FHM UK 100 sexiest women list (annotated)

[CaptainWacky]

Here's the list first say that my comments don't influence you in anyway.

1. Keira Knightley
2. Keeley Hazell
3. Scarlett Johansson
4. Angelina Jolie
5. Kelly Brook
6. Cheryl Tweedy
7. Beyonce Knowles
8. Evangeline Lilly
9. Jessica Alba
10. Jessica Simpson
11. Billie Piper
12. Sienna Miller
13. Lindsay Lohan
14. Rachel Stevens
15. Sarah Harding
16. Jennifer Love Hewitt
17. Halle Berry
18. Jennifer Aniston
19. Fearne Cotton
20. Eva Longoria
21. Mischa Barton
22. Elisha Cuthbert
23. Kate Beckinsale
24. Hayley Parsons
25. Eva Mendes
26. Charlize Theron
27. Kara Tointon
28. Rachel Bilson
29. Tanya Robinson
30. Holly Willoughby
31. Jennifer Ellison
32. Gemma Atkinson
33. Hilary Duff
34. Paris Hilton
35. Lucy Pinder
36. Brittany Murphy
37. Tera Patrick
38. Christina Aguilera
39. Lisa Snowdon
40. Charlotte Church
41. Tara Reid
42. Victoria Silvstedt
43. Jennifer Lopez
44. Maggie Grace
45. Coleen McLoughlin
46. Kate Bosworth
47. Michelle Marsh
48. Natalie Portman
49. Nicole Scherzinger
50. Chantelle Houghton
51. Natalie Pike
52. Jaime Pressly
53. Tina O’Brien
54. Brooke Burke
55. Nadine Coyle
56. Maria Sharapova
57. Nikki Sanderson
58. Charlotte Marshall
59. Jennifer Garner
60. Anna Kournikova
61. Kristen Kreuk
62. Lady Isabella Hervey
63. Holly Valance
64. Natalie Oxley
65. Joss Stone
66. Kimberley Walsh
67. Kayleigh Pearson
68. Sophie Howard
69. Fergie (Black Eyed Peas)
70. Heidi Klum
71. Sarah Michelle Gellar
72. Pamela Anderson
73. Sammy Winward
74. Naomi Watts
75. Kirsty Gallacher
76. Cameron Diaz
77. Roxanne Pallett
78. Myleene Klass
79. Katie Holmes
80. Gisele Bundchen
81. Teri Hatcher
82. Reese Witherspoon
83. Gwen Stefani
84. Nicola Roberts
85. Adele Silva
86. Rebecca Romijn
87. Kate Moss
88. Carmen Electra
89. Rachel McAdams
90. Myfanwy Waring
91. Roxanne McKee
92. Jenna Jameson
93. Jessica Biel
94. Kate Middleton
95. Josie Maran
96. Emma Griffiths
97. Joanna Krupa
98. Denise Van Outen
99. Rosario Dawson
100. Sofia Vergara

COMMENTS TO FOLLOW...

 

[CaptainWacky]

I was going to comment on EVERY ONE OF THEM then I realised that there's more I don't know than do, so I got a severe bout of apathy. THEN I decided to add Xander quotes to all the ones I didn't know, but I couldn't think of many. So I gave up.

1. Keira Knightley - OBVIOUSLY the most worthy winner in FHM's 68 year history.
2. Keeley Hazell - She's nice. Being in dozens of FHM photo-shoots and most imporantly FBI's av probaby helped.
3. Scarlett Johansson - This is about where she'd be in my list.
4. Angelina Jolie - I can JUST ABOUT see the appeal but she does nothing for me.
5. Kelly Brook - BIG SHOUT OUT TO MY OLD PAL GAGH.
6. Cheryl Tweedy - I know the word "chav" is being overused, but...
7. Beyonce Knowles - Meh, technically hot, not one of my favourites.
8. Evangeline Lilly - OMG SHE STOLE A PLANE FROM A BANK VAULT FOR SOME REASON.
9. Jessica Alba - Hotter than Jolie.
10. Jessica Simpson - Does nothing for me.
11. Billie Piper - She is hot.
12. Sienna Miller - Haven't seen much of her.
13. Lindsay Lohan - No.
14. Rachel Stevens - No.
15. Sarah Harding - Blond one from Girls Aloud, nothing special.
16. Jennifer Love Hewitt - NOPE.
17. Halle Berry - Yes, I like her (looks).
18. Jennifer Aniston - Meh.
19. Fearne Cotton - Cute.
20. Eva Longoria - She's alright.
21. Mischa Barton - I think Harkley likes her.
22. Elisha Cuthbert - Hot.
23. Kate Beckinsale - Overrated.
24. Hayley Parsons - Who?
25. Eva Mendes
26. Charlize Theron - Hot.
27. Kara Tointon - Dawn from Eastenders. Bit orange.
28. Rachel Bilson - Skinny.
29. Tanya Robinson - WHO? Seriously.
30. Holly Willoughby - Kid's tv presenter with big tits.
31. Jennifer Ellison - GOD NO, I'm getting gayer by the minute.
32. Gemma Atkinson = GAYNESS RISING.
33. Hilary Duff - RISING...
34. Paris Hilton - How can ANYONE find her hot?
35. Lucy Pinder
36. Brittany Murphy - EH.
37. Tera Patrick - Recently mentioned in the MF. COINCIDENCE?
38. Christina Aguilera - I liked her...years ago. Where's Shakira? She was much hotter.
39. Lisa Snowdon
40. Charlotte Church - Can looking minging at times, but in general I think she's quite sexy.
41. Tara Reid
42. Victoria Silvstedt
43. Jennifer Lopez - She's still around?
44. Maggie Grace - LEGS! Nearly as hot as Boone.
45. Coleen McLoughlin - NO. GOD.
46. Kate Bosworth
47. Michelle Marsh
48. Natalie Portman - Should be up there between Keira and Scarlett, or MAYBE number one.
49. Nicole Scherzinger -
50. Chantelle Houghton - NO NO NO NO NO NO NO. Shouldn't even be in the top three billion.
51. Natalie Pike
52. Jaime Pressly - Hi Crabman!
53. Tina O’Brien
54. Brooke Burke
55. Nadine Coyle - She's actually the hottest one in Girl's Aloud, my research shows.
56. Maria Sharapova - Hot.
57. Nikki Sanderson
58. Charlotte Marshall
59. Jennifer Garner - HORSE FACE.
60. Anna Kournikova - Hot.
61. Kristen Kreuk - Top ten, NO, top five, for me.
62. Lady Isabella Hervey
63. Holly Valance - SHE'S still around!?
64. Natalie Oxley
65. Joss Stone - Hot.
66. Kimberley Walsh
67. Kayleigh Pearson - "And the glorified bricklayer picks up a spare."
68. Sophie Howard
69. Fergie (Black Eyed Peas) - No. I don't believe in "butterfaces" because if I don't like the face they're a dead loss.
70. Heidi Klum
71. Sarah Michelle Gellar - How the mighty have fallen.
72. Pamela Anderson - WHAT!? EWW!
73. Sammy Winward - "There's a party in my eye-socket and everyone's invited!
74. Naomi Watts
75. Kirsty Gallacher
76. Cameron Diaz - EWW.
77. Roxanne Pallett
78. Myleene Klass
79. Katie Holmes - WHY!?
80. Gisele Bundchen - Are they just making names up now?
81. Teri Hatcher - Nope.
82. Reese Witherspoon - I used to think she was okay.
83. Gwen Stefani - Old.
84. Nicola Roberts - ginger one from Girls Aloud.
85. Adele Silva
86. Rebecca Romijn - Knows Anna personally.
87. Kate Moss - Way too low. I know she did drugs and all that shit, but come on, it's Kate Moss.
88. Carmen Electra
89. Rachel McAdams
90. Myfanwy Waring - "What's a bitca?"
91. Roxanne McKee - "Shoot us both, Spock!"
92. Jenna Jameson
93. Jessica Biel
94. Kate Middleton
95. Josie Maran
96. Emma Griffiths
97. Joanna Krupa
98. Denise Van Outen - Hot ten years ago, I have no idea what she looks like now.
99. Rosario Dawson
100. Sofia Vergara

Far too many soap actresses, but none from Neighbours!?

Poor Britney!

I'm not surprised Anna Paquin didn't make it (even though she's hotter than at least 90 of the girls on the list), but I thought Michelle Trachtenberg would have.

AT LEAST KEIRA WON, LOL BONC.

 

[CaptainWacky]

OH YEAH, not to start some boring race-debate but there's hardly any blacks or asians.

 

[CaptainWacky]

But I guess that's their own fault for being inferior.

 

[FBI parte due]

The Black Eyed Peas should be cast from society and forced to live on cattle droppings.

 

[CaptainWacky]

Yes and I need MENTY AND GAGH worse than ever.

 

[FBI parte due]

What's FHM, by the way?

 

[Unregistered]

And, it hasn't existed for 68 years.

 

[FBI parte due]

That made sense.

 

[Ishcabittle]

What's FHM, by the way?

FOR HIM MAGAZINE.

I don't know if it's good or not, I've only wacked off to the pictures.

 

[CaptainWacky]

And, it hasn't existed for 68 years.

WOW, THANKS FOR LETTING ME IN ON THAT, I HONESTLY THOUGHT IT HAD BEEN RIGHT UP UNTIL YOUR CORRECTION, YOU'RE SUCH A GREAT GUY.

 

[Tyrant]

stickyyt8y6864353jdx

 

[Gagh]

So, I was browsing and this is the only thing that urged me to get my account unlocked, so here goes...


1. Keira Knightley - Not my number one. The more I look at her these days, the more I think she could use an additional 20 pounds of weight.
2. Keeley Hazell - Who?
3. Scarlett Johansson - Hell Yeah!
4. Angelina Jolie - Ugh. Ptooey!
5. Kelly Brook - NUMBER 1, OMFG BAH BAWD!
6. Cheryl Tweedy - HOTHOTHOT
7. Beyonce Knowles - Not top 10. She's too chunky in the leg department.
8. Evangeline Lilly - Who?
9. Jessica Alba - Yep.
10. Jessica Simpson - No fucking way
11. Billie Piper - Hahahahahahaahahaa
12. Sienna Miller - She's pretty ordinary, really.
13. Lindsay Lohan - 3 years ago? Yeah. Now? Fuck, no.
14. Rachel Stevens - Top 10, please.
15. Sarah Harding - Yeah
16. Jennifer Love Hewitt - Does nothing for me.
17. Halle Berry - Yep
18. Jennifer Aniston - 10 years ago, yeah,
19. Fearne Cotton - She looks like my missus with a more hooky nose, so yeah
20. Eva Longoria - Sorta, but pushing on a bit.
21. Mischa Barton - Does nothing for me
22. Elisha Cuthbert- Schmokin!
23. Kate Beckinsale - Horrible
24. Hayley Parsons - Who?
25. Eva Mendes - I can see the attraction.
26. Charlize Theron - KINDA
27. Kara Tointon - WHO?
28. Rachel Bilson - WHO?
29. Tanya Robinson - WHO?
30. Holly Willoughby - WHO?
31. Jennifer Ellison - HUGE rack, so yes.
32. Gemma Atkinson - WHO?
33. Hilary Duff - Meh
34. Paris Hilton - Hate her.
35. Lucy Pinder - Thick as shit, but nice rack.
36. Brittany Murphy - Yeah, I like her.
37. Tera Patrick - WHO?
38. Christina Aguilera - No thanks.
39. Lisa Snowdon - I can see the point.
40. Charlotte Church -JLKSFD.LJDSGOIUHIo!"!! DBDSNFFFFFCK!
41. Tara Reid - Pre tit-op, yes. Now - washed out, greasy & fake.
42. Victoria Silvstedt - Gettin' on, but dirty bitch.
43. Jennifer Lopez - Annoying as sin, but grabbable arse.
44. Maggie Grace - WHO?
45. Coleen McLoughlin - BWWZHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA!
46. Kate Bosworth - Yeah, she's pretty nice
47. Michelle Marsh - Does fuck all for me.
48. Natalie Portman - WHAT?!?!?!!?! TOP 15 AT FUCKING LEAST
49. Nicole Scherzinger = WHO?
50. Chantelle Houghton - Thick slapper
51. Natalie Pike - Ugly. Thick. Common. Fuck off.
52. Jaime Pressly - WHO?
53. Tina O’Brien - She's nice.
54. Brooke Burke - Higher.
55. Nadine Coyle - Higher.
56. Maria Sharapova - She's spotty and annoying, but those legs...
57. Nikki Sanderson - WHO?
58. Charlotte Marshall - WHO?
59. Jennifer Garner - Oh yes!
60. Anna Kournikova - Oh yes!
61. Kristen Kreuk - Oh yes!
62. Lady Isabella Hervey - Bet she goes like a train
63. Holly Valance - She's still got it
64. Natalie Oxley - WHO?
65. Joss Stone - You would, but you'd be thinking of somebody else.
66. Kimberley Walsh - S'pose
67. Kayleigh Pearson - Kinda
68. Sophie Howard - Tart
69. Fergie (Black Eyed Peas) - Tramp, and ugly.
70. Heidi Klum - No way.
71. Sarah Michelle Gellar - You still would, but you'd be thinking of Dawn
72. Pamela Anderson - JSHGBWO;IERIPO\2!!!NFN FFFFFUCK!!!NO!!!!
73. Sammy Winward - WHO THE FUCK???
74. Naomi Watts - Yeah
75. Kirsty Gallacher - OH YES, top 20.
76. Cameron Diaz - You still would, but you'd be thinking of Justin Timberlake
77. Roxanne Pallett - WHO?
78. Myleene Klass - I like her, plus she is REALLY smart, the way I like 'em
79. Katie Holmes - HAHAHAHAAHAAHAHA
80. Gisele Bundchen - Yep
81. Teri Hatcher - Old.
82. Reese Witherspoon - I'd rather kill her, personally
83. Gwen Stefani - I'd rather slit her throat
84. Nicola Roberts - WHO?
85. Adele Silva - SJDHLJSF BLURRRRRRRRRGH!!! Minger.
86. Rebecca Romijn - Higher.
87. Kate Moss - Coke head, but hot.
88. Carmen Electra - You still would.
89. Rachel McAdams - S'pose
90. Myfanwy Waring - WHO?
91. Roxanne McKee - WHO?
92. Jenna Jameson - Nope.
93. Jessica Biel - Top 30, so yes.
94. Kate Middleton - S'pose
95. Josie Maran - WHO?
96. Emma Griffiths - WHO?
97. Joanna Krupa - WHO?
98. Denise Van Outen - Yeah.
99. Rosario Dawson - Yep.
100. Sofia Vergara - WHO?

COMMENTS TO FOLLOW...[/QUOTE]

 

[Unregistered]

Dusts you off, takes the mothballs out of your mouth.



MothMan wants those back.

 

[Gagh]

Who are you?

 

[Mentalist]

1. Keira Knightley - Not a personal choice for #1 but I can handle her taking the top spot over some of the eggs in this list.
2. Keeley Hazell - wow, this girl is actually really pretty, and she had great tits, not "bad" #2 choice.
3. Scarlett Johansson - YES
4. Angelina Jolie - Not number four material. She's not bad but she's not that good. Plus she has the tendency to look like my goldfish at feeding time.
5. Kelly Brook - Still hot. So yes.
6. Cheryl Tweedy - Common slut, sorta hot but numer #6? Nah.
7. Beyonce Knowles - She is getting a little big in the thighs but she has a very cute nature about her in the Number Ones DVD. Shout out to my man Michael Jackson! So yeah, not a bad call. Maybe a little lower.
8. Evangeline Lilly - wasn't major about her until I saw her ass. Hot damn!
9. Jessica Alba - Yeah I guess she deserves the bottom of the top ten because they're FHM Readers.
10. Jessica Simpson - No. Too much of a gimp.
11. Billie Piper - LOL
12. Sienna Miller - Meh, she's allright. Lower though.
13. Lindsay Lohan - LMAO. Fuck off.
14. Rachel Stevens - Go away.
15. Sarah Harding - Getting bored now.
16. Jennifer Love Hewitt - Shout out to the hamster that breaks everything!
17. Halle Berry - No.
18. Jennifer Aniston - Not anymore.
19. Fearne Cotton - She's allright.
20. Eva Longoria - Nah.
21. Mischa Barton - Meh.
22. Elisha Cuthbert - HIGHER - She's fuckin' fit.
23. Kate Beckinsale - Not for me.
24. Hayley Parsons - They all look the same.
25. Eva Mendes - Nice ass, not so sure about the face.
26. Charlize Theron - Classic beauty.
27. Kara Tointon - Looks a bit elf like. Go on then.
28. Rachel Bilson - Hot. Wears glasses whihc turns me on, and she looks a tiny bit like Paquin!
29. Tanya Robinson - No
30. Holly Willoughby - She's ok. Nothin' special.
31. Jennifer Ellison - Allright for a generic blonde chick. Nice tits.
32. Gemma Atkinson - Nah.
33. Hilary Duff - NO.
34. Paris Hilton - Ok, Where's Jeremey Beadle? Come on out!
35. Lucy Pinder - Meh.
36. Brittany Murphy - Nope.
37. Tera Patrick - Meh.
38. Christina Aguilera - Yes.
39. Lisa Snowdon - Meh.
40. Charlotte Church - I'd take a titty wank off her then beat he to death.
41. Tara Reid - Bad tit job. No.
42. Victoria Silvstedt - What, still?
43. Jennifer Lopez - Probably, though she was a billion times hotter ten years ago.
44. Maggie Grace -YES. Hot. Hot and Lost.
45. Coleen McLoughlin - NO.
46. Kate Bosworth - Looks like a girl I fucked ages back. So yeah.
47. Michelle Marsh - pfft.
48. Natalie Portman .... FHM readers suck. 48? FORTY EIGHT? - What a fucking trip. She's number one and thats the end of it. Classic beauty SUBLIME in everyway. I luv her. I hate FHM readers.
49. Nicole Scherzinger - Fuck off, fugg.
50. Chantelle Houghton - No.
51. Natalie Pike - She's ok.
52. Jaime Pressly - Hot.
53. Tina O’Brien - Hot.
54. Brooke Burke - Hot.
55. Nadine Coyle - NOT.
56. Maria Sharapova - Yeah.
57. Nikki Sanderson - Yes.
58. Charlotte Marshall - Nope.
59. Jennifer Garner - Meh.
60. Anna Kournikova - Yep.
61. Kristen Kreuk - Higher.
62. Lady Isabella Hervey - NO
63. Holly Valance -I hate her.
64. Natalie Oxley - Meh.
65. Joss Stone - Nah.
66. Kimberley Walsh - No
67. Kayleigh Pearson - Hot but generic.
68. Sophie Howard - No.
69. Fergie (Black Eyed Peas) - NO. Stupid bint.
70. Heidi Klum - She's kay.
71. Sarah Michelle Gellar - Yes, still hot, but it's been a slippery slope from BB&B
72. Pamela Anderson - Ahahahahhahahah! *hepetitis* ahahahahah *cough* No.
73. Sammy Winward - Umm, no.
74. Naomi Watts - Generic.
75. Kirsty Gallacher - YES.
76. Cameron Diaz - FUCK NO.
77. Roxanne Pallett - Yes, hot.
78. Myleene Klass - No.
79. Katie Holmes - Can I take a personality test? Ummm. Fuck off.
80. Gisele Bundchen -Yeah.
81. Teri Hatcher - Not anymore. No.
82. Reese Witherspoon - Hot.
83. Gwen Stefani -Still got it. I like her.
84. Nicola Roberts - Fuck off ginger bitch, smells like piss.
85. Adele Silva -Yes.
86. Rebecca Romijn - Higher
87. Kate Moss - Skinny but hot.
88. Carmen Electra - She's ok.
89. Rachel McAdams - Top FIVE. Fucking hot as fuck. HIGHER HIGHER.
90. Myfanwy Waring - Meh. ok.
91. Roxanne McKee - Nah.
92. Jenna Jameson - Blonde slut. No.
93. Jessica Biel - Yes, not bad.
94. Kate Middleton - Boring.
95. Josie Maran - Yeah.
96. Emma Griffiths -Yep, hot.
97. Joanna Krupa -Yes.
98. Denise Van Outen -Is she still hot? Probbaly a little bit. Nothing like she was ten years ago though.
99. Rosario Dawson - She was hot in Sin City
100. Sofia Vergara -Ok, I guess. Considering she's #100.

 

[CaptainWacky]

OMFG!"!ghrdfd

I wish I had actually put the effort in and looked them all up and made decent comments. Some of the ones I commented on I didn't even know for sure who they were (and reading your comments I think I got them wrong).

There's always next year!

BUT WHERE THE FUCK IS MICHELLE RYAN!?

 

[Ishcabittle]

37. Tera Patrick - Recently mentioned in the MF. COINCIDENCE?

tHANK YOU FOR REMEMBERING... I DOWNLOAD HER "FILMS" ALLTHE TIMES..

 

[Ishcabittle]

And on a serious note, this kind of effort is what's missing lately. Although don't ask me to make it.

 

[CaptainWacky]

WEll, you aren't a Brit (ARE YOU!?) so you'd know even less of them than me.