CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
"Olivia!?" asked Taylor. "You can talk!?"
"Of coures, Goddess," she said, purring.
"And you keep calling me Goddess!" said Taylor, a little embarrased.
"Blimey!" said Russell Brand. "Who saw this coming!"
"Your cat is a Meepboop," said the robot, as if it was obvious.
"What!" said Taylor.
"We are a race of aliens from the future," purred Olivia. "I come from a different timeline than the robot, but I see he knows of my species. In my timeline, the Earth is at peace. My Goddess Taylor Swift has united the world through her music and legs. And that is why she cannot pilot the warp ship."
"Then who did pilot the warp ship and kill Squidonna in your timeline?" asked Kristen Stewart.
"As I said, I come from a different timeline than the robot. In my timeline, Squidonna never rose but humanity wasn't wiped out by Rihanna's robots either," said Olivia.
"Then there is hope for me?" said Rihanna, speaking for the first time in a while. She and her robots had not stepped in when Demi had gone evil. Taylor wondered if it was because Rihanna feared her robots would have gotten out of control if they had started fighting.
"Impossible," snorted the robot. "There is nothing of good in Rihanna's cold, mechanical heart. And without Squidonna to wipe her out? There can be no peace. Such a timeline cannot exist."
"And yet it does," purred Olivia. "And yet it does. Goddess, let me pilot the warp ship. I have lived a long life, been stroked many times. I am content to die in your name."
"That's very brave of you, Olivia," said Taylor, tickling Olivia behind her ears. "But I could never let you do that. Besides, I don't think the ship's control helmet would fit you."
"One of my ninjas then," said Kristen. "They could fly the ship..."
"The ship is genetically bonded to Taylor," said the robot. "Only she can fly it now. But she must not. I do not believe the lies spouted by this Meepboop, but I also do not wish for you to die, Taylor."
"That's very sweet coming from someone who once tried to commit genocide," said Taylor. "But it's the only way."
"Unless we clone you and use your clone to pilot the ship," said Rihanna. "I invented a cloning machine last week. I haven't tested it out yet, but it'll probably work. I'm fucking Rihanna after all."
"I don't know about the ethics of that," said Taylor. "The poor clone..."
"Oy, mates," said Russell. "Hate to interrupted you but Beyonce, Shakira, Lady GaGa, Avril Lavigne and my ex missus Katy Perrty are headed this way on flying motorcycles."
"Shit, he's right," said Kristen Stewart.
"Of course I am, m'lady!" said Russell.
"Don't touch me," said Kristen.
The ship's viewscreen showed the five of them flying at the ship, firing lasers from their motorcycles.
"DIE, IN THE NAME OF SQUIDONNA," they cried.
"We'll have to avoid them..." said Taylor, steering the ship with her mind.
"They could shoot us down," said the robot. "You have to kill them first."
"But...I can't," said Taylor. "I can't kill them. Can I?"
"Of coures, Goddess," she said, purring.
"And you keep calling me Goddess!" said Taylor, a little embarrased.
"Blimey!" said Russell Brand. "Who saw this coming!"
"Your cat is a Meepboop," said the robot, as if it was obvious.
"What!" said Taylor.
"We are a race of aliens from the future," purred Olivia. "I come from a different timeline than the robot, but I see he knows of my species. In my timeline, the Earth is at peace. My Goddess Taylor Swift has united the world through her music and legs. And that is why she cannot pilot the warp ship."
"Then who did pilot the warp ship and kill Squidonna in your timeline?" asked Kristen Stewart.
"As I said, I come from a different timeline than the robot. In my timeline, Squidonna never rose but humanity wasn't wiped out by Rihanna's robots either," said Olivia.
"Then there is hope for me?" said Rihanna, speaking for the first time in a while. She and her robots had not stepped in when Demi had gone evil. Taylor wondered if it was because Rihanna feared her robots would have gotten out of control if they had started fighting.
"Impossible," snorted the robot. "There is nothing of good in Rihanna's cold, mechanical heart. And without Squidonna to wipe her out? There can be no peace. Such a timeline cannot exist."
"And yet it does," purred Olivia. "And yet it does. Goddess, let me pilot the warp ship. I have lived a long life, been stroked many times. I am content to die in your name."
"That's very brave of you, Olivia," said Taylor, tickling Olivia behind her ears. "But I could never let you do that. Besides, I don't think the ship's control helmet would fit you."
"One of my ninjas then," said Kristen. "They could fly the ship..."
"The ship is genetically bonded to Taylor," said the robot. "Only she can fly it now. But she must not. I do not believe the lies spouted by this Meepboop, but I also do not wish for you to die, Taylor."
"That's very sweet coming from someone who once tried to commit genocide," said Taylor. "But it's the only way."
"Unless we clone you and use your clone to pilot the ship," said Rihanna. "I invented a cloning machine last week. I haven't tested it out yet, but it'll probably work. I'm fucking Rihanna after all."
"I don't know about the ethics of that," said Taylor. "The poor clone..."
"Oy, mates," said Russell. "Hate to interrupted you but Beyonce, Shakira, Lady GaGa, Avril Lavigne and my ex missus Katy Perrty are headed this way on flying motorcycles."
"Shit, he's right," said Kristen Stewart.
"Of course I am, m'lady!" said Russell.
"Don't touch me," said Kristen.
The ship's viewscreen showed the five of them flying at the ship, firing lasers from their motorcycles.
"DIE, IN THE NAME OF SQUIDONNA," they cried.
"We'll have to avoid them..." said Taylor, steering the ship with her mind.
"They could shoot us down," said the robot. "You have to kill them first."
"But...I can't," said Taylor. "I can't kill them. Can I?"