god's latest fuck you to ishcabittle

[Ishcabittle]

so, everybody masturbates, right? right, none of us are strangers to auto-eroticism. it's fun, it's free, it feels good, and up until recently the only downside was my post ejaculate guilt (as I am a Gemini, and that's par for the course).

about a week ago i had the house to myself and i figured i'd spank it. nothing new here, nothing out of the ordinary, but as i am about to blow it a huge, brain splitting headache comes out of no where and peaks just as i peak. the headache is brutal, and for a few moments i worry that i'm about to pop a blood vessel or get an aneurism or something. the headache subsides, gradually after two days.

"it was just a fluke" i tell myself, and a few days ago i gingerly try again, with the same result. now i'm worried, in pain, and a little pissed. even with everything else going on in the world, at least i have masturbation, right?

i google "masturbation headache" and apparently i'm not alone, there's a term for it even, "benign coital headache". i guess they are being generous with "coital", but apparently it is a benign headache that occurs when too much blood is trying to pump through too thin vessels.

i'm pissed because i like to spank it. it was, i thought, the one thing i could do with few to no consequences. but apparently god doesn't want me to have even the smallest pleasure. it is god specifically after me, i have no doubt.

i'm only saying this here because i needed to tell someone, and y'all aren't going to tell my mom.

 

[Dual]

I've got exactly the same problem. First time it happened I was actually having sex, and had to stop prematurely when a migraine hit me on my first orgasm. For the next couple weeks afterward, the headaches continued, in varying degrees, but eventually it got back to normal. Now I still get them, but not consistently. Awful condition, truly. You've got my sympathies.

 

[Archibald Nixon]

and up until recently the only downside was my post ejaculate guilt (as I am a Gemini, and that's par for the course)

So THAT'S what that is!

 

[headvoid]

My mom caught me at it once watching Maggie Philbin on tomorrows world. We haven't discussed that incident funnily enough.

But a headache sucks. sorry man

 

[Fuddlemiff]

I get headaches similar to that if it's early in the morning, although they're never migraine level. Hopefully it'll just be one of those problems that fades away eventually without you noticing.

 

[Ishcabittle]

true, i hope that is the case. but... here's the kicker - you have to spank it to find out if spanking it will cause a headache, and right now i don't want to spank it 'cause the headache sucked so bad.

so this is going to scare me into never spanking it again.

i have since discovered a breathing technique that reduces the pain somewhat, but ironically it makes the "session" last much, much longer. i should have discovered this technique in college, i'd be a fucking porn star. tighten your dick as you breathe in, allowing your stomach to expand all the way out, relax your dick as you breathe out. takes a long time, but the headache doesn't hurt nearly as much.

woe is me, i can't wack my willy.

 

[Dual]

Taking a few preemptive ibuprofen might help.

 

[Ishcabittle]

good idea, through experimentation we shall overcome.

 

[Cassie]

I got one of those once, but the headache didn't last for three days, only a few minutes. I think I was holding my breath and that caused it, srsly.

 

[Eggs Mayonnaise]

Have you checked your blood pressure lately? Maybe it's a way your body is telling you it's abnormally high.

OR NOT WHAT THE FUCK DO I KNOW?

 

[CaptainWacky]

I wank more than anyone in the entire world but I don't get that. But sometimes I develop a psychological block on achieving orgasm.

 

[missmanners]

true, i hope that is the case. but... here's the kicker - you have to spank it to find out if spanking it will cause a headache, and right now i don't want to spank it 'cause the headache sucked so bad.

so this is going to scare me into never spanking it again.

i have since discovered a breathing technique that reduces the pain somewhat, but ironically it makes the "session" last much, much longer. i should have discovered this technique in college, i'd be a fucking porn star. tighten your dick as you breathe in, allowing your stomach to expand all the way out, relax your dick as you breathe out. takes a long time, but the headache doesn't hurt nearly as much.

woe is me, i can't wack my willy.

Try it while sitting in a hot bath. Shallow, not deep enough to scald the goodies, but hot as you can stand it. The idea is the hot water expands the vessels in your legs and keeps more blood there letting less into your brain. (I used to get migrains, now if I feel one starting, into hot water I go)


mm

 

[Colonel Kira's Left Tit]

Dude, the same thing happened to me back in June! Worst headache EVAR! But I kept whacking it anyway and the headaches eventually went away after a few weeks.

 

[whisky]

I've had that a few times, when it starts to happen it can be days if not weeks before it goes away again.

Sometimes I think its guilt related, like if your with someone, but you are thinking of someone else, its your heads way of saying, dont think about them, think about who you are with.

I also suggest using a lighter grip than usual, and a slower pace

 

[Tisiphone]

Guess now you're just gonna have to pay hookers to suck you off that way you won't get the headaches anymore.

 

[Ishcabittle]

well that's a cheerful thought, thanks tisi.

 

[Seph]

cum through the rain, then rain down the pain.

 

[Tisiphone]

well that's a cheerful thought, thanks tisi.

I'm here for ya.

 

[FBI parte due]

You could start a "hooker union" (like a credit union, but with hookers instead of cheap loans) to ensure low prices and quality of service for people with your condition.

 

[Seph]

lmfao^