CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
brought to you by 528529 who have4 given up ever being real agani
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"my brain feels like ground beef," said Johnny Nose to his doctor.
"What do you mean by that?" asked the doctor, leaning forward.
"I HATE BEING ALIVE," shouted Johnny.
"Why do you feel that way?" asked the doctor, leaning backward.
"everything's frizzy like grank nibble," said Johnny, looking at his feet.
"I don't understand...did you make those words up?"
"I have to make up words because there aren't words for the things I feel. Normal people are never toastburned!"
"Tell me about these words," said the doctor, leaning sidways.
"No, you won't understand, you're a frando, I'm handteeth, we're not the same, don't fit, DON'T FIT ANYWHERE," said Johnny, kicking his feet.
"Tell me about it," said the doctor.
"SHUT UP HAYNOSE," said Johnny.
"You're a young boy," said the doctor. It was true, Johnny was only TEN YEARS OLD. "At this age, the world can seem confusing, especailly for someone with your diagnosis..."
"ASPERGER BOY," said Johnny. "GOT ASPERGER'S UP TO MY BALLS."
"Yes," said the doctor. "And ADHD, of course..."
"I can pay attention if I want to," said Johnny, grinning to himself. "It's just none of you ever say anything worth listening to."
"You need help, you need to accept that," said the doctor.
"I'm beyond help, I've seen the future. I know what I become. You think I'm bad now? At least I have friends. When I don't randomly punch them anwyay. At least I talk to people. At least I do things. Do you want to know what I become? Hahahaha! I never do anything human for the rest of my life. It gets worse and worse, less and less...until there is nothing."
"How do you know all this?" asked the doctor, leaning forward.
"Because I'm from the future, you frondfuck," said Johnny, looking up madly. "I'm my own adult self, travelled back in time twenty years into this child body, to change history during a meeting with a doctor shortly after I had first been disagnosed with various mental health disorders...they are the wrong disagnosis, by the way. I don't blame you all. How many medical health people have I seen now? Twenty? I don't blame you all. What I have fits enough of the crietia that i can see why you would think I have all those things. But I don't. I only have one thing. It hasn't been discovered yet."
"And what's that?" asked the doctor, leaning further forward.
"NOSE BRAIN!" said Johnny. "I HAVE TWENTY DEAD NOSES RATTLING AROUND IN MY SKULL INSTEAD OF A BRAIN. THAT'S WHY I'M THE WAY I AM."
"Oh Johnny..."
"No, it's not literally that...that's just a metaphor. You see it's so alien to everyone else, even the most experienced mental health people that it MAY AS WELL BE twenty dead noses rattling around in my skull...you see?"
"I think I understand what your'e saying."
"So now we have to get me help, at ten years old! You have to cut me open! EXAMINE MY RAW BRAIN."
"We can't do that, Johnny."
"Why, because I'm ten? I'LL HIT YOU."
"Johnny, please, calm down."
Johnny stands and grabs the doctor. "HELP ME YOU FUCKLIP. HELP MEEEEEEEEE"
"Johnny, you're hurting me!"
"Crack my ten year old skull open then!"
"I CAN'T."
"WHY NOT?"
"Because you're a fully grown adult man!"
"What?" asked Johnny. He stopped. It was madness. His doctor had gone mad. ANd yet...he did feel very tall. "No, I'm an adult man in the future...I time travelled into my child body."
"You're an adult man NOW, Johnny. You had a mental break. Started thinking you were ten years old...then you modified the story to be yourself, but in your ten year old body..."
"No, it's wrong. WRONG LIKE DINOSAURS. GOD CREATED US ALL."
"Look in the mirror, Johnny," said the doctor, flipping over a mirror that had been lying face down on his desk. Johnny gasped.
"I'm...I'm black!" said Johnny.
"WHat?" said the doctor, checking the mirror.
"JUST KIDDING," said Johnny, punching out the doctor in the face with no warning, knocking him clean unconscious. "I KNEW I WAS ME ALL ALONG. I JUST NEEDED A WAY TO GET INSIDE YOUR OFFICE. TO STEAL ALL YOUR DRUGS! HAAHAHAHA! THAT WAS THE PLAN ALL ALONG! I PRETEND TO BE A CHILD TO GET IN HERE AS AN ADULT TO STEAL ALL YOUR DRUGS! HAAHAHA! NOW, WHERE ARE THEY?"
Johnny looked around but culdn't find any.
"Fuck...need to remember the layout...there wer edrugs here..."
"Johnny, there are no drugs," said the doctor, somehow he had just stepped in the room.
"You're dead, I punched you," said Johnny.
"You're imagining all this," said the doctor. "You're in a mental instutiuon. This isn't your real life. It's all in your head.
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!"
"Well, no. You're not in a mental instituion. You're in your bedroom, imagining all this. As you well know."
"But I'm still ten, right? I still have hope?"
"No, you're an adult. With no hope."
"That's...that's right," said Johnny, looking around at his bedroom. "No hope."
He started to cry into his pillow, but stopped himself.
"AT LEAST I CAN WANK!" he said. But he coudln't think of anything to wnak over.
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"my brain feels like ground beef," said Johnny Nose to his doctor.
"What do you mean by that?" asked the doctor, leaning forward.
"I HATE BEING ALIVE," shouted Johnny.
"Why do you feel that way?" asked the doctor, leaning backward.
"everything's frizzy like grank nibble," said Johnny, looking at his feet.
"I don't understand...did you make those words up?"
"I have to make up words because there aren't words for the things I feel. Normal people are never toastburned!"
"Tell me about these words," said the doctor, leaning sidways.
"No, you won't understand, you're a frando, I'm handteeth, we're not the same, don't fit, DON'T FIT ANYWHERE," said Johnny, kicking his feet.
"Tell me about it," said the doctor.
"SHUT UP HAYNOSE," said Johnny.
"You're a young boy," said the doctor. It was true, Johnny was only TEN YEARS OLD. "At this age, the world can seem confusing, especailly for someone with your diagnosis..."
"ASPERGER BOY," said Johnny. "GOT ASPERGER'S UP TO MY BALLS."
"Yes," said the doctor. "And ADHD, of course..."
"I can pay attention if I want to," said Johnny, grinning to himself. "It's just none of you ever say anything worth listening to."
"You need help, you need to accept that," said the doctor.
"I'm beyond help, I've seen the future. I know what I become. You think I'm bad now? At least I have friends. When I don't randomly punch them anwyay. At least I talk to people. At least I do things. Do you want to know what I become? Hahahaha! I never do anything human for the rest of my life. It gets worse and worse, less and less...until there is nothing."
"How do you know all this?" asked the doctor, leaning forward.
"Because I'm from the future, you frondfuck," said Johnny, looking up madly. "I'm my own adult self, travelled back in time twenty years into this child body, to change history during a meeting with a doctor shortly after I had first been disagnosed with various mental health disorders...they are the wrong disagnosis, by the way. I don't blame you all. How many medical health people have I seen now? Twenty? I don't blame you all. What I have fits enough of the crietia that i can see why you would think I have all those things. But I don't. I only have one thing. It hasn't been discovered yet."
"And what's that?" asked the doctor, leaning further forward.
"NOSE BRAIN!" said Johnny. "I HAVE TWENTY DEAD NOSES RATTLING AROUND IN MY SKULL INSTEAD OF A BRAIN. THAT'S WHY I'M THE WAY I AM."
"Oh Johnny..."
"No, it's not literally that...that's just a metaphor. You see it's so alien to everyone else, even the most experienced mental health people that it MAY AS WELL BE twenty dead noses rattling around in my skull...you see?"
"I think I understand what your'e saying."
"So now we have to get me help, at ten years old! You have to cut me open! EXAMINE MY RAW BRAIN."
"We can't do that, Johnny."
"Why, because I'm ten? I'LL HIT YOU."
"Johnny, please, calm down."
Johnny stands and grabs the doctor. "HELP ME YOU FUCKLIP. HELP MEEEEEEEEE"
"Johnny, you're hurting me!"
"Crack my ten year old skull open then!"
"I CAN'T."
"WHY NOT?"
"Because you're a fully grown adult man!"
"What?" asked Johnny. He stopped. It was madness. His doctor had gone mad. ANd yet...he did feel very tall. "No, I'm an adult man in the future...I time travelled into my child body."
"You're an adult man NOW, Johnny. You had a mental break. Started thinking you were ten years old...then you modified the story to be yourself, but in your ten year old body..."
"No, it's wrong. WRONG LIKE DINOSAURS. GOD CREATED US ALL."
"Look in the mirror, Johnny," said the doctor, flipping over a mirror that had been lying face down on his desk. Johnny gasped.
"I'm...I'm black!" said Johnny.
"WHat?" said the doctor, checking the mirror.
"JUST KIDDING," said Johnny, punching out the doctor in the face with no warning, knocking him clean unconscious. "I KNEW I WAS ME ALL ALONG. I JUST NEEDED A WAY TO GET INSIDE YOUR OFFICE. TO STEAL ALL YOUR DRUGS! HAAHAHAHA! THAT WAS THE PLAN ALL ALONG! I PRETEND TO BE A CHILD TO GET IN HERE AS AN ADULT TO STEAL ALL YOUR DRUGS! HAAHAHA! NOW, WHERE ARE THEY?"
Johnny looked around but culdn't find any.
"Fuck...need to remember the layout...there wer edrugs here..."
"Johnny, there are no drugs," said the doctor, somehow he had just stepped in the room.
"You're dead, I punched you," said Johnny.
"You're imagining all this," said the doctor. "You're in a mental instutiuon. This isn't your real life. It's all in your head.
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!"
"Well, no. You're not in a mental instituion. You're in your bedroom, imagining all this. As you well know."
"But I'm still ten, right? I still have hope?"
"No, you're an adult. With no hope."
"That's...that's right," said Johnny, looking around at his bedroom. "No hope."
He started to cry into his pillow, but stopped himself.
"AT LEAST I CAN WANK!" he said. But he coudln't think of anything to wnak over.
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