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thing of the day, new thingtinuing story (thing+808)

CaptainWacky

I want to smell dark matter
"I have the ability to hold two opposing views in my mind. It is a by-product of having no personality. I can make myself believe anything. It's all just simulation. Any experience, I can dispassionately run through my head. I'm not feeling the emotions, not really, but I can imagine how they feel. How they would inform my opinions. I can be anyone, anything. It doesn't matter. I can think the most hateful thoughts, or the most compassionate. It is all the same to me. I am nothing. I am everything. I am - "

"Would you shut up?" Horseface asked the robot. He wanted to konw why the beautiful woman was here. She hadn't spoken. She was watching Horseface and the robot, showing no fear. She was human, pure human, Horseface observed. Not like the women Horseface used to rut with back before they time travelled. The cat lady had beent he one he'd liked the most. She'd tried to kill him during the killing time, minutes after they'd rutted. He almost sighed out loud at the memory. It had been so predictable and therefore disappointing. He'd stabbed her quickly with the knife he'd kept hidden for such an eventuality. This beautiful human woman? He hoped he didn't have to stab her. He wondered why he was so attracted to her: her pale skin, her gentle human features, her long blond hair. It was strange. And the robot just would not stop.

" - once I took on the brain patterns of Adolt Hitler. I understood completely why he did all that he did. I was not changed at all by the experience, it was merely another simulation for me. I could have stopped the second world war if I had been alive back then. I would have sat Hitler down with his opponents and explain all their points of view in a way that would seem reasonable to them all. I COULD HAVE STOPPED JEDWARD FROM SPLITTING UP. I could have done it all. I was created too late, to a world that doesn't care. Look at the state of the flesh-life now. You, a Horse-mutant, becoming sexually aroused at the sight of a human female. How pathetic. I should take on Hitler's thought processes again and then use my robot strength to slay you both. FOR STEEL IS SUPERIOR."

"Shut up. Shut up. SHUT UPPITY FUCK," said Horseface. The human woman giggled.

"You two are quit the pair," she said. "No wonder Diego sent you to us."

"What?" said Horseface. "You...you know how we got here? Why we were sent to the future?"

"Of course," she said. "It was because...THE DEVILS MUST FEAST." And then horns grew out of her head.

"How disappointing," said the robot, stepping towards her, his arms already out-stretched.

"Wait," said Horseface, weakly, remembering the cat lady. "If she really knows something..." But the devil girl's arms had just transformed into chainsaws and the robot probably couldn't hear him over their whirring.

"I WILL SLICE YOUR CIRCUITS FOR DIEGO," she said. She aimed her chainsaws at him, but the robot moved at a nearly imperceptible speed. He was behind her before she could adjust her positioning, his arms around her neck.

"I will snap your neck and feel nothing," he said. But he looked at Horseface first.

"Who is Diego?" asked Horseface, not expecting much.

"He made us," she said. "And he will eat you. And she tried to turn, managing to slightly slice the robot at the top of his right leg. The robot snapped her neck then.

"Maybe we are here to kill everyone!" said the robot, excited. "What now?"

"We go to my old place, if it's still there," said Horseface. "They'll keep attacking if we stay out here."

"And then you shall masturbate to the thought of the girl I just killed, while I watch?" asked the robot.

"No," said Horseface.

" - and then I took on the thought patterns of Jesus, and finally understood why he died for the rest of you. He was just having a laugh!"

TO BE HORSETINUED
 
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