CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
This is a story about charles horse. the views and opinions and scenarios within come solely from the mind of charles horse and do no represent the thoughts of anyone else in the world.
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It was the last Saturday of October. The clocks went back one hour at 2am. Charles Horse was excited. An extra hour! Oh, the things he did! It was a gift! A bonus! More life!
He would have laughed to himself if he was capable of laughing.
He watched Mean Girls on tv. He wasn't sure why. He didn't enjoy it much. It still wasn't 2am.
He looked at pornography on the internet in an attempt to get an erection. It did not work. He thought about that girl he went to school with who used to always get him an erection. He couldn't remember what her face looked like. Still no erection.
He walked up and down a lot. He wished he had a cat.
He punched himself 18 times.
It still wasn't 2am.
He wrote a story on the internet. It read...
"DICK BURGER WALKED INTO A SCHOOL AND KILLED ALL THE CHILDREN WITH HIS BARE HANDS THE END."
He posted it on Mumsnet.
Well, that was a lie. He deleted it right away and smashed his head against his keyboard.
He wondered if he should just go to bed early then be surprised and confused when his clocks went back. He then remembered that most of them wouldn't go back automatically.
He ate bread. He couldn't remember if he had a toaster.
He went to bed to sit on his bed staring at the clocks until it was 2am.
He started thinking about killing himself again.
He heard a car outside so craned his head looking out the window to see if there was a girl in it he could masturbate over. He remembered the time sixteen years earlier when he'd watched a guy and a girl making out in the back of the car for ages. That was a good night. Maybe it would happen again some day. It hadn't yet, but maybe some day.
It didn't happen this day and he hurt his neck.
He started laughing. It was possible! He lay down on the side of his neck that was sore. He didn't care. He fell asleep.
He had a dream where he was stalking a girl he'd seen on a bus once and he walked up behind her and he felt like he was going to attack her but when he span her around she had no face and then she had a mouth and she sucked him inside and he was melted in her digestive acids in her stomach and there was a fish there and it said "sorry, mate" and his skin was burning and melting so he tried to swim out of her but he found himself in a sewer and cannibals lived there and they were going to eat him but then the fish was there too and it was a man now it was his only friend from school Jack Brick and Charles Hrose pretended to be one of the cannibals and started eating Jack Brick with them and he plunged his fork right into Jack's testicles and he lay there still alive but making no sound and he chewed and chewed and chewed and he had an erection...
He woke up and had an erection! He started masturbating wildly. He started humping his bed. He was cutting up his dick he realised. It still hadn't recovered from the last time he'd started humping his bed in the middle of the night. He dind't care he kept doing it. It hurt so much. Like he was grating his dick with a cheese grater.
He went downstairs and pulled a cheese grated out of the frdige and started rubbing it against his dick. The skin was coming off. But it still wouldn't go down.
Why was there a cheese grater in the fridge he wondered? He went back upstairs to make sure he wasn't dreaming and walked on the ceiling on the way up. Wait he coudln't do that normally. Jack Brick was sitting on his bed when he got there. It was a lucid dream and he could do what he wanted so he started making out with Jack Brick.
He woke up with an erection and his dick wasn't grated but it was now 2:12 am and he hadn't put the clocks back so he had to put every clock in the house back to 1:12 am and he did that.
His erection was down by then.
He collapsed on his bed laughing.
At the next 2:12 am he looked at Jack Brick's Facebook page.
He thought of slamming his laptop on his dick for some reason.
He didn't.
His neck still hurt he couldn't turn his head now after sleeping on it.
He heard another car outside but couldn't look out the window.
He lay flat on his back and existed.
He probably got to sleep at some point but it was still only 5:21 the next ime he looked at the clock.
He decided to create a false Facebook account to stalk Jack Brick.
In the morning.
He'd do it in the morning.
His dick and neck hurt too much. And face, he realised from the punching.
He started eating his pillow but wondered if he woudl regret it.
He tried to stand up but thoguht he was probably dreaming again and it would be a waste of time to stand up so he stayed lying down.
He started to dream about a train with mice in it but it didn't really go anywhere.
He needed to pee so he got up to go to the toilet.
But just as he started to pee he noticed his dick was made out of cheese...
He was still in bed he'd only dreamed getting up.
But he still needed to pee.
It was 5:45 am.
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It was the last Saturday of October. The clocks went back one hour at 2am. Charles Horse was excited. An extra hour! Oh, the things he did! It was a gift! A bonus! More life!
He would have laughed to himself if he was capable of laughing.
He watched Mean Girls on tv. He wasn't sure why. He didn't enjoy it much. It still wasn't 2am.
He looked at pornography on the internet in an attempt to get an erection. It did not work. He thought about that girl he went to school with who used to always get him an erection. He couldn't remember what her face looked like. Still no erection.
He walked up and down a lot. He wished he had a cat.
He punched himself 18 times.
It still wasn't 2am.
He wrote a story on the internet. It read...
"DICK BURGER WALKED INTO A SCHOOL AND KILLED ALL THE CHILDREN WITH HIS BARE HANDS THE END."
He posted it on Mumsnet.
Well, that was a lie. He deleted it right away and smashed his head against his keyboard.
He wondered if he should just go to bed early then be surprised and confused when his clocks went back. He then remembered that most of them wouldn't go back automatically.
He ate bread. He couldn't remember if he had a toaster.
He went to bed to sit on his bed staring at the clocks until it was 2am.
He started thinking about killing himself again.
He heard a car outside so craned his head looking out the window to see if there was a girl in it he could masturbate over. He remembered the time sixteen years earlier when he'd watched a guy and a girl making out in the back of the car for ages. That was a good night. Maybe it would happen again some day. It hadn't yet, but maybe some day.
It didn't happen this day and he hurt his neck.
He started laughing. It was possible! He lay down on the side of his neck that was sore. He didn't care. He fell asleep.
He had a dream where he was stalking a girl he'd seen on a bus once and he walked up behind her and he felt like he was going to attack her but when he span her around she had no face and then she had a mouth and she sucked him inside and he was melted in her digestive acids in her stomach and there was a fish there and it said "sorry, mate" and his skin was burning and melting so he tried to swim out of her but he found himself in a sewer and cannibals lived there and they were going to eat him but then the fish was there too and it was a man now it was his only friend from school Jack Brick and Charles Hrose pretended to be one of the cannibals and started eating Jack Brick with them and he plunged his fork right into Jack's testicles and he lay there still alive but making no sound and he chewed and chewed and chewed and he had an erection...
He woke up and had an erection! He started masturbating wildly. He started humping his bed. He was cutting up his dick he realised. It still hadn't recovered from the last time he'd started humping his bed in the middle of the night. He dind't care he kept doing it. It hurt so much. Like he was grating his dick with a cheese grater.
He went downstairs and pulled a cheese grated out of the frdige and started rubbing it against his dick. The skin was coming off. But it still wouldn't go down.
Why was there a cheese grater in the fridge he wondered? He went back upstairs to make sure he wasn't dreaming and walked on the ceiling on the way up. Wait he coudln't do that normally. Jack Brick was sitting on his bed when he got there. It was a lucid dream and he could do what he wanted so he started making out with Jack Brick.
He woke up with an erection and his dick wasn't grated but it was now 2:12 am and he hadn't put the clocks back so he had to put every clock in the house back to 1:12 am and he did that.
His erection was down by then.
He collapsed on his bed laughing.
At the next 2:12 am he looked at Jack Brick's Facebook page.
He thought of slamming his laptop on his dick for some reason.
He didn't.
His neck still hurt he couldn't turn his head now after sleeping on it.
He heard another car outside but couldn't look out the window.
He lay flat on his back and existed.
He probably got to sleep at some point but it was still only 5:21 the next ime he looked at the clock.
He decided to create a false Facebook account to stalk Jack Brick.
In the morning.
He'd do it in the morning.
His dick and neck hurt too much. And face, he realised from the punching.
He started eating his pillow but wondered if he woudl regret it.
He tried to stand up but thoguht he was probably dreaming again and it would be a waste of time to stand up so he stayed lying down.
He started to dream about a train with mice in it but it didn't really go anywhere.
He needed to pee so he got up to go to the toilet.
But just as he started to pee he noticed his dick was made out of cheese...
He was still in bed he'd only dreamed getting up.
But he still needed to pee.
It was 5:45 am.
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