CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
"I keep having to touch my body to make sure it's still there. I'm just sitting there doing something when I'm suddenly aware of what I am. It can't be right. I can't be this. I'm just an animal. An animated bag of meat. It terrifies me. I have to keep touching my head. Pounding my chest. But in a way that just makes it worse. I need to retreat inside my head completely. Retreat to a new reality, one only of thought," said 528.
"You know how sometimes you think you've woken up, you get out of bed, you brush your teeth, pee or whatever...then you wake up for real and you're still in bed and it was just a dream? I get that a lot. Like sometimes I get it in layers, where I have it and I wake up and and I'm like "Ah, I caught you out!" and get out of bed but then I wake up AGAIN and I'm fucking punching myself in anger. I get that quite a lot. Sometimes it feels like I've dreamt a whole day. Maybe I have. How would I know? They're all the same anyway. I'm always weary when I get out of bed now. Am I still dreaming? This goes on for hours. Am I about to wake up? I feel the sleep in my eyes. You know it, don't you? The sleep in your eyes? I feel it and it's so heavy. I feel it and I think I'm about to wake up. Wasted a whole day dreaming. I hate it. I try to rip it out. One day I was standing in front of the mirror trying to see the sleep and I couldn't but I could feel it and I started ripping it out. But I delvered too deep. I started ripping out parts of myself. And they flew out of me into the mirror. And now I was losing memories as I tore them out and I could see them play out before me in the mirror and I wondered if these things had really happened to me because I couldn't remember becasue I had ripped them out. And I watched myself holding hands with a girl and skipping through a field and thought there was no way that could have happened. Maybe it wasn't a real memory, just the memory of a fantasy. Maybe it was a possible future that could have come if I hadn't ripped my soul out trying to get the sleep out of my eyes. Then I realised that this was all a dream and I was about to wake up. And then I was back in bed. Which was okay this time. Because I didn't want any of that to have been real. But then it all started again and I was never quite sure what was real. I couldn't wank very well after that. I tried to think about the girl from the field and imagine how her hand felt in mine. I couldn't remember."
"We have to get out of this," said 528 in a rare moment of lucidity.
"I've been saying that all along," said 529.
"You know how sometimes you think you've woken up, you get out of bed, you brush your teeth, pee or whatever...then you wake up for real and you're still in bed and it was just a dream? I get that a lot. Like sometimes I get it in layers, where I have it and I wake up and and I'm like "Ah, I caught you out!" and get out of bed but then I wake up AGAIN and I'm fucking punching myself in anger. I get that quite a lot. Sometimes it feels like I've dreamt a whole day. Maybe I have. How would I know? They're all the same anyway. I'm always weary when I get out of bed now. Am I still dreaming? This goes on for hours. Am I about to wake up? I feel the sleep in my eyes. You know it, don't you? The sleep in your eyes? I feel it and it's so heavy. I feel it and I think I'm about to wake up. Wasted a whole day dreaming. I hate it. I try to rip it out. One day I was standing in front of the mirror trying to see the sleep and I couldn't but I could feel it and I started ripping it out. But I delvered too deep. I started ripping out parts of myself. And they flew out of me into the mirror. And now I was losing memories as I tore them out and I could see them play out before me in the mirror and I wondered if these things had really happened to me because I couldn't remember becasue I had ripped them out. And I watched myself holding hands with a girl and skipping through a field and thought there was no way that could have happened. Maybe it wasn't a real memory, just the memory of a fantasy. Maybe it was a possible future that could have come if I hadn't ripped my soul out trying to get the sleep out of my eyes. Then I realised that this was all a dream and I was about to wake up. And then I was back in bed. Which was okay this time. Because I didn't want any of that to have been real. But then it all started again and I was never quite sure what was real. I couldn't wank very well after that. I tried to think about the girl from the field and imagine how her hand felt in mine. I couldn't remember."
"We have to get out of this," said 528 in a rare moment of lucidity.
"I've been saying that all along," said 529.