CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
Charles Horse felt trapped like never before. He didn't just feel trapped, he felt like he was ending. He'd been able to hang on this long, which in some ways was a miracle. But change, any significant change, would end him. No more Charles Horse. He felt the sick rising up his throat.
"Why don't you just kill yourself!" he said out loud. "You wouldn't have to worry then."
He posted on his message board instead.
"i am ending it is over i was never really here no i was but i'm not here now so i can't remember what it was like to be here you can't feel the feeling of being here if you are not here because it is not there you can only feel it while you're here and i am not here have i made that clear there is very little time remaining i just have to say that at one time the consciousness that inhabitated this body felt good because he was here i was definitely here i remember the facts i dully remember the facts of being here i just do not feel the feelings of being here because i am not here but i remember i remember and i say thank you for at one time helping me feel here helping me forget what i am helping me relax thank you but i will not be here again i am already no longer here this is just the death rattle the dying breath whatever i don't know i am not here
so i just wanted you all to know that
now i just have to wait to end completely
i somewhat wish it would come quicker
i could read the internet for a while i guess
that can feel nice
reading the internet
don't need to worry
if you're reading the internet
i could post this and see if anyone replies
i'd read the internet while wiating for replies
but
expectation is not nice
i can't handle that
i can't handle very much anymore as there is very little of me anymore
you need to be a full person to do well at life
you need all the parts
maybe if you are reall excellent in some areas you can get by with missing others
like psychopaths do
but i am no pyschopath sadly
just a man who can't stop starting sentences with 'but'
never was able to find a way around that
because there is not enough of me to find the way
sorry
and you might say i should try more
because if i try things i might be able to do them and i might feel better
but i know
because i'm me
so i know better than you what is going to happen to me when i try things
i have decades of living inside my head on which to model the expectation of what will happen when i try something new
i know it will not go well
because i am me and i know my limitations better than you do
how could i not
because i am me
or i used to be
because now i'm not here
oh yeah
i was supposed to post this and read the internet
sorry
i'll just hit post now"
And he did so. He watched episodes of the original Transformers cartoon on youtube for three hours while trying not to feel sick. It comforted him for a time. But it ended, as all things do. And he returned to his message board to find no replies.
He felt sick again.
__________________________________________________________________
that charlese hsordsesd
it's ulcukyhe's a fuacdisatag
that charles horse
it's luck he's a fictionsf
fdav
thatdilkasg
chat shcvasl
that charels horse
its'
that charles horse
it's luck he's a fictional character and his thoughts and opinions in no way reflect my own
lucku disjgvv
g
f lkbf
g
flucky!
lucky!
"Why don't you just kill yourself!" he said out loud. "You wouldn't have to worry then."
He posted on his message board instead.
"i am ending it is over i was never really here no i was but i'm not here now so i can't remember what it was like to be here you can't feel the feeling of being here if you are not here because it is not there you can only feel it while you're here and i am not here have i made that clear there is very little time remaining i just have to say that at one time the consciousness that inhabitated this body felt good because he was here i was definitely here i remember the facts i dully remember the facts of being here i just do not feel the feelings of being here because i am not here but i remember i remember and i say thank you for at one time helping me feel here helping me forget what i am helping me relax thank you but i will not be here again i am already no longer here this is just the death rattle the dying breath whatever i don't know i am not here
so i just wanted you all to know that
now i just have to wait to end completely
i somewhat wish it would come quicker
i could read the internet for a while i guess
that can feel nice
reading the internet
don't need to worry
if you're reading the internet
i could post this and see if anyone replies
i'd read the internet while wiating for replies
but
expectation is not nice
i can't handle that
i can't handle very much anymore as there is very little of me anymore
you need to be a full person to do well at life
you need all the parts
maybe if you are reall excellent in some areas you can get by with missing others
like psychopaths do
but i am no pyschopath sadly
just a man who can't stop starting sentences with 'but'
never was able to find a way around that
because there is not enough of me to find the way
sorry
and you might say i should try more
because if i try things i might be able to do them and i might feel better
but i know
because i'm me
so i know better than you what is going to happen to me when i try things
i have decades of living inside my head on which to model the expectation of what will happen when i try something new
i know it will not go well
because i am me and i know my limitations better than you do
how could i not
because i am me
or i used to be
because now i'm not here
oh yeah
i was supposed to post this and read the internet
sorry
i'll just hit post now"
And he did so. He watched episodes of the original Transformers cartoon on youtube for three hours while trying not to feel sick. It comforted him for a time. But it ended, as all things do. And he returned to his message board to find no replies.
He felt sick again.
__________________________________________________________________
that charlese hsordsesd
it's ulcukyhe's a fuacdisatag
that charles horse
it's luck he's a fictionsf
fdav
thatdilkasg
chat shcvasl
that charels horse
its'
that charles horse
it's luck he's a fictional character and his thoughts and opinions in no way reflect my own
lucku disjgvv
g
f lkbf
g
flucky!
lucky!