Tina Fey - Funnies Woman Alive

[Hambil]

Despite explosive violence in the West Bank this week, negotiators remain hopeful that a U.S.-sponsored summit could end the conflict. Israeli and Palestinian officials say they are eager to sign an agreement so they can dip it in gasoline, light it on fire and throw it at each other.

 

[Hambil]

Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman say their split is amicable, and they want everyone to know that after the divorce is final, their two adopted children will be returned to the prop department at Universal Studios.

 

[Hambil]

New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani is once again expressing outrage at an art exhibit, this time at a painting in which Jesus is depicted as a naked woman. Said the mayor, "This trash is not the sort of thing that I want to look at when I go to the museum with my mistress."

 

[Hambil]

In order to feel safer on his private jet, actor John Travolta has purchased a bomb-sniffing dog. Unfortunately for the actor, the dog came six movies too late.

 

[Hambil]

According to a new study, women in satisfying marriages are less likely to develop cardiovascular diseases than unmarried women. So don't worry, lonely women, you'll be dead soon.

 

[Hambil]

A man who had a heart attack while he was alone in his house was saved when his dog brought him the phone so he could call for help. However, it should be noted that for every one of these heartwarming stories, there's a million others where the dog just sits there like a moron and watches you die.

 

[Hambil]

It was reported that Guy Ritchie has cast his wife Madonna in a small walk-on role in his new movie, 'Revolver.' Madonna will play the part of the woman who ruins the film.

 

[Sadistic Bastard]

Best. Post. In the last month!

 

[Big Dick McGee]

Yeah, she will be missed on Weekend Update. It was the only part of the show worth watching!