CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
MUPPET BABIES, THEY KNOW LIFE IS A SHAM
BOOPY DOOPY DOOP
MUPPET BABIES, THEY'RE DOING THE BEST THEY CAN
PLEASE STOP HURTING THEM
WHEN YOU'VE SEEN BETWEEN THE SEAMS AND YOU KNOW REALITY IS PAPER THIN
JUST CLOSE YOUR EYES AND MAKE BELIEVE IF YOU'RE STILL CAPABLE OF IMAGININ'
I LIKE TO SIT, I LIE DOWN, I'VE GOT NO ENERGY, LIFE IS DEPRSSING
I'VE GOT MY COMPUTER, I SURF THROUGH THE WEB, TRYING TO MAKE CONNECTIONS, BUT IT NEVER FEELS REAL BUCK
ME I INVENT THINGS, BUT NOTHING CAN CURE THE HOLE IN THE HUMAN HEART
IS EVERYTHING ALRIGHT IN HERE?
RELATIVELY SPEAKING YES NANNY
(Scooter and Gonzo are talking.)
Scooter: Just can't seem to dream lately. Not since Kermit told us the truth about life.
Gonzo: It's hard, let me tell you. I've been watching 23 hours of television a day to take my mind off it. Hey, you ever watch Murder She Wrote?
Scooter: Of course, I love that show! Angela Lansbury is a national treasure.
Gonzo: You ever seen the episode where Jessica Fletcher dies?
Scooter: Come again?
Gonzo: The one where she's murdered!
Scooter: What? Are you kidding? That never happened! They wouldn't kill Jessica!
Gonzo: It happened, man, I saw it.
Scooter: Was it the series finale? I suppose they could have killed her there, but that would have been a pretty down ending for such a fun show. And didn't they make tv movies after that?
Gonzo: No, man, it was season five, episode twenty three. She got stabbed to death.
Scooter: Season five? But there were twelve seasons, everyone knows that! How could Jessica have been murdered in season five?
Gonzo: I don't know, but it happened! Let me tell you how it went! Was about thrty minutes into the episode and Jessica had figured out who the killer was. Her and the cop were about to entrap them like they always do. I thought "gee, Gonzo, isn't it a bit early in the episode to catch the killer? Doesn't that usually happen right at the end? So Jessica confronts the guy, explains everything. He admits he did it...then he says "I ain't letting you take m down, you fucking old bitch!"
Scooter: Wait they swore? In Murder She Wrote?
Gonzo: Yeah, man! Crazy! I wasn't expecting it. And what I really wasn't expecting was the killer plunging a hidden knife right into Jessica's neck! And the bood squirting out, Jessica frantically trying to hold it in.
Scooter: So graphic!
Gonzo: It really chilled me to my core, friendo. Then the cop ran in, screaming at the guy, and the guy just fucking stabbed the cop too, right in the heart! Then he took the cop's gun and he looked at Jessica, dying on the floor and he said "I'm not going to prison. I want you to know I won. I won, Fletcher. AND YOU LOST, CUNT!" Then he shot himself right in the head. And you see his brain matter splat on the floor right next to Jessica. Then it all faded to black.
Scooter: Maybe they took her to hospital and she got better.
Gonzo: After the commerical break it went straight to her funeral. It was beautiful, man. All the recurring characters were there, Seth, her nepthew Grady, the old ladies from the hairdressers. They even got Tom Bosley back for a one off guest appearance. Everyone spoke about how amazing Jessica was. Then her coffin was lowered into the ground. They buried Jessica Fletcher. The episode ended right there.
Scooter: But...there was a seaon six!
Gonzo: I know, man! I remember when it started, and Jessica was just alive again like nothing happened. I thought maybe it was a dream at first. Then I thought maybe season six was a prequel, but they mentioned the year and it was 1988 like in real life. Man, they just carried on the show like she wasn't dead!
Scooter: I've seen every episode of MSW, how come I haven't seen this one or even heard about it?
Gonzo: I think they only showed it once, on its original airing.
Scooter: Then how did you see it?
Gonzo: I saw it when it was first on!
Scooter: In 1988? Thirty two years ago?
Gonzo: Yep.
Scooter: You're a baby!
Gonzo: Nah, I'm fifty. Like Baby Yoda.
Scooter: Grogu. And what! No you're not!
Gonzo: I am, I was born in 1970. I fought in the war!
Scooter: What war?
Gonzo: ...Vietnam?
Scooter: And who did we fight in Vietnam?
Gonzo: The Germans, I think! I don't now, I just pointed my gun at whatever they told me. This was 1971.
Scooter: You fought in the Vietnam war against the Germans when you were one year old?
Gonzo: I saw some shit, man. And yet none of it prepared me for that episode of Murder She Wrote.
Scooter: I find all this hard to believe.
Gonzo: No one ever believes me. I'm like that famous person no one believes.
Scooter: I don't know what you mean. Leave me alone now.
Gonzo: Waka waka!
Scooter: That's Fozzy's thing.
Gonzo: Yeah. I don't have a thing, do I.
Scooter: You have...Martians?
Gonzo: You really think I believe in that crap? You really think I believe anyting I say? I'm so empty, Scooter. I feel it, like a phsyical thing, inside of me, threatening to eat me from the inside. I try to fill that emptiness with lies, with crazy stories, with claims that I believe in Martians. It's not real. It only helps for as long as I can fool myself. I can feel it coming back now, the void. It's going to take me this time, Scooter.
Scooter: I'm sorry...
Gonzo: Like that crazy man took Jessica Fletcher's life! You should have heard her moaning in agony! It was so funny!
Scooter: Sigh.
(Scooter walks away, leaving Gonzo with no one. With nothing.)
BOOPY DOOPY DOOP
MUPPET BABIES, THEY'RE DOING THE BEST THEY CAN
PLEASE STOP HURTING THEM
WHEN YOU'VE SEEN BETWEEN THE SEAMS AND YOU KNOW REALITY IS PAPER THIN
JUST CLOSE YOUR EYES AND MAKE BELIEVE IF YOU'RE STILL CAPABLE OF IMAGININ'
I LIKE TO SIT, I LIE DOWN, I'VE GOT NO ENERGY, LIFE IS DEPRSSING
I'VE GOT MY COMPUTER, I SURF THROUGH THE WEB, TRYING TO MAKE CONNECTIONS, BUT IT NEVER FEELS REAL BUCK
ME I INVENT THINGS, BUT NOTHING CAN CURE THE HOLE IN THE HUMAN HEART
IS EVERYTHING ALRIGHT IN HERE?
RELATIVELY SPEAKING YES NANNY
(Scooter and Gonzo are talking.)
Scooter: Just can't seem to dream lately. Not since Kermit told us the truth about life.
Gonzo: It's hard, let me tell you. I've been watching 23 hours of television a day to take my mind off it. Hey, you ever watch Murder She Wrote?
Scooter: Of course, I love that show! Angela Lansbury is a national treasure.
Gonzo: You ever seen the episode where Jessica Fletcher dies?
Scooter: Come again?
Gonzo: The one where she's murdered!
Scooter: What? Are you kidding? That never happened! They wouldn't kill Jessica!
Gonzo: It happened, man, I saw it.
Scooter: Was it the series finale? I suppose they could have killed her there, but that would have been a pretty down ending for such a fun show. And didn't they make tv movies after that?
Gonzo: No, man, it was season five, episode twenty three. She got stabbed to death.
Scooter: Season five? But there were twelve seasons, everyone knows that! How could Jessica have been murdered in season five?
Gonzo: I don't know, but it happened! Let me tell you how it went! Was about thrty minutes into the episode and Jessica had figured out who the killer was. Her and the cop were about to entrap them like they always do. I thought "gee, Gonzo, isn't it a bit early in the episode to catch the killer? Doesn't that usually happen right at the end? So Jessica confronts the guy, explains everything. He admits he did it...then he says "I ain't letting you take m down, you fucking old bitch!"
Scooter: Wait they swore? In Murder She Wrote?
Gonzo: Yeah, man! Crazy! I wasn't expecting it. And what I really wasn't expecting was the killer plunging a hidden knife right into Jessica's neck! And the bood squirting out, Jessica frantically trying to hold it in.
Scooter: So graphic!
Gonzo: It really chilled me to my core, friendo. Then the cop ran in, screaming at the guy, and the guy just fucking stabbed the cop too, right in the heart! Then he took the cop's gun and he looked at Jessica, dying on the floor and he said "I'm not going to prison. I want you to know I won. I won, Fletcher. AND YOU LOST, CUNT!" Then he shot himself right in the head. And you see his brain matter splat on the floor right next to Jessica. Then it all faded to black.
Scooter: Maybe they took her to hospital and she got better.
Gonzo: After the commerical break it went straight to her funeral. It was beautiful, man. All the recurring characters were there, Seth, her nepthew Grady, the old ladies from the hairdressers. They even got Tom Bosley back for a one off guest appearance. Everyone spoke about how amazing Jessica was. Then her coffin was lowered into the ground. They buried Jessica Fletcher. The episode ended right there.
Scooter: But...there was a seaon six!
Gonzo: I know, man! I remember when it started, and Jessica was just alive again like nothing happened. I thought maybe it was a dream at first. Then I thought maybe season six was a prequel, but they mentioned the year and it was 1988 like in real life. Man, they just carried on the show like she wasn't dead!
Scooter: I've seen every episode of MSW, how come I haven't seen this one or even heard about it?
Gonzo: I think they only showed it once, on its original airing.
Scooter: Then how did you see it?
Gonzo: I saw it when it was first on!
Scooter: In 1988? Thirty two years ago?
Gonzo: Yep.
Scooter: You're a baby!
Gonzo: Nah, I'm fifty. Like Baby Yoda.
Scooter: Grogu. And what! No you're not!
Gonzo: I am, I was born in 1970. I fought in the war!
Scooter: What war?
Gonzo: ...Vietnam?
Scooter: And who did we fight in Vietnam?
Gonzo: The Germans, I think! I don't now, I just pointed my gun at whatever they told me. This was 1971.
Scooter: You fought in the Vietnam war against the Germans when you were one year old?
Gonzo: I saw some shit, man. And yet none of it prepared me for that episode of Murder She Wrote.
Scooter: I find all this hard to believe.
Gonzo: No one ever believes me. I'm like that famous person no one believes.
Scooter: I don't know what you mean. Leave me alone now.
Gonzo: Waka waka!
Scooter: That's Fozzy's thing.
Gonzo: Yeah. I don't have a thing, do I.
Scooter: You have...Martians?
Gonzo: You really think I believe in that crap? You really think I believe anyting I say? I'm so empty, Scooter. I feel it, like a phsyical thing, inside of me, threatening to eat me from the inside. I try to fill that emptiness with lies, with crazy stories, with claims that I believe in Martians. It's not real. It only helps for as long as I can fool myself. I can feel it coming back now, the void. It's going to take me this time, Scooter.
Scooter: I'm sorry...
Gonzo: Like that crazy man took Jessica Fletcher's life! You should have heard her moaning in agony! It was so funny!
Scooter: Sigh.
(Scooter walks away, leaving Gonzo with no one. With nothing.)