CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
"I am not Madonna," she said, on the monitor. "Not anymore. Finally I am what I was always supposed to be. What I was always destined to be. All these years, all those songs, all those re-inventions...I was searching for something. Something real. Something...squid. The old power is withing me now. I can feel it. I understand so much. Once I walked the Earth as...a man. The Squidinator. Before that, in ancient times, I was the God king of the world. All will know me again. I am...The Madonninator! And Taylor, I know you're watching this. I can feel you. I'm coming for you, Taylor. And then you shall watch the world burn." Then Madonna destroyed the drone camera with her squid ink. Russell Brand jumped backwards in shock.
"Blimey!" he said. "It's all getting a bit heavy, isn't it? End of the world? Best stay up 'ere on the lovely old moon where it's nice and safe, m'lady! 'ere, 'ow about you and I restart the human race like an even SEXIER Adam and Eve?"
"This isn't a FUCKING JOKE!" said Taylor, and she kicked Russell in the neck in her rage. He clutched his throat in pain, choking. "Sorry, but they're going to kill seven billion people. I have no time to fuck around with you. Ineed to get back to Earth. I need to end this. I need to kill Madonna and dismantle the robot."
"Wait," coughed Russell, as Taylor stormed to the exit of the moonbase. "I'm...I'm sure. I used to believe in things too, Taylor. I used to believe in revolution. I thought I could make the world a better place with my ideas. For a while people actually listened to me. I thought I was making a difference. But then I made seventeen terrible movies in a row and suddenly people didn't respect me anymore. I'll...I'll help you, Taylor Swift. I'll help you kill Madonna and do whatever you said to that robot. And that bitch Katy Perry, we can kill her too if we get the chance. I'll help you. I know I'll die in the attempt. I'm not stupid. But my life has been worthless. I want my death at least to have some meaning."
"Make love to me right now," said Taylor, slamming the door shut.
And they totally did it.
"What abot Calvin Harris?" asked Russell when they were finished.
"He dumped me when he found out I like girls too," said Taylor.
"You're bi?" asked Russell.
"Yeah. That going to be a problem?" she asked.
"No, I am too!" said Russell. "I have sex with a male alien who lives here on the moon! It's strange, I never thought I was bi before he came along...here he is now!"
"HELLO RUSSELL DARLING!" said a gay alien who had just entered the moonbase. Then he noticed Taylor. "YOU!" He pulled out an alien gun.
"What are you doing, babe!?" asked Russell in shock.
"There's a bounty on her head! And I mean to collect it!"
"Blimey!" he said. "It's all getting a bit heavy, isn't it? End of the world? Best stay up 'ere on the lovely old moon where it's nice and safe, m'lady! 'ere, 'ow about you and I restart the human race like an even SEXIER Adam and Eve?"
"This isn't a FUCKING JOKE!" said Taylor, and she kicked Russell in the neck in her rage. He clutched his throat in pain, choking. "Sorry, but they're going to kill seven billion people. I have no time to fuck around with you. Ineed to get back to Earth. I need to end this. I need to kill Madonna and dismantle the robot."
"Wait," coughed Russell, as Taylor stormed to the exit of the moonbase. "I'm...I'm sure. I used to believe in things too, Taylor. I used to believe in revolution. I thought I could make the world a better place with my ideas. For a while people actually listened to me. I thought I was making a difference. But then I made seventeen terrible movies in a row and suddenly people didn't respect me anymore. I'll...I'll help you, Taylor Swift. I'll help you kill Madonna and do whatever you said to that robot. And that bitch Katy Perry, we can kill her too if we get the chance. I'll help you. I know I'll die in the attempt. I'm not stupid. But my life has been worthless. I want my death at least to have some meaning."
"Make love to me right now," said Taylor, slamming the door shut.
And they totally did it.
"What abot Calvin Harris?" asked Russell when they were finished.
"He dumped me when he found out I like girls too," said Taylor.
"You're bi?" asked Russell.
"Yeah. That going to be a problem?" she asked.
"No, I am too!" said Russell. "I have sex with a male alien who lives here on the moon! It's strange, I never thought I was bi before he came along...here he is now!"
"HELLO RUSSELL DARLING!" said a gay alien who had just entered the moonbase. Then he noticed Taylor. "YOU!" He pulled out an alien gun.
"What are you doing, babe!?" asked Russell in shock.
"There's a bounty on her head! And I mean to collect it!"