CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
MUPPET BABIES, THEY WERE RECENTLY TRANSFORMED INTO ZOMBIES
ZOMBIE DOOBIE BAP
MUPPET BABIES, YOU REALLY SHOULD HAVE READ THE PREVIOUS EPISODES
WHEN YOU'RE SUDDENLY HUMAN AGAIN, AFTER CONSUMING FLESH
JUST CLOSE YOUR EYES AND MAKE BELIVE, BUT YOUR SOUL WILL NEVER BE FRESH
I KILLED SO MANY, TORE THEM APART, I ATE THEIR BRAINS, ANIMAL KILL
NANNY LEFT RADIATION, IN OUR PLAYROOM, SHE CURED US EVENTUALLY, BUT THE SCARS WILL NEVER HEAL
WE WERE ZOMBIES, AND THE SECRET IS IT FELT GOOD
IS EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT IN HERE?
NEVER, NANNY
(Kermit and Piggy wake up from their nap while the others are still asleep.)
Kermit: ...well here we are.
Piggy: There's nothing to say, Kermit. Not after what we did.
Kermit: Well gosh, Piggy, we weren't in control. Our DNA was completely transformed, Honeydew said. All those folks we killed and ate...it wasn't our fault.
Piggy: But I remember it all, Kermit. Every bite.
Kermit: I know, Piggy...I know.
Piggy: What are we going to do. Can Honeydew create an invention that can scrub our brains clean?
Kermit: I don't think even he is capable of such miracles.
Piggy: Then why go on. Why not just...
Kermit(angry): Don't say that, Piggy. Don't you EVER say that.
(Gonzo wakes up.)
Gonzo: Oh hey, guys. Merry Christmas!
Kermit: What...wait. No.
Piggy: He's right, Kermie. It's Christmas fucking day.
Gonzo: Yeah! I can't wait to see what Santa brought me. I wonder if he got anything for the Martians? Do they even have Christmas on Mars?
Kermit: The fuck are you acting like this is a normal Christmas?
Gonzo: Sorry?
Kermit: You were a zombie just like us! You killed and maimed! You can't just celebrate Christmas!
Piggy: You just said it wasn't our fault, Kermie, give him a break.
Kermit: And you got on me for that! You should be mad at him!
Gonzo: Listen, that whole zombie thing, that was a crazy wacky adventure, but it's over now! Onto the CHRISTMAS adventure!
(Animal wakes up.)
Animal: Animal...Christ?
Gonzo: Yes! You can play Jesus in our retelling of the Christmas story.
Animal: Mwuwahwuhwahwuhwah!
Fozzy(also awake, they all are okay): You now, Jesus was in many ways the original zombie! Coming back from the dead and his disciples ate his flesh. Waka wak!
Kermit: So we're just turning this whole thing into a joke.
Piggy: Maybe this is how we scrub our minds of the terrible things we did.
Honeydew: Yeah I tried to make a machine for it but it just turned Beaker into a simpleton.
Beaker: Meep meep meep meep meeeeeeeeeep!
(Everyone laughs. Nanny walks in.)
Nanny: Is everything alright in here?
Mupppet Babies: Merry Christmas, Nanny!
(She leaves some presents and walks out again.)
Skeeter: Wait...why did our parents leave us with Nanny on Christmas day?
Scoote: That is strange...
Skeeter: Shut up, cuck.
Rowlf: I'm sure it's so we can have a zany adventure with Santa before they come to pick us up! Let's open our presents.
(They all start opening their presents and recoil in disgust.)
Kermit: Dead bodies? Why would Nanny give us dead bodis?
Piggy: What the fuck! I...this body. It...it's a pig. Like me. In fact...Kermit...it's my face...
(Kermit: checks his own present. It's his own body.)
Kermit: Oh God. Oh fuck. What...how is this possible? This is my body. Dead! And look how gross it is!
(Honeydew runs a scan with his tricorder.)
Honeydew: I don't know what to say...these are our bodies. And they're all infected with the zombie virus...
Beaker: Meep?
Honeydew: It's the only explanation. We...we're not the original muppet babies, guys. We're clones. We died, as zombies. And Nanny cloned us.
Gonzo: So is it really Christmas day?
Honeydew: Unlikely. Maybe Nanny just made us think it is, so we'd be comfortable...before she revealed the sick truth.
Fozzy: Why would Nanny do this!?
(Nanny comes back in.)
Nanny: You children took something from me. You ate the man I loved. Maybe you don't remember, you were fucking zombies, but you did it. I killed you all with that special gas. But then I cloned you all to bring you back.
Kermit: But why?
Piggy: Revenge. She wants to hurt us.
Nanny: Welcome to Hell, Muppet scum!
(Nanny starts kicking the shit out of Scooter.)
Kermit: Maybe this is what we deserve. Maybe pain is the true meaning of Christmas...
(Suddenly Kermit wakes up.)
Kermit: Phew! It was all a dream!
(He goes over to the window. It's snowing.)
Kermit: A white Christmas! Hang on...that's not snow. It's...ash?
(Nanny runs in.)
Nanny: There's been a nuclear holocasut, kids! Merry Christmas!
THE END
ZOMBIE DOOBIE BAP
MUPPET BABIES, YOU REALLY SHOULD HAVE READ THE PREVIOUS EPISODES
WHEN YOU'RE SUDDENLY HUMAN AGAIN, AFTER CONSUMING FLESH
JUST CLOSE YOUR EYES AND MAKE BELIVE, BUT YOUR SOUL WILL NEVER BE FRESH
I KILLED SO MANY, TORE THEM APART, I ATE THEIR BRAINS, ANIMAL KILL
NANNY LEFT RADIATION, IN OUR PLAYROOM, SHE CURED US EVENTUALLY, BUT THE SCARS WILL NEVER HEAL
WE WERE ZOMBIES, AND THE SECRET IS IT FELT GOOD
IS EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT IN HERE?
NEVER, NANNY
(Kermit and Piggy wake up from their nap while the others are still asleep.)
Kermit: ...well here we are.
Piggy: There's nothing to say, Kermit. Not after what we did.
Kermit: Well gosh, Piggy, we weren't in control. Our DNA was completely transformed, Honeydew said. All those folks we killed and ate...it wasn't our fault.
Piggy: But I remember it all, Kermit. Every bite.
Kermit: I know, Piggy...I know.
Piggy: What are we going to do. Can Honeydew create an invention that can scrub our brains clean?
Kermit: I don't think even he is capable of such miracles.
Piggy: Then why go on. Why not just...
Kermit(angry): Don't say that, Piggy. Don't you EVER say that.
(Gonzo wakes up.)
Gonzo: Oh hey, guys. Merry Christmas!
Kermit: What...wait. No.
Piggy: He's right, Kermie. It's Christmas fucking day.
Gonzo: Yeah! I can't wait to see what Santa brought me. I wonder if he got anything for the Martians? Do they even have Christmas on Mars?
Kermit: The fuck are you acting like this is a normal Christmas?
Gonzo: Sorry?
Kermit: You were a zombie just like us! You killed and maimed! You can't just celebrate Christmas!
Piggy: You just said it wasn't our fault, Kermie, give him a break.
Kermit: And you got on me for that! You should be mad at him!
Gonzo: Listen, that whole zombie thing, that was a crazy wacky adventure, but it's over now! Onto the CHRISTMAS adventure!
(Animal wakes up.)
Animal: Animal...Christ?
Gonzo: Yes! You can play Jesus in our retelling of the Christmas story.
Animal: Mwuwahwuhwahwuhwah!
Fozzy(also awake, they all are okay): You now, Jesus was in many ways the original zombie! Coming back from the dead and his disciples ate his flesh. Waka wak!
Kermit: So we're just turning this whole thing into a joke.
Piggy: Maybe this is how we scrub our minds of the terrible things we did.
Honeydew: Yeah I tried to make a machine for it but it just turned Beaker into a simpleton.
Beaker: Meep meep meep meep meeeeeeeeeep!
(Everyone laughs. Nanny walks in.)
Nanny: Is everything alright in here?
Mupppet Babies: Merry Christmas, Nanny!
(She leaves some presents and walks out again.)
Skeeter: Wait...why did our parents leave us with Nanny on Christmas day?
Scoote: That is strange...
Skeeter: Shut up, cuck.
Rowlf: I'm sure it's so we can have a zany adventure with Santa before they come to pick us up! Let's open our presents.
(They all start opening their presents and recoil in disgust.)
Kermit: Dead bodies? Why would Nanny give us dead bodis?
Piggy: What the fuck! I...this body. It...it's a pig. Like me. In fact...Kermit...it's my face...
(Kermit: checks his own present. It's his own body.)
Kermit: Oh God. Oh fuck. What...how is this possible? This is my body. Dead! And look how gross it is!
(Honeydew runs a scan with his tricorder.)
Honeydew: I don't know what to say...these are our bodies. And they're all infected with the zombie virus...
Beaker: Meep?
Honeydew: It's the only explanation. We...we're not the original muppet babies, guys. We're clones. We died, as zombies. And Nanny cloned us.
Gonzo: So is it really Christmas day?
Honeydew: Unlikely. Maybe Nanny just made us think it is, so we'd be comfortable...before she revealed the sick truth.
Fozzy: Why would Nanny do this!?
(Nanny comes back in.)
Nanny: You children took something from me. You ate the man I loved. Maybe you don't remember, you were fucking zombies, but you did it. I killed you all with that special gas. But then I cloned you all to bring you back.
Kermit: But why?
Piggy: Revenge. She wants to hurt us.
Nanny: Welcome to Hell, Muppet scum!
(Nanny starts kicking the shit out of Scooter.)
Kermit: Maybe this is what we deserve. Maybe pain is the true meaning of Christmas...
(Suddenly Kermit wakes up.)
Kermit: Phew! It was all a dream!
(He goes over to the window. It's snowing.)
Kermit: A white Christmas! Hang on...that's not snow. It's...ash?
(Nanny runs in.)
Nanny: There's been a nuclear holocasut, kids! Merry Christmas!
THE END
