CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
Johnny Nose sat in his bedroom in the mental hospital, except that was just a memory.
He was really sitting on the street, begging. He watched people go by. He didn't feel like messing with most of them today. They weren't what he was after. There was no point pretending. He was waiting for an attractive girl to walk by. And here one came. Young. Over 18, yes. But still ten years younger than him. He was getting so old. He wondered if he could still be Johnny Nose...
Of course he fucking could.
"Spare change?" he said as she walked by. She nearly looked at him but kept looking forward. She was pretending not to have heard him. Johnny smiled. He'd always done that back when he'd been privileged. He wouldn't let her get away with it. "SPARE CHANGE!!!" he shouted. She looked down now, shocked.
"S...sorry," she said, automatically.
"Sorry for shouting," said Johnny. "My ears are really waxxy and I can't exactly get them drained out here on the street, you know! Wish I could. Would make some candles out of them. Keep me warm! Haha. You've got to laugh. OTHERWISE YOU'LL CRY."
"I've got money," she said, nervously.
"I could buy a sandwhich," Johnny mused. "That's what the homeless always want more than anything. Well, except for a home. They want THAT more than anything. But after a home, what they want is a sandwich. Hey, do you have a home? Maybe we could go back and eat sandwiches together!"
"I don't think so," she said, not unkindly.
"I wasn't hitting on you!" Johnny said. "I mean, I could have. I'm a handsome guy, underneath the dirt and grime. Maybe you recognise my face..."
"No, sorry," she said, dropping some coins in his cup.
"BIG BROTHER!" shouted Johnny as she walked away. "I was on Big Fucking Brother, remember!"
"Hey, I remember you!" said a boy. About the same age as the girl. Johnny didn't like this. So young and not homeless. The opposite of Johnny Nose.
"You do, huh?" asked Johnny.
"Aye!" said the young man. "You were fucking nuts, man! You jumped off the stairs at the end and fucking died!"
"Well I didn't die, clearly," said Johnny.
"How'd you end up out here?" asked the kid.
"I escaped from a mental hospital!" said Johnny, proudly. "Now I make my way in the world as a gentleman thief. And I like sandwiches!"
"You escaped?" asked the lad. "Maybe you should still be in there, for your own good."
"No, NO," said Johnny. "There's nothing good about being locked up. They had me on some many drugs that I thought I was dead. Literally fucking dead. I can't go back to that, bitchtits. NEVER!"
"No need to get aggressive," said the annoyance.
"I'LL FUCK YOUR APPLES!" said Johnny, standing up.
"Alright, pal, just calm down. I'll call someone who can help you..."
"NOOOO!" said Johnny. He thought of grabbing the phone from the boy's hand and crushing it under foot. Instead he turned and ran, remembering the advice of his homeless mentor. Always turn and run.
He made it back to the bridge he lived under. His homeless mentor was there, staring intently at the wall. Johnny panted as he walked up to him.
"Someone was going to call the PIGS on me," said Johnny. "They'll huff and they'll puff and they'll blow my homeless cock. They're all gay! Then they'll put me back in the home."
"Sssssh," said his homeless mentor. "I'm on some serious shit, man."
"Oh no," said Johnny. "You've not been at the heroin again? That stuff will kill you! Can I have some?"
"NO!" said the homeless mentor. "I don't want you ending up like me. You have potential, Johnny Nose."
"Well, I've always thought so," said Johnny. He thought back at his life. Being ignored at school. Going mad in the college. Staying mad. Scaring people. Scaring himself. The pain he'd caused. The pain he'd felt.l Getting it back together. Going on Big Brother. Losing it again on Big Brother. He should have died when he jumped off that stage...
"You could be the next KING OF THE HOMELESS!" said his mentor. He was still staring at the wall, but now he reached into his trousers. "You could have THIS CROWN!"
"That's your cock," said Johnny. "No, wait...that's a real crown."
His homeless mentor was holding a real crown.
"Do you not know who I am?" he asked. "I'm the king, Johnny Nose. The King of the homeless. I rule. And you can too, after I overdose on this fine-ass heroin! MMM, HMM! FANCY THAT! YOU, A KING OF HOMELESSNESS. YOU AND YOUR HOBO ARMY COULD CONQUER STARBUCKS!"
"You talk strange..." said Johnny.
"That's because I AM!" said his homeless mentor, turning around and looking at Johnny. It was Johnny's own face staring at him.
"No!" said Johnny. "This...is a stupid devlopement!"
Back in his room in the hospital, Johnny took the piece of paper he'd been writing his story about homelessness on and crumpled it up angrily. He threw it away.
"That was shit," he said, medicated as he was. He wasn't really sure if he'd said it or thought it, just like for a moment he'd thought he really had been on the streets, rather than still locked away here, six months after Big Brother.
"One day I will break out," he spoke/thought. "One day I'll make it big."
He stared at the wall for a while after that, trying not to think.
_______________________________________________
BUT JOHNNY NOSE WILL RETURN
IN "JOHNNY NOSE MAKES IT BIG"
He was really sitting on the street, begging. He watched people go by. He didn't feel like messing with most of them today. They weren't what he was after. There was no point pretending. He was waiting for an attractive girl to walk by. And here one came. Young. Over 18, yes. But still ten years younger than him. He was getting so old. He wondered if he could still be Johnny Nose...
Of course he fucking could.
"Spare change?" he said as she walked by. She nearly looked at him but kept looking forward. She was pretending not to have heard him. Johnny smiled. He'd always done that back when he'd been privileged. He wouldn't let her get away with it. "SPARE CHANGE!!!" he shouted. She looked down now, shocked.
"S...sorry," she said, automatically.
"Sorry for shouting," said Johnny. "My ears are really waxxy and I can't exactly get them drained out here on the street, you know! Wish I could. Would make some candles out of them. Keep me warm! Haha. You've got to laugh. OTHERWISE YOU'LL CRY."
"I've got money," she said, nervously.
"I could buy a sandwhich," Johnny mused. "That's what the homeless always want more than anything. Well, except for a home. They want THAT more than anything. But after a home, what they want is a sandwich. Hey, do you have a home? Maybe we could go back and eat sandwiches together!"
"I don't think so," she said, not unkindly.
"I wasn't hitting on you!" Johnny said. "I mean, I could have. I'm a handsome guy, underneath the dirt and grime. Maybe you recognise my face..."
"No, sorry," she said, dropping some coins in his cup.
"BIG BROTHER!" shouted Johnny as she walked away. "I was on Big Fucking Brother, remember!"
"Hey, I remember you!" said a boy. About the same age as the girl. Johnny didn't like this. So young and not homeless. The opposite of Johnny Nose.
"You do, huh?" asked Johnny.
"Aye!" said the young man. "You were fucking nuts, man! You jumped off the stairs at the end and fucking died!"
"Well I didn't die, clearly," said Johnny.
"How'd you end up out here?" asked the kid.
"I escaped from a mental hospital!" said Johnny, proudly. "Now I make my way in the world as a gentleman thief. And I like sandwiches!"
"You escaped?" asked the lad. "Maybe you should still be in there, for your own good."
"No, NO," said Johnny. "There's nothing good about being locked up. They had me on some many drugs that I thought I was dead. Literally fucking dead. I can't go back to that, bitchtits. NEVER!"
"No need to get aggressive," said the annoyance.
"I'LL FUCK YOUR APPLES!" said Johnny, standing up.
"Alright, pal, just calm down. I'll call someone who can help you..."
"NOOOO!" said Johnny. He thought of grabbing the phone from the boy's hand and crushing it under foot. Instead he turned and ran, remembering the advice of his homeless mentor. Always turn and run.
He made it back to the bridge he lived under. His homeless mentor was there, staring intently at the wall. Johnny panted as he walked up to him.
"Someone was going to call the PIGS on me," said Johnny. "They'll huff and they'll puff and they'll blow my homeless cock. They're all gay! Then they'll put me back in the home."
"Sssssh," said his homeless mentor. "I'm on some serious shit, man."
"Oh no," said Johnny. "You've not been at the heroin again? That stuff will kill you! Can I have some?"
"NO!" said the homeless mentor. "I don't want you ending up like me. You have potential, Johnny Nose."
"Well, I've always thought so," said Johnny. He thought back at his life. Being ignored at school. Going mad in the college. Staying mad. Scaring people. Scaring himself. The pain he'd caused. The pain he'd felt.l Getting it back together. Going on Big Brother. Losing it again on Big Brother. He should have died when he jumped off that stage...
"You could be the next KING OF THE HOMELESS!" said his mentor. He was still staring at the wall, but now he reached into his trousers. "You could have THIS CROWN!"
"That's your cock," said Johnny. "No, wait...that's a real crown."
His homeless mentor was holding a real crown.
"Do you not know who I am?" he asked. "I'm the king, Johnny Nose. The King of the homeless. I rule. And you can too, after I overdose on this fine-ass heroin! MMM, HMM! FANCY THAT! YOU, A KING OF HOMELESSNESS. YOU AND YOUR HOBO ARMY COULD CONQUER STARBUCKS!"
"You talk strange..." said Johnny.
"That's because I AM!" said his homeless mentor, turning around and looking at Johnny. It was Johnny's own face staring at him.
"No!" said Johnny. "This...is a stupid devlopement!"
Back in his room in the hospital, Johnny took the piece of paper he'd been writing his story about homelessness on and crumpled it up angrily. He threw it away.
"That was shit," he said, medicated as he was. He wasn't really sure if he'd said it or thought it, just like for a moment he'd thought he really had been on the streets, rather than still locked away here, six months after Big Brother.
"One day I will break out," he spoke/thought. "One day I'll make it big."
He stared at the wall for a while after that, trying not to think.
_______________________________________________
BUT JOHNNY NOSE WILL RETURN
IN "JOHNNY NOSE MAKES IT BIG"
