It was a dark and story night

Love Child

One Love
Once upon a time there were three chipmunks in the woods
They were looking up at the stars one night and it was so peaceful
but they were getting a little stir crazy
so they decided to go on an adventure.

They set out the next morning
 

Loktar

Pinata Whacker
And the squirrel's nuts were salty. He instantly regretted jerking off onto them earlier that night.
 

The Dork Lord

Whipping Boy
"Poison the peanuts!" Old Mrs. Druthers would shout: "It's the only way we'll be rid of these damn squirrels! They're far too small to hit with buckshot!"

Most of the town believed poison to be wholly ineffective against zombie squirrels, and had taken to crushing their cute little heads with boots and rocks, which while cathartic, not a terribly efficient means of disposal. Plus, the risk of infection could be great. No one was eager to see the effects of mutated zombie squirrel DNA on a human.

Still, the question of what poison would be effective remained...
 

The Dork Lord

Whipping Boy
"Dogs" The city cried, "We must have dogs! Free the dogs from the shelter! They will end this squirrel plague!"

This was naturally good news for Scruffy. As an ageing Black Lab in a high-kill shelter, he knew his days were numbered. But this, this was a chance. He could almost taste the freedom. Freedom, and squirrel meat...
 

NeonMercuryASH

beer, I want beer
And nuts. Roasted with nuts. It made Scruffy angry. The squirrels were pests and he was locked in a kill shelter. It wasn’t fair. He hoped the rodents had dug up every neatly tended yard in town, giving strength to his weak position. Maybe the suburbanites would need him. Maybe there would be a bone hidden in one of the holes the squirrels dug up.
 

whisky

Boobie inspector
The bone turned out to be from an ancient pre historic squirrel that where six foot high, and carnavors. When the squirrels managed to chew through to the marrow the DNA was transferred into the squirrels, mutating them into...
 
Goldie Hawn lookalikes with a thirst for human blood! (And Cosmopolitans!)

And yet, in such terrible times, as often happens, a HERO would arise! A hero for our modern age, when cynicism and man-buns have sapped us all of our manly vigor. Yet this one man, nay, this god among men, who had swung his leg over many a chair, who had squinted at the face of True Evil and left no bite of Gorgonzola cheese unvanquished, was about to have his day!

And so the world rejoiced at the appearance of their savior, the mighty Jonathan Frakes! He stepped forth and said unto the gathered masses...
 
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