thing of the day (thing+440)

[CaptainWacky]

ggggggggggggggggggggggggh

g








tir4ed

but not

it's a living

no

a waking sleep

a living coma

a living awakeness

not tired just not existence

my soul went to sleep but i'm still awake






no that's stupid I don't have a SOUL

HAHAHA

I need to epxlina in a new note

I call them notes now

____________________________

so you know when you can't sleep

and you just lie awake for hours and you can't sleep at all

and maybe it's because your heart's beating really fast

or you just can't stop thinking about things

not even necessarily worrying about things, just thinking about things

whatever

you can't sleep

you're literally awake all night

so the next day you feel like a zombie because of no sleep

and I guess that's depression isn't it?

but the they night comes an dyou think "well I was literally awake all of last night so AT LEAST I'll get some sleep tonight because that's how my body works surely"

thehn it's nother night of no sleep

just the same thing

and you'#re just stting there thinking "COME ON GET TO SLEEP"

and maybe suddenly you dbnd't even feel tired anymore

WTF!

so you're up all night again

and the next day are you tired/

maybe

maybe you can't tell

you just keep going and going

doing nothing naturally because you're an autism-riddled mess but that's aother story (of the day!)

no

so then eventually you sleep

and you sleep properly

you get a nice long sleep

you cna't believe the time you woke up at if you do't have to wake up at a certain time anyway

the point is you should be refreshed now

but no!

now your tired

you're tired all fucking day

an dyou can't even think

you can barely even feel anxiety

you can't keep your eyes open

and you sleep again the nex tnight

the whole fuckintg night!

no lying awake worrying

just sleep

and you 'd sleep all day if yo could

WTF

how can you slepe all the time now

how could before you were up like three days with no sleep

you actually should have been tired then and you needed the sleep

but now you don't need the sleep and you can't stay awake!

what's going on there

and wish is worse

because you might think insomnia is the depressive phase

but maybe the sleepy phase is worse

maybe true depression is not feeling anything to the point where you don't know if you exist

or maybe that's your body shutting down

as a defense

your body knows you've been awake lyingin bed thinkinga bout death and female celebrtieis too much so it shuts you down for a while

and your defensively tired

a cacoon of sleep

but what if you can enver wake up form it again?

what if your body forgets to wake you up?

WHAT IF YOU WER ENEVER AWAKE AND EVERYTING WAS A DREAM LOL IGNORE THIS LINe

yeah

of course you m9ight never be awake again to answer the question

forever sleep

because being awake is worse?

i guess

but at least when your'e awake you're you

even if that you is full of buzzing

at least your buzzing with the universe man

no

go to sleep

fade into the universe

white noise

become static

become nothing

all identity goes

you're just the night

you weren't real anyway

no

WAKE UP#

PANIC!

JUST GOING TO DIE!

NEVER DONE ANYTHING

LOL

NOT EVEN A FUCKING PERSON CNA'T GET TO SLEEP

so who knows

I guess the ideal is to be niether of those things?

but for some people that isn't an option

some people just werne't built to be alive

evolution

we nee4d those outlyers

random mutations

don't worry

my genes won't be passed on

I'm an evolutionary dead end

I'm just leavin thing of the day as my legacy

so that scinetits in the future can find it and say "ah, worthless man DID exist!"

when all worthlessniess is wiped out

when everybody fits

everyone severs a purpose

everyone is happy

no one sleep too much or too little

they sleep exactly however long they want man

isn't that the draem

lol