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thing of the day (thing+690)

CaptainWacky

I want to smell dark matter
"Just do it!" said Kristen Stewart. "We don't have time for your moralising!"

"Why are you so angry, Kristen?" asked Rihanna. "Leave Taylor alone."

"My lesbian ninjas might be dead because of Squidonna," said Kristen. "I'm not dying too." The ship shook as Avril Lavigne shot it with a missile.

"I can't avoid them all," said Taylor. "But I can't go to warp under such heavy fire..."

"The ship has guns," said the robot. "Use them. Become what you are meant to be."

The guns appeared on the front of the ship. Taylor could feel them through her control helmet. It would be so easy to gun Avril, Katy Perry, Lady Gaga, Shakira and Beyonce down. To burn them alive. She could see it in her head. She could see them burn...

"NO!" said Taylor. She fired a warning shot. All five motorcycles flew back for a moment. "I'm Taylor Fucking Swift and I do things my way. I'm not killing them. Fucking deal with it."

"And that is why you are my Goddess," purred Olivia Benson.

"Me dinkle's engorged again!" said Russell Brand.

"I'm making the ship fly as fast as it can without going to warp," said Taylor.

"It's working, the flying motorcycles can't keep up," said the robot. "Perahps it was not necessary to kill them..."

"Now only one thing remains," said Taylor. "Do what you need to do to the warp drive to make it go critical when I crash the ship into Squidonna. I grow weary of waiting. I want an end to this. To all things."

"There must be another way," purred Olivia. "The future needs you."

"Maybe the Taylor you know from the future was a clone I made from one of her pubes, cat," said Rihanna.

"LIES!" hissed Olivia Benson. "I would know if Future Taylor was a pube clone. HISSSSSS!"

"Okay, calm down, you furry ho," said Rihanna.

"Wait," said the robot. "The moutain...it's leaning towards us!" As strange as this sounded, it was true.

"Squidonna," said Taylor, whispering. She was standing on top of the mountain. Taylor could see her and she didn't know how. Squidonna looked less human than ever before. But she was smiling.

"TAYLOR," said Squidonna. "Let us end this..."

Black ink swallowed up the entire spaceship. The next thing any of them knew they were all lying dazed on the mountainside, Squidonna standing over them.

"Shit," said Taylor Swift.
 
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