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thing of the day (thing+672)

CaptainWacky

I want to smell dark matter
"Rihanna, but how!" said Taylor. "We saw your ship crash!"

"I ejected, okay?" said Rihanna. "Had to hide out for a while, so that they'd think I died. I started killing aliens. Killed my way up to the point where I killed the guy who feeds you. Cut the bastard open and wore his skin. Lived a whole day in his wife. Had to slaughter his wife and children because they were getting suspicious. Shame, that. They cried so much. Especially the baby. But I had to do it. And finally I'm here. So come, let's go!"

"We're on our way!" said Madonna. But Taylor hesitated.

"You killed...children?" asked Taylor.

"Alien children, ho," said Rihanna. "They don't even bleed our blood. They ain't like us! And I did it to save you! I heard you, Taylor, you going nuts talking about life being an illusion and time being a lie...you got to forget that shit, biatch. You got to give yourself a reason to live and you got to make that reason revenge on these robot bastards! So come on, we'll kill our way out of here and steal one of their ships, whores!"

"Okay...but...no killing if we can help it," said Taylor. "My cats wouldn't approve."

Suddenly the alien hologram appeared in front of them again. "Going somewhere?" it asked.

"We're leaving your unholy zoo behind," said Madonna.

"But you would have been so happy here," said the alien, sounding serious. "I made you immortal, ageless. But as soon as you leave the planet your DNA will revert back to normal. You will wither and die."

"Who cares," said Taylor. "Life is a cosmic joke." But now Madonna hesitated.

"I planned to breed the both of you together," said the alien. "I would have altered your DNA, Madonna. Made you male. Gave you a great big penis. And then you would have impregnated Taylor."

"You think THAT'S going to win us over?" asked Taylor, disgusted. But Madonna looked even more conflicted now.

"To have a great big penis," she said. "I...secretly I have dreamt of it...and to make love to you, Taylor. Your beautiful young body, your pale skin, your..." Rihanna hit Madonna over the head, knocking her out, then put her over her shoulder.

"Madonna was turning," she said, casually. "Had to do it. Come on, let's go!" Taylor nodded. Rihanna tossed her a sword. They ran. Alarms blared. Robot guards attacked. Rihanna destroyed them with ease, even with Madonna over her shoulder. Taylor did well too. But as they got further out of the zoo, alien guards started to appear, firing their rayguns. Rihanna reflected their blasts using her sword, but Taylor could only duck. Taylor watched as Rihanna cut one alien in two from head to crotch with her sword. Then an alien lunged at Taylor. She lowered her sword, without really thinking of it. The alien was impaled. She looked into its eyes as it died.

"I'm sorry," said Taylor.

They continued to fight their way out. A spaceship was parked just outside the zoon. They ran up the ramp.

"Can you fly it?" Taylor asked.

"Bitch, I've never met a spaceship I can't fly," smiled Rihanna.

Then a blast from an alien raygun hit Rihanna in the stomach.
 
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