Cloverfield Review - Spoilers

[headvoid]

I sat up and watched Cloverfield the other night for two main reasons.
1. I was tired and wanted some popcorn film to vegetate in front of
2. I saw it was JJ Abrams directed so after Trek I thought I would give him a chance.

It was truly terrible.

The initial premise sounds excellent, a "blair witch" video capture unedited of a major New York monster attack. In effect it was more like an episode of Casualty with a monster.

The starting scenes are of a party with "Hut" being the cameraman capturing a guy at his leaving party before he goes to Japan for a big job. These scenes reminded me of a six form project.

The plot devices were about as subtle as a Texan Senator. "OOOH, LOOK attractive woman walks in and Japan guy looks sullen" and "I AM HIS BROTHER, YOU ARE HIS FRIEND RIGHT?" scripted lines just in case we didn't believe these people might like each other.

Main Characters:
"HUT" - possibly the lamest "I AM A NERD" script, I actually felt sorry for the actor. He is the main cameraman who constantly refers to his social awkwardness so we can explain why is carrying round a camera while his friends die.
Japan Guy - Makes the characters in "Sex in the City" look deep and meaningful. I HAVE TO GO AND SAVE BETH OK? is about all you need him to say at any given point.
Beth - Dumb Brunette who specialised in "Pondering, emotional" looks. Love interest to Japan Guy. Turns up with new boyfriend at party despite shagging Japan Guy recently.
Japan Guy Brother - dies early thank god.
Japan Guy Brother girlfriend - nearly forgot her, black, pretty earnest.
Emo Girl - Slightly interesting character, doesn't say a lot. Maybe because the script is so awful for the other characters she comes across as a developed character. potential love interest to "Hut"

Plot:
Running through New York trying TO SAVE BETH I JUST HAVE TO DO IT OK! from wierd alien amphibious monster. Everyone dies apart from Japan Guys Brothers girlfriend.

Worst moments (there are a few good moments, but frankly it will be more fun to rip it to shit)
1. JJ Abrams and his shaky camera. STOP IT YOU WANKER
2. Shamelessly nicking "Alien" stomach explosion. It is NOT a homage, it's stealing
3. The Military man telling them to "BE AT THE PICK UP AT 0600 OK?" very lame.
4. A skyscraper has (BETH IS IN THERE, I HAVE TO GO OK?) semi fallen and leaning against another. They climb up the stable skyscraper and jump across to the roof at an angle. Just stupid really.
5. Lifting (YOU CAME BACK FOR ME JAPAN GUY!) Beth off a 3 foot metal spike rammed through her lung, before she then clambers on to the roof, across to the top of the stable skyscraper and down 50 flights of stairs. Seems to make a remarkable recovery, but then she is BETH I LOVE YOU.
6. The death scene with Japan Guy and Beth. I can hardly begin to type about how lame this actually is. Just before there is a comical "HUTS GONE HE HAS GONE OMG" scene which frankly raised more of a relief emotion than any kind of heart string.

If you own the DVD you could use it in your vegetable garden on a piece of string to ward off birds.

 

[The Tomtrek]

I liked it.

 

[headvoid]

Give me a reason that doesn't involve I MUST GO AND SAVE BETH!

 

[whisky]

I didnt mind it, but the last scene where the monster bends down to eat the cameraman would be like a giraffed bending down to eat an ant.

 

[Fuddlemiff]

I actually really enjoyed it when I saw it in the cinema (there was a teaser trailer for Trek as well!), but I must admit it's not very well written. The brief glimpses of the monster and the focus on average schmoes rather than authority figures appealed to me. But aside from Emo Girl (later turned up in True Blood where she was topless in most scenes), the characters were annoying and two-dimensional, even by disaster movie standards. And there were too many times when the characters should've been dead, but somehow survived. The thing with Beth being impaled was dumb enough, but then she survived a helicopter crash! Oh and I thought it was a bit insensitive having shots that were reminiscent of 9/11. The Woolworth building collapsing, and those two towers at the end. Considering it was set in NY, it seemed ill-judged.

 

[Robert "Monkey" Loggia]

I liked it

 

[CaptainWacky]

I liked it...well, okay, Hut was the most annoying character in the history of the world. The main hero type guy was pretty annoying. Emo Girl was cool because she's hot but then she blew up. But I really don't get complaing about shaky camera considering the whole concpet of the movie is a guy filming a monster attack on a camcorder. I mean, it would be shaky under those circumstances. I enjoyed the action and the early glimpses of the monster and the parts where people exploded suddenly and stuff. The worst part was after the helicopter attack where the monster appeared literally out of nowhere just to eat annoying camera guy. That made no sense and we shouldn't have gotten such a long look at the monster because it spoiled the mystery. But yeah, it wasn't bad.

 

[whisky]

The concept is fine enough, because you can just use the same attack and say this was someone elses camera they found, a sideways sequal.

 

[Donovan]

Here watch this. It'll make you feel better...

[YOUTUBE]r9p3Tqm7LpU[/YOUTUBE]

 

[CaptainWacky]

Oh, and JJ Abrams didn't direct Cloverfield.

 

[headvoid]

Sorry, apologies - he produced it.

You are all wrong.

 

[The Tomtrek]

The main character was called "Hud", both because it's a play on Heads Up Display, and also because "Hut" isn't actually a real name.

 

[Gagh]

The first 30-35 minutes is almost completely pointless. We are introduced to a bunch of vacuous nobodies, who you almost inevitably spend the rest of the movie wishing to be annihilated.

The latter part of the movie then becomes a relatively formulaic special effects plod, with the exception that they don't want to show you the main beasty. It's entertaining for the pure reason that you want all the characters eliminated. I was rooting for the aliens all the way through.

It's premise was interesting, but its execution ordinary, which much of the initial stages almost entirely pointless.

 

[CaptainWacky]

There should have been more rapes.

 

[Gagh]

Especially with the giant alien. Giant alien rapes.

 

[Fuddlemiff]

STUPID NAME GUY (FREAKING OUT): What'd you say?!

EMO GIRL (SOBBING ON CURB): I said they're... they're RAPING people!!!


Well, we'll see if the sequel is better.

 

[Cassie]

I still haven't seen it, it doesn't really sound like something I'd like. Guess I'll watch it if I notice it's on HBO or Showtime OR SOMETHING.

 

[Fuddlemiff]

I wish I could karma Donovan's karma comment.