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Wacky, when I come to Scotland

Big Dick McGee

If you don't know, now ya know
Will you play golf with me at Carnoustie or St. Andrews? Are either of those places anywhere near where you live? I assume I'll need you to translate so I can understand my caddie!
 
^YOU? I can't imagine.

Anyhoo, don't worry Wacky, by the time BDM gets to Scotland to play golf he and I will be married and we'll fly there on our monkeys with wings.

Only kidding.
 
Your both marriage material. Just not to each other. ANd sheesh. think of the children. With their wee beady eyes and their horrible permed hair!
 
St Andrew's is actually near where my sister lives (about two hour's drive away...I think. Haven't been for a while. LOL!) Carnoustie? I MUST FIND AN ATLAS...
 
Carnoustie says "Famous Golf Town" on the highway signs. Really. You could look it up. I'M DYING TO KNOW HOW FAR CARNOUSTIE IS FROM YOUR HOME, IN EXACT KILOMETERS!

Just tell me your address and I'll come and murder you!


Um, wait, I mean, I'll "Mapquest" you. Not "murder". Just a typo.
 
I love American mentality with England. They assume it's about the size of New York or something.
"Oh you're from England. Do you know Frank Neylan?"

What? Who the fuck? Why the hell would I know him?
 
But it is the size of Rhode Island. Duh. I mean, The United states is like seven inches on my map, Scotland is like an inch and a half! Duh, learn cartography, why don't you!
 
I want to go to England.

I have a laundry list of things to do:

*Visit Stonehenge.
*Look up Alan Moore.
*Tea and crumpets with Rowan Atkinson.
*Sleepover at JK Rowling's.
*Pick a fight with somebody who has teeth worse than mine.
*Sunbathe nude with Wallace & Gromit.
*Take the Jack the Ripper tour. Buy the t-shirt.

GOD SAVE TEH QUEEN!

Then, I'm going to Scotland, and I will wear a kilt again - BECAUSE I LOOK GOOD IN A KILT AND IT'S THE MOST COMFORTBALE GARMENT EVAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
I'm going to Great Britain for the following:

*Have sex with Liz Hurley
*Play Golf
*Have sex with Lucy Pinder
*See Big Ben
*Play Golf
*Have sex with Keira Knightley
*See Buckingham Palace
*Have sex with J.K. Rowling
*Play Golf
*Have sex with Wacky's hot sister
*Play golf
 
Why is everyone all crazy about seeing stonehenge? I've been there about a dozen times its like, interesting for five minutes. Then you get back in your car and keep driving.
 
five minutes - WOW Menty you were more interested than me, I stayed in the car, drove past and went 'oh look kids Stonehenge surrounded by a zillion tourists and a high wire fence'......maybe if I was a druid I'd appreciate it more...at least then I could actually touch the stones!
 
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