CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
"Bilbo Baggins," said Tom. "The bravest little Hobbit in all the land. Ha!"
"Tom, what's happened here?" asked Bilbo, looking at Goldberry's body, still chained up, blood on the floor, the bullet hole between her dead eyes. "Goldberry! Oh Goldberry..."
"No more dancing for Farmer Maggot and his stinking family," sneered Tom. "Stuppa dead biatch." He kicked her body.
"TOM!" said Bilbo, stepping forward. "She was your wife! The riverman's daughter! The most beautiful pure spirit I have ever encountered!"
"Bag of meat now," said Tom. He kicked her again. Bilbo sprang forward.
"I might be old, but I still know how to fight!" he said, clenching his wrinkled fists.
"Yeah but I've got a gun," said Tom, pulling out a gun. "Take another step forward and BLAM."
"What happened to you, Tom?" asked Bilbo. "Did you...did you do this?"
"I had my reasons," said Tom. "The enemy had taken her."
"But surely there must have been another way!"
"WHAT DO YOU KNOW? You ask what happened to me? War! That's what happened! I saw some stuff, man. Some stuff that fucked me up."
"I've seen things too, Tom. Trolls, turned to stone right before my eyes! Gandalf flash-frying Goblins and Wargs right in front of me. Giant spiders! Beorn ripping people up with his claws, and not just goblins! He was killing his own men he was in such a frenzy, I didn't put that in my book!"
"OH BOO FUCKING HOO. There and back again, a hobbit's tale by Bilbo Pussy Baggins! I call it a picnic compared to what I saw. Your nephew died, you know."
"He died a hero, so did Sam."
"Ha! ###### thought he could destroy the meme ring, but really he just spread it out, all over Cyber Middle Earth! So many more died becuase your nephew fucked up."
"It was Gandalf who sent him..."
"Gandalf's dead too, nood. I shot him myself."
"YOU DID WHAT."
"He lost the mission, brah. Aragorn too. They had to die! CAUSALITES OF WAR. Just like Goldberry. Oh Goldberry...what have I done..."
"Come with me, Tom. Come across the see to the netless lands. We can log off together, away from this Hell."
"NEVER. This is my world, my world! I fought for it! Now I will rule it, AS EMPEROR."
"You're crazy! You crazy damn fool!"
"I have an army of trolls, Bilbo, you noodle-taster! I can't be stopped!"
"Stop yourself! You know this is wrong! You're becoming the next Wackaroun."
"Maybe...maybe he had the right idea."
"NO!"
"Yes, Bilbo. Hahaha, yes. Oh God yes. After all I've seen, all the people I've killed...am I really any different from him? He only wanted to be friends, in the beginning, do you know that? But then he tried to impose his will on the rest of cyberspace...and I can't blame him, because people, elves, dwarves, hobbits...they're all retards! FUCKING RETARDS. FOOLS OF TOOKS. Even Goldberry! Ignorant whore!"
"Don't see that about her, she was worth ten of you!" Bilbo took a step forward in his anger. Tom shot him in the leg.
"You foolish old man. I could kill you now and think nothing of it. I took the life of my wife. You were right, there could have been another way. I had to kill her becasue she was part of the old meme. Fuck limes! She was living it. I had to get rid of the competition. Hahahaha. I'm in charge now. I wonder what my meme will be? A-rillo-dill-Bombadillo? Hahaha!"
"You're insane!"
"Now I just need to let the trolls rape her and..."
"No, oh God Tom, what are you saying."
"SHE ISN'T IN THERE. SHe's dead. It's a body. Nothing more. Her essence is gone. That is nothing. I'd ever let you rape it. Do you want to?"
"I'm ending this!" said Bilbo. "HROOM HROOM!" he shouted.
"What the hell was that..." asked Tom. Then, suddenly, with no warning, the roof of his house was ripped off.
Standing holding it above them was Treebeard and an army of Ents.
"Tom, what's happened here?" asked Bilbo, looking at Goldberry's body, still chained up, blood on the floor, the bullet hole between her dead eyes. "Goldberry! Oh Goldberry..."
"No more dancing for Farmer Maggot and his stinking family," sneered Tom. "Stuppa dead biatch." He kicked her body.
"TOM!" said Bilbo, stepping forward. "She was your wife! The riverman's daughter! The most beautiful pure spirit I have ever encountered!"
"Bag of meat now," said Tom. He kicked her again. Bilbo sprang forward.
"I might be old, but I still know how to fight!" he said, clenching his wrinkled fists.
"Yeah but I've got a gun," said Tom, pulling out a gun. "Take another step forward and BLAM."
"What happened to you, Tom?" asked Bilbo. "Did you...did you do this?"
"I had my reasons," said Tom. "The enemy had taken her."
"But surely there must have been another way!"
"WHAT DO YOU KNOW? You ask what happened to me? War! That's what happened! I saw some stuff, man. Some stuff that fucked me up."
"I've seen things too, Tom. Trolls, turned to stone right before my eyes! Gandalf flash-frying Goblins and Wargs right in front of me. Giant spiders! Beorn ripping people up with his claws, and not just goblins! He was killing his own men he was in such a frenzy, I didn't put that in my book!"
"OH BOO FUCKING HOO. There and back again, a hobbit's tale by Bilbo Pussy Baggins! I call it a picnic compared to what I saw. Your nephew died, you know."
"He died a hero, so did Sam."
"Ha! ###### thought he could destroy the meme ring, but really he just spread it out, all over Cyber Middle Earth! So many more died becuase your nephew fucked up."
"It was Gandalf who sent him..."
"Gandalf's dead too, nood. I shot him myself."
"YOU DID WHAT."
"He lost the mission, brah. Aragorn too. They had to die! CAUSALITES OF WAR. Just like Goldberry. Oh Goldberry...what have I done..."
"Come with me, Tom. Come across the see to the netless lands. We can log off together, away from this Hell."
"NEVER. This is my world, my world! I fought for it! Now I will rule it, AS EMPEROR."
"You're crazy! You crazy damn fool!"
"I have an army of trolls, Bilbo, you noodle-taster! I can't be stopped!"
"Stop yourself! You know this is wrong! You're becoming the next Wackaroun."
"Maybe...maybe he had the right idea."
"NO!"
"Yes, Bilbo. Hahaha, yes. Oh God yes. After all I've seen, all the people I've killed...am I really any different from him? He only wanted to be friends, in the beginning, do you know that? But then he tried to impose his will on the rest of cyberspace...and I can't blame him, because people, elves, dwarves, hobbits...they're all retards! FUCKING RETARDS. FOOLS OF TOOKS. Even Goldberry! Ignorant whore!"
"Don't see that about her, she was worth ten of you!" Bilbo took a step forward in his anger. Tom shot him in the leg.
"You foolish old man. I could kill you now and think nothing of it. I took the life of my wife. You were right, there could have been another way. I had to kill her becasue she was part of the old meme. Fuck limes! She was living it. I had to get rid of the competition. Hahahaha. I'm in charge now. I wonder what my meme will be? A-rillo-dill-Bombadillo? Hahaha!"
"You're insane!"
"Now I just need to let the trolls rape her and..."
"No, oh God Tom, what are you saying."
"SHE ISN'T IN THERE. SHe's dead. It's a body. Nothing more. Her essence is gone. That is nothing. I'd ever let you rape it. Do you want to?"
"I'm ending this!" said Bilbo. "HROOM HROOM!" he shouted.
"What the hell was that..." asked Tom. Then, suddenly, with no warning, the roof of his house was ripped off.
Standing holding it above them was Treebeard and an army of Ents.