CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
Why did she keep coming back!? Maybe she didn't have a life. No fucking life at all. The cow. GET OUT.
No, that wasn't fair. She was being nice to him. He could see that. Usually when someone was nice to him, Johnny Nose would feel all weird and do his best to scare that person away. But the accident had changed him. He didn't feel like the old Johnny Nose anymore. He was tired, so tired. Too tired to twist her kindness into something undesirable. He appreciated it, he really did.
Still, why did she keep coming back? On today of all days! He hardly knew her, he'd only met her a few times before, the last time being over five years ago. And he remembered spending that day leering at her breasts. He tried not to look at them now. He tried not to look at her at all. But that was cruel. She was here, on today of all days...the least he could do was look at her.
He looked at her. She smiled.
"How's your friend?" he asked. "The cancer person?"
"Oh, she's gone home to be with her family for new year."
"Ah. That's nice. But it must have been bad if she had to come in over Christmas."
"Yeah. She is in pretty bad shape. All we can do is hope and, I suppose, pray that she gets better."
The old Johnny Nose flashed back to the surface. PRAY!? How ridiculous! He should tell her how religion is a lie, well, all except for SLEKTWAGISM, the only true religion, the worship of DEAD CRABS and their great...but that was stupid. Everything about Johnny Nose was stupid.
"Why are you here?" he asked.
"To see you."
"But today of all days!"
"What's special about today?"
"It's new year's eve, bitch!" He didn't mean to say "bitch". It was something the old Johnny Nose would have said. He felt angry at himself afterwards, but she didn't react.
"Johnny...it's Decemeber 30th. New year's eve is tomorrow."
"...oh."
"I won't be here tomorrow, I'm going out. Sorry. I have friends..."
"So you DO have friends. I thought maybe you were a FRIENDLESS FREAK and cancer girl was the only person you knew, and since she's dying you decided to get in with me!" What was he saying! That was total Nose! He was taking over...her was starting to think of Johnny Nose as a seperate person.
"It's just...I don't know. I never even liked you much. But just knowing that you could have died...made me want to see you."
"FOR SEX?"
"No."
"Good, because that would be incest."
"Yeah. Don't want to start 2008 off with incest."
"2008. May as well still be 2007. Years mean nothing."
"Oh?"
"I tried to make them mean things in the past. I thought things will be different this year! A new year, a new start...it's crap. It means nothing. Meaningless human invention. LIKE TOAST."
"I take it 2007 wasn't a great year for you? Sorry, don't mean to pry."
"WELL, 2007 started with me eating the pope's cookies. He caught me, so I beat him to death and replaced him with a robot pope. But the robot pope malfunctioned and molested some ducks to death. The catholics didn't like that, so they had an election for a new pope. Michael Barrymore won. But just as he was about to put on his pop hat for the first time, the robot pope ate his brains. It was all very sad. Finally, they asked me to be pope. I said yes, but then ran away into the woods. I lived with bears for eight months, teaching them to communicate with me through sign language. It was a disaster, they just kept trying to maul me. Luckily I had drank a special potion at the Vatican that made me STRONGER than a bear, so I just beat them all to death. That left my friendless again, so I builty a robot Dean Gaffney to be my friend. Unfortunately, and predictably, like all my other robots he turned out to be evil and kicked me out of the caves. I then went to live with Michael Jackson in Neverland. Not the ranch, the actual, REAL Neverland where Peter Pan and Tinkerbell and all those fuckers live. I quickly formed an alliance with Captain Hook in order to get my papacy back. But when we were finally successful, I remembered that I didn't actually want it. So I made Hook the new pope and skipped away into the sunset...and was ran over by Optimus Prime. That's how I ended up here." He expected stunned silence. But she laughed.
"I always liked your crazy stories. They stopped you from staring at my tits."
"Johnny Nose best!"
No, that wasn't fair. She was being nice to him. He could see that. Usually when someone was nice to him, Johnny Nose would feel all weird and do his best to scare that person away. But the accident had changed him. He didn't feel like the old Johnny Nose anymore. He was tired, so tired. Too tired to twist her kindness into something undesirable. He appreciated it, he really did.
Still, why did she keep coming back? On today of all days! He hardly knew her, he'd only met her a few times before, the last time being over five years ago. And he remembered spending that day leering at her breasts. He tried not to look at them now. He tried not to look at her at all. But that was cruel. She was here, on today of all days...the least he could do was look at her.
He looked at her. She smiled.
"How's your friend?" he asked. "The cancer person?"
"Oh, she's gone home to be with her family for new year."
"Ah. That's nice. But it must have been bad if she had to come in over Christmas."
"Yeah. She is in pretty bad shape. All we can do is hope and, I suppose, pray that she gets better."
The old Johnny Nose flashed back to the surface. PRAY!? How ridiculous! He should tell her how religion is a lie, well, all except for SLEKTWAGISM, the only true religion, the worship of DEAD CRABS and their great...but that was stupid. Everything about Johnny Nose was stupid.
"Why are you here?" he asked.
"To see you."
"But today of all days!"
"What's special about today?"
"It's new year's eve, bitch!" He didn't mean to say "bitch". It was something the old Johnny Nose would have said. He felt angry at himself afterwards, but she didn't react.
"Johnny...it's Decemeber 30th. New year's eve is tomorrow."
"...oh."
"I won't be here tomorrow, I'm going out. Sorry. I have friends..."
"So you DO have friends. I thought maybe you were a FRIENDLESS FREAK and cancer girl was the only person you knew, and since she's dying you decided to get in with me!" What was he saying! That was total Nose! He was taking over...her was starting to think of Johnny Nose as a seperate person.
"It's just...I don't know. I never even liked you much. But just knowing that you could have died...made me want to see you."
"FOR SEX?"
"No."
"Good, because that would be incest."
"Yeah. Don't want to start 2008 off with incest."
"2008. May as well still be 2007. Years mean nothing."
"Oh?"
"I tried to make them mean things in the past. I thought things will be different this year! A new year, a new start...it's crap. It means nothing. Meaningless human invention. LIKE TOAST."
"I take it 2007 wasn't a great year for you? Sorry, don't mean to pry."
"WELL, 2007 started with me eating the pope's cookies. He caught me, so I beat him to death and replaced him with a robot pope. But the robot pope malfunctioned and molested some ducks to death. The catholics didn't like that, so they had an election for a new pope. Michael Barrymore won. But just as he was about to put on his pop hat for the first time, the robot pope ate his brains. It was all very sad. Finally, they asked me to be pope. I said yes, but then ran away into the woods. I lived with bears for eight months, teaching them to communicate with me through sign language. It was a disaster, they just kept trying to maul me. Luckily I had drank a special potion at the Vatican that made me STRONGER than a bear, so I just beat them all to death. That left my friendless again, so I builty a robot Dean Gaffney to be my friend. Unfortunately, and predictably, like all my other robots he turned out to be evil and kicked me out of the caves. I then went to live with Michael Jackson in Neverland. Not the ranch, the actual, REAL Neverland where Peter Pan and Tinkerbell and all those fuckers live. I quickly formed an alliance with Captain Hook in order to get my papacy back. But when we were finally successful, I remembered that I didn't actually want it. So I made Hook the new pope and skipped away into the sunset...and was ran over by Optimus Prime. That's how I ended up here." He expected stunned silence. But she laughed.
"I always liked your crazy stories. They stopped you from staring at my tits."
"Johnny Nose best!"
