Ussual Conversations with Christians.

speck

speck

New member
"Do you believe in God?"
I talk to him on occasion.
"Then you Know about Jesus!"
No, where did he come into the picture? I thought you were talking about God?
"You can only know God through Jesus!"
No, that's knowing Jesus, I want to cut out the middle man.
"Then you're not saved and going to Hell!"
What? That's awefully selfish!


This is when I usually have to argue about the presence of Evil and all that. They usually give up.

They seem to believe Jesus is a literal person and Heaven and Hell are physical places.
 
Reminds me of a classic Dilbert strip (published only in one of Scott Adams book collections):

Woman: Do you want to embrace God and know peace and love?
Dilbert: What happens if I say no?
Woman: Everlasting hell, of course!
 
I walked around one night telling people that my personal Quest for life's Meaning was useless as I had found the Complete Answer in a pamphlet I was given.
 
Or how about this one:

"Do you believe in God?"
Nope. Do you believe in Captain Kirk?
"Well -- but -- "
'Cause I've seen film footage of Captain Kirk. You ever seen film footage of God?
"You're going to burn in hell for that!"
Well, who made hell?
"God did, of course!"
But I thought you said He loved us! Why would he do that if He loves us? And anyway, I don't believe in God -- obviously somebody who doesn't exist can't go around building stuff. Where IS hell, anyway? Ever seen a picture of it?
"Well, the Bible says, right here in blablablablabla 26 dash eleventy-two paragraph B subsection 31a, that -- "
Hey, that's great! I saw a book like that once, it was by a guy named Gary Larson, and it showed cows driving tractors! Plain as day!
"You're a fool!"
Wishin' ain't gonna make it so, Pops.
 
"You don't really believe in David vs Goliath, do you? That was just a story they made up to sell Bibles." - Roseanne to Mark, on him standing up to her, on the Roseanne Show.
 
On the presents of Evil: they're always too small. They always come from the clearance rack, and the motherfucker regifts like crazy. I usually return the presents of Evil for store credit.

Why?

Because it's evil, dumbass. Yeesh.
 
Ooo! I need to make some giftcards of Evil.
Redeemable at thr GiftShop of Evil.



New Forum name!!


The GiftShop of Evil!
 
My main issue, and I do consider myself Christian, is the idea that Jesus has a personal interest in each and every one of us.

Now that MUST be proof that God Exists...and is really, really bored. *I* personally don't think that 99% of the world population is worth talking to at any length.
 
speck said:
I notice Friday and Chatty aren't in here defending...
Click to expand...
What is there to defend? Even christians know that other christians can be annoying when trying to "save" the world.
My friend in HS used to make me feel so guilty for the things I did-talk about love! I decided if I were to ever share my faith with someone-it would only be because they asked me-not because I think I know what is better for thier life.
 
Be interesting, happy, intelligent. Then people will ask YOU what you think about spirituality. That is much more likely to provide a chance to discuss things in a non-annoying manner.
I still get an "evil" thrill when I know that my church's assistant book-keeper is a bisexual submissive/masochist. ;) She’s a GOOD book-keeper, by the way. Balances accounts to the penny and wears her skirts below the knee when she’s working there (even if there’s nothing on under them...)
-SB
 
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