Zombie Hunter
Ye gods... Last night sucked.

IRL I finally pulled the trigger on buying a house to fix up as a rental. First step to financial independence/owning my own business/retiring. But the first deal fell through and the next deal dragged on forever. Meanwhile a college friend kept pestering me to help him out with project management on a big international accounting IT project that was fast approaching. He didn't know if he could get approved to hire someone and I didn't know if I'd get my house, so I accepted and figured worst case I'd get one or the other--or neither. I got both. The same week. And the house needed a lot more work than I hoped. But now I didn't have time to do it. And November is about the worst possible time to be trying to find a tenant. So actually the job wasn't terrible because it gave me some income and saved me from having to look for a renter during the Holiday season. More than halfway through the project--I could be done at the end of February, but worst case, end of March. But it is absolute torture. I sit in my bedroom in Kentucky and Skype with people in Wisconsin and North Carolina and Ireland about accounting processes that are like my dog trying to understand the level of accounting I understand. And try to make sure almost 400 steps happen in the right order and everyone understands what they're supposed to do--and when--while dealing with idiots and passive-agressive people (along with the genuinely smart and cooperative people).

Apologies for all the background, but it is absolutely relevant to last night's dream. Actually I should also probably mention the 3 months I spent on a farm in Wisconsin in the dead of winter, taking care of my Mom while she was dying of pancreatic cancer and my house in Oregon sat empty while friends cared for my new dog as best they could.

So yeah. Last night's dream. Didn't get to bed until nearly midnight--and needed to be up at 6:30. So I dreamt that I was working at some industrial park in another town for unexplained reasons. I'd found a reservist job that would get me home for at least a weekend but I was so busy that I didn't get around to completing the paperwork so I didn't have a job or a plane ticket. On top of that, I come "home" and find my friend [that hired me IRL--and is an accountant IRL--and was my accountant for an earlier business venture] in my...Mom's? house with the cardboard boxes of my receipts and files dumped all over the floor/table "helping" me with my taxes. I'm trying to explain to him that it is all irrelevant because I haven't had time to do the thing I started on because I've been stuck in another town on this clerical job I don't want, but he's determined to help me. On top of that, in the dream I wasn't getting enough sleep, so I'd come home from work looking forward to going to bed and finding I had to deal with him.

So yeah. It sucked. Woke up almost as tired as when I went to bed. And as I type this, I see I hoped to go to bed tonight over an hour ago. Which reminds me of a couple other points: The Big Day is Groundhog Day/Superbowl Sunday. So we work through the weekend. And it isn't like we get Monday and Tuesday off because we worked the weekend. So yeah. Not at all a surprising dream for me to have. Oh, and on top of that, between buying the house and getting it rented (which hasn't happened yet) the local government has advanced a "Fairer Housing Ordinance" that will force landlords to accept Section 8 tenants. I have no problem with people needing subsidized housing. But it's added paperwork for a novice property manager. And I'm told the local Section 8 office is a pain in the ass to work with.


Zombie Hunter
Wow. This morning was vivid and incoherent. Didn't sleep very well, so when I looked at the clock and saw that it was after 7, I thought "might as well set the snooze alarm and then get up." (For some reason I really need an alarm to go off to get up. Otherwise I feel like I was robbed of sleep or something.) Of course as soon as I set the 15 minute timer on my watch, I zonked out. It probably went off about 3 times--and I realized I was dreaming in between--before I shut it off.

I was living in this house. Don't know if it was my house or my parents' house. My parents were probably in the dream, because the point of the dream was that the house was very crowded. I was getting up and, while no one was in the bathroom, the bathroom was very, very cluttered. My friend whose company I'm working remotely for on a product was staying with us a couple days for...dream reasons...and it was hard to get to the sink because there was one of them potty trainer pottys right in front of it (even though my friend's kid is 10 these days--and there is no indication she was staying with us in the dream). I did have to finish up in the bathroom because other people needed it so I headed for the kitchen--which was also cluttered. While I was trying to make...whatever...there was some Hispanic dude with fresh produce piled everywhere, chopping it up. Stuff was falling of the counter and getting mixed up. I gave him this stuff that I thought was cilantro but he said it wasn't his. Then this girl was yelling to a cop, negotiating about some coffee she was selling. The price was wrong or the coffee wasn't as agreed on or something and she said she'd order (brew?) a different batch but the cop said there was no time because the bus the handicapped person he was helping was supposed to be on was already late and wanted to leave.

I forget what the transition was, but then I was out on the street with my dog. There were lots of other dogs around and she was interacting with them and then this huge wolf came up and started sniffing her. She seemed to know to just be cool and he eventually walked away--at which point I saw he was with a whole pack of other wolves. And most of them had deer laying in front of them. But it was all stylized, like they were impressionist bronze statues of wolves and deer. Only alive. And of course my dog wanted to stop and smell something and I'm like "let's just get out of here, very calmly and quietly."

That's about it. And if I noted the times correctly, all that happened in under 15-30 minutes.


Zombie Hunter
A bunch of different dreams last night. The only bit I remember is one where I was in...the ocean? It looked like the ocean but didn't taste salty. Can you taste and feel temperature in dreams? I don't think so Anyhow, I was on some kind of carved log board, being dragged behind some kind of boat/Polynesian canoe. And they kept trying to swing me out into big waves. At one point I was able to get on top of the board and grab a piece of driftwood to use as a paddle/rudder so I could maneuver. But eventually we hit this monster wave that broke up with me (and the tow boat?) on top of it.

I guess a big ship like the Titanic, when it sinks, people don't get "pulled down" by suction, what happens is all the air from inside the cabins comes bubbling up, making the water above the ship less buoyant and you literally "fall" down after the ship. Even though there wasn't a ship in my dream, that's what the wave did. So I knew I had to grab a big breath of air at the last second, so I could hang in there until I floated back up.

The other dreams of the night were completely unrelated to this. No transition of any kind.


Zombie Hunter
Last night was another night where I woke up around 3 and when I finally got back to sleep I dreamed I was still awake, trying to get to sleep. But at some point the dream transitioned enough that I realized I was dreaming. I was at some kind of military gathering. Like some kind of crappy USO show. There was a big stage with a couple guys in the center, sitting at a table with some radio equipment, and then people milling around out in the auditorium area--not remotely packed. They were going to maybe broadcast a football game or something but instead they kind of reverse prank called a radio station. They got these DJs on and were trying to find out some fact--the score of the game or the weather or something--and the DJs thought it would be entertaining to just stall and drag it out--like when a bully takes something from a little kid and holds it up out of reach. Only they didn't realize we were all just listening to them being jackasses. I know. Lame dream.

Then it transitioned to...I don't know what. I'm...at a food truck? And I'm waiting to order, but also...watching a "Simpsons" episode where there's a talking hillside that is shaped like an 8' tall Homer head and talks in Homer's voice. And later it turns out Homer actually made it to propose to Marge so he starts telling that story. By this point everyone realizes no one's going to get any food at the food truck and walks off while Homer yammers on.
All my dreams are extremely vivid on a sensory level, which makes them extremely immersive. Last night/early this morning, dreamed I put on a VR headset and started the VR version of Borderlands 2. Except there was an "intro" section that was a gift shop (for some reason.) It was full of BL2 memorabilia -- which, as an intro, makes no fucking sense, because somebody new to the game wouldn't know what any of that shit was or why it would be memorable.

Anyway, I'm walking around the gift shop taking shit off the shelf and looking it over, except that I can physically feel each of these items in my hands. Which is patently not how VR works, obviously. There's even a little sign on the shelf that bears a reminder that, "Items picked up in the gift shop will not accompany you to the real world." So I carry a little FunkoPop! style Claptrap thing out of the shop and into the opening game cinematic -- sure enough, as soon as the cinematic starts, FunkoPop! disappears. Oh, well. I stand in various unoccupied spaces throughout the cinematic, have to actually dodge train wreckage at the end of it (if you've never seen the cinematic, I'll link it below, and then find myself in the player's position at the beginning of the game, being yammered at by the actual Claptrap (box-shaped robot on a unicycle wheel, about three feet tall.)

Enjoyable but extremely odd dream.

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Can you taste and feel temperature in dreams?
Good question. To the 'can you taste' part, I can. I often have dreams where I'll pick up some random snack food thing and start eating it and actually taste it. As to temperature? I don't think I get temperature sensations in dreams. I've had more than a few where I'm several thousand feet up in the air flying around at a pretty decent speed, and although my waking self knows that should be cold as fuck, I never feel it.


Zombie Hunter
Pretty good one this morning. Long. Detailed. With subplots. Someone was getting married at, like, the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade, Mardi Gras, the Minnesota State Fair. They asked my Mom & Dad if I would be the best man and they said I would. But no one has told me who they are or where I should be or anything. So I'm wandering around this big event getting increasingly annoyed. My best friend since 5th grade is with me. This dream may take place 15-25 years ago, around the time we were roommates. No one has smart phones, my folks are still alive, and I don't think my friend is married yet in it. I'm wearing some old grey houndstooth Dockers with red "Wellie" boots and a raincoat (although I also got the feeling I was wearing my pajamas under the raincoat) because I don't feel like getting dressed when I assume I'll be changing into a tuxedo at some point. My friend, who is wearing ordinary streetclothes comments on my attire and I explain it so he shrugs and says he's going the way he is. Eventually he gets tired of my quest and goes off to enjoy the event.

By this point I'm "backstage," checking in stairwells and corridors and parking lots. Earlier, I'd been in a meeting about some stolen vehicles from Thailand that were recovered at...the airport?...so when I see a few Asian women dressed kind of like stewardesses and some Asian men dressed kind of like London "Bobbies," poring over a car and a pickup in a distant corner of the lot, I comment to them. They immediately have a hurried conversation in Thai and I wonder if I wasn't supposed to know--or tell anyone about them. Pretty soon I meet an acquaintance from work. I tell him about the wedding and he commiserates. "And you know who's fault it will be?" "Yup. Mine. For ruining everything by not being a mind reader and knowing what I was supposed to do without anyone telling me." "Yep." I'm about to tell him about the Thai police, but I realize another guy is up front that I don't know. But he's clearly security because he's just collected a baby car seat containing a Teddy Ruxpin that smells like garbage. I mention he's more dedicated than me and I'd have just left it.

Presently, I get to some kind of concert/party/buffet. All my cousins and their spouses are there and all the men are dressed in their tuxedo jackets from the late '70s/early '80s--plaid pastel blue leisure suits, white jackets with black velvet lapels, etc. Finally, I see my Mom & Dad and ask them about the wedding. They don't know what I'm talking about, say there's no wedding and I'm not the best man at it. So at that point I decide I'm off the hook and set about just enjoying everything.

That's about it. Oh, and earlier in the dream, we'd found some wedding party and we interacted briefly and the bride, who was not at all dressed like a bride, flirted with me a bit and someone said something about her being promiscuous after they'd left and I said something about not finding that surprising.
Had one last night that was good and messed up. Dreamed I was in the "Full House" house and it was shat in. As in "snowed in" but instead of snow, it was shit. I realized this because, in the dream, I'm wandering around this house and spot Bob Saget and Dave Coulier talking to a couple of little girls who turn out to be Mary-Kate and Ashley Olson. At which point I blurt out, "Aw, fuck." To which Saget and Coulier turn around and give me dirty looks, and some other girl goes, "How rude!" Then I remember that show is supposedly set in San Francisco, so I go and look for a window -- yep. No cityscape beyond the window, just shit.

So I go try to find the occupants of the house again, and the entire cast is laying in bed together. Then the band Journey shows up and starts climbing into the bed with them. I don't know what the impetus was in the dream, but I told them I was going to find a way out of there so I could get them out, and I didn't want to come back to find them all fucking each other. Saget, Coulier, and Stamos all pled innocence, but all the actresses were like, "Yeah, no, we're totally gonna be fucking each other." At which point there came a canned, "Awwwww..." from sort of everywhere, which caused all the actors to yell variations of "Shut up!" with one of the girls added, "I fucking hate it when they do that."

Anyway, the exit was through a hidden door in the corner in one of their closets. Weirdest fucking dream ever.


I love you
I hope I have another cool dream tonight
Part of me is afraid to go to sleep
The upside down world had unpleasantries I would rather not see again
but maybe I could discover a super power and use it
I mean why can't my dreams just have cute cuddly kittens and cows and animals? Do my dreams ever have animals?


Zombie Hunter
The one I remember from last night, I was living in some kind of community that had elements of my house, a military barracks, and a dormitory. We were about to be attacked by pirates or barbarians or something so everyone was making their preparations. There was a kind of cosplay element to it, where you should have sort of pirate-appropriate melee weapons and apparel, but it was clearly serious and was going to involve actual violence and bloodshed, so I wasn't looking forward to it.

Eventually we got word the raiders had been spotted, so everyone was gearing up. Of course I couldn't find any of my stuff. Everyone else had took it. Even things like, I've got this rack/cabinet that my stereo sits on IRL that holds old audiocassettes and other odds and ends. That was missing a couple of its drawers. So I'm asking the guys standing by (who've clearly been ratfucking it) it where the hell they went and they just shrug and go on their way. Finally, I spot my naval cutlass stuffed behind a headboard, up against a wardrobe and grab that so I'm not totally defenseless. I can't find a belt anywhere, so I'm just going to have to carry it around. About then, some random guy from the community comes by, holds open his coat and asks me to help him buckle on his sword. I know what's coming but I ask him where his sword is. He says he doesn't actually have one so he was kind of thinking I would give him mine.

After I told him to fuck off, I woke up.

Oh, and I wasn't looking forward to having to defend myself with the naval cutlass. It has an edge, but it's very cheap so I don't know how sturdy it is. And I'm left-handed, but the cup hilt is for a right handed person. I know the basics of swordplay, only with a foil, not a slashing weapon. And I don't really relish the thought of swordplay. At best I wind up hacking someone to pieces and being covered in blood while they die horribly, or at least are terribly maimed. At worst, I'm the one who winds up being hacked to pieces.


Boobie inspector
I woke up in the middle of the night convinced I had cocked something up at work, then I narrowed it down to either getting cocain in the rocket fuel, or getting rocket fuel in the cocian. Once I had established we don't make either at work I felt better and was able to get back to sleep.


Zombie Hunter
On similar lines, last night I dreamed that I let the dog out while I was at school, forgot to put her collar on first, and then forgot to get her. I got home and realized I had a collar, leash, and no dog, so she must be chilling in the yard at school. This isn't a big deal at my house, where the neighborhood knows, her, but a strange, black dog in a schoolyard is almost certainly going to get reported. And I changed my phone number this summer but haven't updated her microchip yet. So I was going to head over to get her but needed to check a couple other things at home first.

That's around when I realized that it's been about 35 years since I've went to the kind of school where you sit in little desks for 7 hours, 5 days a week.

(And I'm pretty sure the school in my dream was modeled on my high school, but at the location of my 1st-4th grade. I think my house was my current house...and my neighborhood was my current neighborhood, but if you walked a few blocks in one direction you were in the town was born in, with my house the distance from the elementary school.)
I almost never have dreams with animals in them, but last night I had a dream that two orange cats were following me around, walking on their hind legs, and trying to sell people car insurance. Said people kept giving me dirty looks as if it was somehow my fault.


Zombie Hunter
I'm apparently in a cycle where I don't want to be a grown-up. Last night I was, again, living in my parents' house. Well I had a bedroom at someone's house and I didn't pay rent or buy groceries or own any of the furniture and another person about my age was in the next bedroom. It wasn't explicitly my parents and brother, but that was inferred. And it wasn't my parents' house. It was more a generic 1980s southern California suburban house--think the house from "E.T." Somehow I had the contact information for an early 2000s porn star and decided to send her a fan letter. Not long after, I got 2 big packages from her. They were obviously amateurly wrapped--think hunks of styrofoam and newspaper, all taped together--and had the name of her latest compilation video written in Sharpie on the outside. Luckily no one was home at the time so I snuck it off to my bedroom to surreptitiously open it and see what it contained--and figure out how to view it. I think I had a laptop with an optical drive in the dream.
Had a weirdly political one last night. Weirdly because, as much as I derive entertainment and LOLz from politics, I don't really give the topic any thought other than composing amusing (if only to me) rants about it here and on Facebook.

It wasn't a complex dream at all, and not much actually... happened in it. I was sitting in what I'm pretty sure was a park, but there was this huge lake. So I'm sitting on the park bench, watching ducks float around and do their Duck-related activities, when Bernie Sanders sits down next to me on the bench, only way too close. Socially unacceptable back-the-fuck-up-off-me-dude close, and starts talking. That is to say, sounds are coming out of his mouth in his signature sounds-brain-dead Vermont accent, except there are no actual words. He sounds like one of the fucking Peanuts parents. "Mwaw wawww, waw-waw-wawwww..." So I get up and start walking away, and the fucker follows me around, still going, "Waw-mwawwww waw-waw-wawwww..." So I woke up out of a profound sense of annoyance.
Fell out for a Sunday afternoon nap and had a weird ass dream about celebrity cats. Not cats who became famous, although I think Grumpy Cat might have been in it somewhere, but Hollywood celebrities as cats. In particular a Jack Nicholson cat, black-and-white domestic cat with the receding hairline pattern and distinctive "eyebrows" on its face that went, "Me-owwww, heh heh heh." and a Samuel L. Jackson cat, all black, that went, "Meow, muthafucka!" Was also being followed around by a female ginger cat that would jump up on my lap and make eyes at me every time I would sit down, no idea who that one was supposed to be, though. Really hoping it was meant to be Gillian Anderson rather than Carrot Top.
Definitely not. No, these were not people CGI'd up to resemble cats. These were actual housecats with vague similarities to celebrities, who talked in their voices. I think, looking back, there might even have been a George Burns cat with a cigar, but that one didn't say anything.