CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
"Sir, we have one."
"One what?"
"A vialable subject, sir."
"You can't be talking about the internet human reconstruction project..."
"Sir, I am!"
"You can't be talking about it because that project was closed down when it was determined that their are NO viable subjects."
"I never believed that, sir. I kept working on it."
"Oh you did, did you?"
"In my spare time, sir."
"And why would you do a thing like that?"
"It's an important project, sir, I always believed in it. To reconstruct a human from the early twenty first century using only their internet postings as a guide! So bold, so brave, so brilliant an idea!"
"It was a crap idea."
"You came up with it!"
"That's how I know it was crap. No viable subject will ever be found..."
"But I have found one, sir. I have found one and I am ready to make him live again. Think of the insight he could give us to life before the third world war, before the bombs dropped..."
"Yes, quite an insight...except you must be mistaken."
"Sir, I can assure you..."
"We went through millions of possible candidates and not one, NOT ONE would have worked. There is simply too much to the human mind. Even those who posted on the internet constantly for years did not put all of their personality online...there were always pieces missing."
"Not with this subject, sir."
"What's so special about him?"
"He had a very small brain, sir. He posted hundreds of thousands of times on an unpopular message board known as TrollKingdom. Sir, he put literally every thought there, every detail about himself. He lived there, he existed only there!"
"Impossible! There must be more you're missing! Remember the test subjects we tried to reconstruct? Each time we thought we had it, but they always ended up as stumbling half men and had to be destroyed!"
"This subject would not turn out as a stumbling half man due to our limitations, but rather by design. He LIVED as a stumbling half man!"
"Well, let me see the data...hmm...well...well this is...impressive..."
"Thank you, sir."
"I'm still not sure..."
"Sir, I'll reconstruct him in my own time, off the record. No one will know. It will not reflect on you."
"Damn right it won't! Unless it is a success, of course...say, what was his username on this TrollKingdom site."
"CaptainWacky, sir."
"An appropriate name?"
"If taken in the intended spirit, sir, with tongue placed firmly in cheek."
"Then that is where I shall place me tongue and most firmly at that. Proceed."
"Sir? You want me to do it now?"
"There's no time like the present."
"Yes, sir!"
"Than get on with it, boy! Let's bring back CaptainWacky."
"One what?"
"A vialable subject, sir."
"You can't be talking about the internet human reconstruction project..."
"Sir, I am!"
"You can't be talking about it because that project was closed down when it was determined that their are NO viable subjects."
"I never believed that, sir. I kept working on it."
"Oh you did, did you?"
"In my spare time, sir."
"And why would you do a thing like that?"
"It's an important project, sir, I always believed in it. To reconstruct a human from the early twenty first century using only their internet postings as a guide! So bold, so brave, so brilliant an idea!"
"It was a crap idea."
"You came up with it!"
"That's how I know it was crap. No viable subject will ever be found..."
"But I have found one, sir. I have found one and I am ready to make him live again. Think of the insight he could give us to life before the third world war, before the bombs dropped..."
"Yes, quite an insight...except you must be mistaken."
"Sir, I can assure you..."
"We went through millions of possible candidates and not one, NOT ONE would have worked. There is simply too much to the human mind. Even those who posted on the internet constantly for years did not put all of their personality online...there were always pieces missing."
"Not with this subject, sir."
"What's so special about him?"
"He had a very small brain, sir. He posted hundreds of thousands of times on an unpopular message board known as TrollKingdom. Sir, he put literally every thought there, every detail about himself. He lived there, he existed only there!"
"Impossible! There must be more you're missing! Remember the test subjects we tried to reconstruct? Each time we thought we had it, but they always ended up as stumbling half men and had to be destroyed!"
"This subject would not turn out as a stumbling half man due to our limitations, but rather by design. He LIVED as a stumbling half man!"
"Well, let me see the data...hmm...well...well this is...impressive..."
"Thank you, sir."
"I'm still not sure..."
"Sir, I'll reconstruct him in my own time, off the record. No one will know. It will not reflect on you."
"Damn right it won't! Unless it is a success, of course...say, what was his username on this TrollKingdom site."
"CaptainWacky, sir."
"An appropriate name?"
"If taken in the intended spirit, sir, with tongue placed firmly in cheek."
"Then that is where I shall place me tongue and most firmly at that. Proceed."
"Sir? You want me to do it now?"
"There's no time like the present."
"Yes, sir!"
"Than get on with it, boy! Let's bring back CaptainWacky."
