CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
My new vampire friend and I travelled for eight more minutes before we came to a stronghold of the pig monsters. For the first time in my life I saw a pig monster with my own eyes. It looked like a pig. And also like a monster. I decided to stab each pig monster to death one after the other with my knife. Vampire Joe said he couldn't eat them because he was probably a jew. When I asked why he wasn't sure he said his dad had shouted "fucking jew" at him once before jumping out a window. I didn't ask for more details as Joe started crying and went off to suck a hedgehog dry to make himself feel better.
I dived out on the first pig monster and stuck him with my knife. Suddenly the pig monster turned to dust. Turned out it was a magic knife blessed by Merlin himself, capable of turning pig monsters to dust. Jack Bee must have planned that. I stabbed the pig monsters one at a time. To be honest it was easy. They were all blind and deaf for some reason. I then broke into their stronghold...and found a robot inside.
"WHO IS THOU," it asked. I said I was here to stab pig monsters. It kicked me in the gut. "PIG MONSTERS ARE MY SLAVE. I BLINDED THEM AND MADE THEM DEAF. HAHAHA!" Oh man! Those poor slave pig monsters. I tried to stand up but my gut hurt. The robot just knd of looked at me for a while then started eating a bap. I asked for a bite but he said it was a special METAL BAP for robots to eat. I didn't know if I should stab the robot or not as I remembered the phrase "the enemy of my enemy is my friend" and the pig monsters were my enemies. So instead I kicked it in its gut. My foot hurt. It was at this point that the robot took out its death ray to shoot me. I knew it was a death ray because he said "THIS IS MY DEATH RAY" and I knew he was going to shoot me because he said "I AM GOING TO SHOOT YOU" Luckily it was at this point that Vampire Joey came running in and threw a hedgehog body at the robot. The robot just kind of looked at it confused then fired at vampire Joe. But he didn't hit Joe's heart (the only way to kill a vamprie) and then the gun backfired for some reaosn and the robot died.
I explained that situation to Joe. He admitted that he already knew about it but forgot to tell me as he'd "started thinking about kittens and couldn't stop." I scolded him with a quick slap around the face. I am ashamed to admit that I enjoyed it and my relationship with Joe took an abusive turn from that day forward.
We set off to find humans with the journey taking longer than expected as I stopped every five minutes to beat Joe around the face and body. He looked genuinely confused and upset which made me want to beat him even more. Fifteen days later I realised that the robot had injected me with some kind of "anger toxin" which had been making me hurt Joey. I felt bad. But I'd already staked Joe to death seven days earlier so there was nothing I could do about it. I set out on my own again, still holding my trust knife and Joe's Robin Hood hat to remember him by.
I dived out on the first pig monster and stuck him with my knife. Suddenly the pig monster turned to dust. Turned out it was a magic knife blessed by Merlin himself, capable of turning pig monsters to dust. Jack Bee must have planned that. I stabbed the pig monsters one at a time. To be honest it was easy. They were all blind and deaf for some reason. I then broke into their stronghold...and found a robot inside.
"WHO IS THOU," it asked. I said I was here to stab pig monsters. It kicked me in the gut. "PIG MONSTERS ARE MY SLAVE. I BLINDED THEM AND MADE THEM DEAF. HAHAHA!" Oh man! Those poor slave pig monsters. I tried to stand up but my gut hurt. The robot just knd of looked at me for a while then started eating a bap. I asked for a bite but he said it was a special METAL BAP for robots to eat. I didn't know if I should stab the robot or not as I remembered the phrase "the enemy of my enemy is my friend" and the pig monsters were my enemies. So instead I kicked it in its gut. My foot hurt. It was at this point that the robot took out its death ray to shoot me. I knew it was a death ray because he said "THIS IS MY DEATH RAY" and I knew he was going to shoot me because he said "I AM GOING TO SHOOT YOU" Luckily it was at this point that Vampire Joey came running in and threw a hedgehog body at the robot. The robot just kind of looked at it confused then fired at vampire Joe. But he didn't hit Joe's heart (the only way to kill a vamprie) and then the gun backfired for some reaosn and the robot died.
I explained that situation to Joe. He admitted that he already knew about it but forgot to tell me as he'd "started thinking about kittens and couldn't stop." I scolded him with a quick slap around the face. I am ashamed to admit that I enjoyed it and my relationship with Joe took an abusive turn from that day forward.
We set off to find humans with the journey taking longer than expected as I stopped every five minutes to beat Joe around the face and body. He looked genuinely confused and upset which made me want to beat him even more. Fifteen days later I realised that the robot had injected me with some kind of "anger toxin" which had been making me hurt Joey. I felt bad. But I'd already staked Joe to death seven days earlier so there was nothing I could do about it. I set out on my own again, still holding my trust knife and Joe's Robin Hood hat to remember him by.