Women of TK, Once again I need your assistance

[starguard]

Are these things true :huh:
Fags, and Trannys need not respond

When a woman says....

ARE YOU WILLING TO: This means you better do it.

FINE: This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of "those" arguments.

FIVE MINUTES: This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.

NOTHING: This means "something" and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and will end with the word "Fine".

GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows): This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine".

GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows): This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care". You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine", and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

LOUD SIGH: This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here arguing with you over "Nothing".

SOFT SIGH: Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. "Soft Sigh" means that she is content. Your best bet is not to move or breathe, and she will stay content.

THAT'S OKAY: This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead". At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

PLEASE DO: This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay".

THANKS: A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say "you're welcome".

THANKS A LOT: This is much different than "Thanks". A woman will say "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh". Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh" as she will only tell you "Nothing".

 

[Mirah]

Poor guys. Wouldn't life be easier if we just communicated with you directly?

 

[eloisel]

Here is the thing guys need to know about women:

1) Always take the blame for anything that goes wrong. We know you aren't really the one to blame for natural disasters, things - like the toaster oven - breaking down, etc. We just like someone who takes responsibility for whatever goes wrong.

2) Always apologise. We know it isn't your fault but we like that you take responsibility. Get the picture - take responsibility for it!

3) Always say we look beautiful to you - even if our hair looks like someone cut it with hedge clippers, we've got a zit breakout, or we've gained 20 pounds. We are quite excellent at beating ourselves up for not looking like porno magazine centerfolds. We like having someone who loves us anyway for our imperfections. It makes it easier for us to love you for yours and makes us want to look better just for you because you are so awesome.

4) Do not behave in such a fashion that will make us not trust you and make us jealous. Examples of that kind of behaviour is to let us catch you ogling the neighbor's wife or telling us how hot you think some other woman is; staying out with your "buddies" really late or all night after you've told us how hot you think some other woman is or we've caught you ogling the young sexy cashier at the 7-11 on the corner.

5) Fix things. We like guys who fix things and keep things in good repair. Grab a hammer and a screwdriver then walk around the house tightning up nails and screws. Get some paint and a brush and freshen up the window sills or something. We love that kind of thing.

In other words - take responsibility, apologise, don't make us jealous, take care of our living space. In return, we will cook for you, do your laundry, mend your clothes, clean up your messes, love you, and have sex with you when you are old and the young girls think you are gross.

 

[The Dork Lord]

Are these things true :huh:
Fags, and Trannys need not respond

When a woman says....

ARE YOU WILLING TO: This means you better do it.

FINE: This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of "those" arguments.

FIVE MINUTES: This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.

NOTHING: This means "something" and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and will end with the word "Fine".

GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows): This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine".

GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows): This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care". You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine", and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

LOUD SIGH: This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here arguing with you over "Nothing".

SOFT SIGH: Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. "Soft Sigh" means that she is content. Your best bet is not to move or breathe, and she will stay content.

THAT'S OKAY: This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead". At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

PLEASE DO: This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay".

THANKS: A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say "you're welcome".

THANKS A LOT: This is much different than "Thanks". A woman will say "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh". Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh" as she will only tell you "Nothing".

I remember someone emailing that to me, like five years ago...

 

[jack]

Wheezie is wise. I've decided to show her things from an Elder's Perspective:

Here is the thing guys need to know about women:

1) Always take the blame for anything that goes wrong. We know you aren't really the one to blame for natural disasters, things - like the toaster oven - breaking down, etc. We just like someone who takes responsibility for whatever goes wrong.

Never blame her for anything that has actually happened more like. This also ties into #5, where you take the initiative to fix whatever the fuck it was she stupidly broke. If you're REALLY sweet while demonstrating your gadget prowess, you might get your balls fondled and your ears nibbled.

Not to mention your skidmarks washed and folded and a hot meal on the table.

Little White Lies. They're what's for dinner.

2) Always apologise. We know it isn't your fault but we like that you take responsibility. Get the picture - take responsibility for it!

Always fool her into thinking you're clueless that it's really her fucking fault. Once they hear "I'm sorry", you can really say whatever the fuck you like, she got what she wanted, so isn't really even listening.

3) Always say we look beautiful to you - even if our hair looks like someone cut it with hedge clippers, we've got a zit breakout, or we've gained 20 pounds. We are quite excellent at beating ourselves up for not looking like porno magazine centerfolds. We like having someone who loves us anyway for our imperfections. It makes it easier for us to love you for yours and makes us want to look better just for you because you are so awesome.

There is no such thing as an ugly woman. Having a vagina forgives you automatically any other imperfection.

4) Do not behave in such a fashion that will make us not trust you and make us jealous. Examples of that kind of behaviour is to let us catch you ogling the neighbor's wife or telling us how hot you think some other woman is; staying out with your "buddies" really late or all night after you've told us how hot you think some other woman is or we've caught you ogling the young sexy cashier at the 7-11 on the corner.

I gotta call bullshit on this one. I'm a dog around women, I admit it. A complete pussy hound. Incorrigible, period. Faithful, monogamous and LOYAL the entire marriage though. There's NO other girl for me.

Besides, jealous make up sex so fucking hawt!!!

5) Fix things. We like guys who fix things and keep things in good repair. Grab a hammer and a screwdriver then walk around the house tightning up nails and screws. Get some paint and a brush and freshen up the window sills or something. We love that kind of thing.

I know this, yet it's still a mystery. Also, planting in the garden is a sure fire way to be spattering someones uvula with pecker snot later on.

In other words - take responsibility, apologise, don't make us jealous, take care of our living space. In return, we will cook for you, do your laundry, mend your clothes, clean up your messes, love you, and have sex with you when you are old and the young girls think you are gross.

This is why I love you so much, Wheezie.

 

[The Dork Lord]

I used to torture one of my ex's
by singing a little 3 line ditty
nonstop for hours

yes dear
you're right dear
I love you dear

 

[jack]

I would kill you

 

[The Dork Lord]

I'm surprised people don't try to kill me every day

and a little dissapointed

 

[Lilac]

Good starguard thread? Shockingly, yes!

 

[Gagh]

.