thing of the day (thing+420)

[CaptainWacky]

420 lol drugs lo

ga
sgh
ghj
jj m

i've never done drugs

maybe i should have

too late now

ummm

see the thing is

i wan tot post a thing of the day

becaue i haven't done many lately

but there's nothing in my head

and how do i represent a clouded nothing

other than just stabbing at random keys

but all i've ever done for 421 things of the day is stab at random keys

so how i represent today's state of mind in a way that is different from previous sates of mind

because it is different

there' smuch less me today

i've moving around a smaller mental area

i'm very limited

it's all routine

not just in my life

my thought processes follow routines

it's impossible to break

because i don't exist outside the routines

i am defined by the routines

i am the routines

so there's the dillemmeas
gdfji

dillemma

is that how you spell it

it's funny how you forget some things and remember ohter things

you don't really have a chocie i the njater

mATTER

ji

sometimes you don't have memories and you don't know who you are

that's weird

are you the same person then?

I suppose so

because you transition from those moments into moments where your identity has returned

so there's a continuity

or si there?

do we just imagine there's a continuity?

becasue we can rmemeber thigns from one moment ot he next?

i don't knw

i stopped for like five minutes there after typing "or si there?"

am I the same person who typed that mess?

i don't know

there's no way of knowing really!

but i mean

you exist in moments

and in some moments you barely exist at all

because it closes in

the mental area

so therere's nothing flowing around

and without fluidity you're nothing

and i have less fluidity than most most of the time anyway

so in the moments where there's nothing

but a trapped thought

would it really matter if I died?

no

of course not

there would be so little change

all the stored memories would be gone, of course

but if the me who can access them isn't there nayway

what does it matter

i'm not always alive even when i'm alive

so yeah

it's not going to get better

and every moment i live increases the likelyhood that I will die

i keep forgetign to be me


one day i'll forget and the next thing i know i'll be dead

wait

i won't know about that

fuck

i really should have done drugs

 

[Cassie]

Maybe we're more alive when we're asleep.

 

[CaptainWacky]

I had lots of weird dreams and waking up every hour last night.

 

[FBI parte due]

It doesn't hurt, but sometimes I feel like parts of me are about to start falling off.