Damn you five-minute editing rule! Plot of new Dan Brown book REVEALED!!

[SilentBtViolent]

83. In Italian, "Mine Field" is an anagram for "Knights Templar." Dan Brown will use this as a plot point in a forthcoming book which will of course have awkward writing, stilted dialogue, and uneven pacing.

Spoiler

The book opens with famous archaeologist and art historian Eggs Buffalo getting murdered at the entrance to the Louvre. By the end of the story, we learn that Ishcabittle is a Templar plant trying to introduce a psychedelic strain of weed called "Shit Sandwich" into the European weed market. Captain Wakkeh, a German assassin bred specifically to induce autism-spectrum disorder, has memorized an entire lost Templar codex but does not have the skills to communicate his knowledge, which is capable of bringing about the return of Zombie Jesus. Only Shit Sandwich can enable Captain Wakkeh to leave his assassinatin' ways behind and turn him into a good guy. However the good Captain is always getting misled by this beautiful art historian named Casseh Mirahnda, who is totally a bad guy and everyone can see it coming but it's a BIG FUCKING SURPRISE! at the end of the book.

 

[CaptainWacky]

I'd like to hear from Dan Brown...

 

[I am Dan Brown]

I think you all know how exciting this book sounds.

If any of you doubt me I would like to quote Jonathon Ross' brother (I forget his name), anyway he was once at my ranch in Nevada and said.

"This book has so many twists and turns it is like a corkscrew attached to a flywheel."
and (my favorite)
"This beatles said they were better than Jesus - this book goes one better.. it IS Jesus, but sexier"

My lawyers are tracking down this poster and will probably get an albino child molester to kill him with some cheese wire in St Pauls Cathedral.

 

[Gagh]

Jonathan Ross has 27 brothers. The one you are thinking of is called Ross Ross.

 

[CaptainWacky]

He's a cyborg. From the future.