the human race another chance. Before we cruelly take it away. Anyway, my female celebrity idea?"
"What's your idea again?"
"We consturct a human, a male obviously, whose sole purpose is to rank female celebrities. His ultimate goal: to create the ultimate list of all female celebrities ordered by attractiveness. Then we'll finally know who's the best."
"You'll know."
"You care too. I've seen you in the chatty rooms, talking about fashion."
"I have a mild interest. So, this male we make, he won't be able to think about anything other than female celebrities? They'll be the only thing in his mind?"
"It'll have to be that way, to make sure he creates the ultimate list. We'll make it so that the only way he can feel pleasure is by thinking about them. Thinking about any other subject for too long will cause him physical pain."
"Oooh, nasty. I like it. Hurt him to create something beautiful. So poetic."
"He'll have a completely horrible life, of course. He won't be able to do anything normal, not with his mind always on the girls. He won't be able to have normal relationships, no even firendships. He'll feel an emptiness inside at all times, other than when he's creating one of his female celebrity lists. Then he'll come alive."
"And that's how we stop him from killing himself."
"Exactly. He'll be our computer, designed only to order the female celebrities. Suicide won't be an option, we'll even try make it so such thoughts don't enter his brain. He'll suffer, of course, but never be able to die."
"Wait, you mean..."
"Well he can't just have a normal human life span. We have to let him live for as long as the human race does, so he can rank every female celebrity to ever exist against each other. That's just logical. He'll exist in the shadows, hiding from humanity, shunned by them as the freak he is...hahaha."
"You're sick, I love it. I guess he'll think he's normal at first though?"
"Yes, and we'll use the invisible agents we sent back in time to help him do the simple human things like eat and dress himself. He won't know they're there, it'll be fine. It will only be as he grows old that he realises...that he isn't growing old. That he doesn't actually have to eat or sleep. That he only exists...to serve us."
"Yes. YES."
"He'll be resigned to his fate by then. He'll simple order the female celebrities twenty four hours a day, using the brain routines he programmed himself with when he thought himself mortal. He will be our perfect creation."
"And when he finally creates the perfect female celebrit list..."
"It'll be time for Hitler 2, of course. Then he can finally rest, when the moon is thrown into Earth and all life extinguished."
"Nice. Tight. And what will you do with the ultimate list of female celebrities?"
"Have a wank, I guess?"
"I thought it wasn't about sex..."
"Well I have to use this penis I built for myself for something."
"Ooh, so that's what that is! I was wondering why you had another finger down there."
"Want to touch it?"
"...yes."
"Okay, but let's create the poor fool first. Our slave. A fucking joke of a man. And let's name him.."
"Charles..."
"HORSE!"
THE REBIRTH