Judge Tomtrek: The Case of the missing onions

[Dr Dave]

Balif: All rise, court is now in order. The honerable Jude Tomtrek presiding.

Judge Tomtrek: Be seated

a whopie cushion is heard.

Judge Tomtrek: Quietly if at all possible.

The court clerk hands a file to Judge Tomtrek

"Thank you court reporter Fuddlemiff" said Tomtrek as he opend the file.

The court murdered in anticipation of the case.

"Alright, Mr.Prosecutor you may proceed with your opening statements." said Judge Tomtrek

"Thank you you're honour. On May 11th, in the year of our ford 2011, Cassie of Florida was in her house. While she slept there was somebody in her garden. She woke up and went to the front porch, where the garden was near. She saw a figure picking up onions, onions from her garden. The person dropped the onions immediately, and ran off, but tripped on other things in the garden. That person who Cassie immediately apprehended, is none other then....headvoid!" said Mr.Prosecutor.

To be continued...

 

[CaptainWacky]

!

 

[Dr Dave]

The prosecutor sat down after he finished his opening statement.

The defence attorney got up, and it was no other then Defence Attorney Fuddlemiff.

"The prosecutor has said many things, only some of it true. Somebody did steal Cassie's onions, but it was not headvoid, a fine young man. Who else you must ask yourself could have stolen Cassie's onions? What naturally comes to mind, yes that's right... Canadians! One Canadian has come to mind, that is no other then curiousa2z! I will prove that other people could have stolen onions, and in fact other people did. Thank you." said Defence Attorney Fuddlemiff

Judge Tomtrek banged his gavel.

"We're done for today, witnesses will be presented tomorrow" Said Judge Tomtrek

To be continued...

 

[Loktar]

I've never seen a trial recess after just the short opening statements.

I DECLARE A MISTRIAL! THIS IS A TRAVESTY OF JUSTICE!

 

[Dr Dave]

Tisiphone watched a news program.

"Turning to the court beat, the trial of headvoid finished opening statements. The Prosecution will present the first day of it's witnesses tomorrow. We are expected to hear from Farmer Joe, her neighbor, Police Detective Sausageman. It's sure to be the court trial of the season." said the news anchor"

"That's right Bob, now to sports. Apparently the Canadians are big into Ice Hockey and lost to an american team!" said news anchor two.

"Coming up next, a sports event" said Bob.

To be continued...

 

[Loktar]

Or at the rate they take recess, the trial of the millenium.

 

[Dr Dave]

THEY TAKE THEM SO PEOPLE CAN EAT HAMS!

 

[Dr Dave]

I apologise for telling you to fuck off Loktar.

 

[The Tomtrek]

WHERE ARE THOSE FUCKING ONIONS???

 

[Loktar]

Not with Rolf.

[YOUTUBE]JE1mG9SdFUw[/YOUTUBE]

 

[headvoid]

I did actually steal some Onions once. All my life I have waited for this moment to come clean.

 

[Dr Dave]

Judge Tomtrek finished watching his favourite program Cat Cleaners when he realised it was time to get back into the court room.

Back in the court room, the witnesses were ready to testify.

"Call your first witness Mr.Prosecutor" said Judge Tomtrek

"I call Police Detective Sausageman to the stand" said Mr.Prosecutor

Sausageman took the stand

"You arrived at Cassie's farm at 7pm on the night in question is that correct?" asked Mr.Prosecutor.

"That's right" said Police Detective Sausageman

"Tell us about that night" said the prosecutor

"Well, I arrived that evening from town and took statements from Cassie, the owner of the penis farm and Farmer Joe, a neighbour and farmer of picked penguins. Cassie testified that she She woke up and went to the front porch, where the garden was near. She saw a figure picking up onions from her garden. The person dropped the onions immediately, and ran off, but tripped on other things in the garden. Farmer Joe who was up spanking his wife on his porch saw a man run off" said Police Detective Sausageman

"And Farmer Joe, was he the next day able to identify the suspect from THE BOOK OF CRIMINAL PICTURES?!" said Mr.Prosecutor

"Yes, he identified headvoid as the person who tried to steal Cassie's onions" said Police Detective Sausageman.

"You're witness Defence Attorney Fuddlemiff" said Mr.Prosecutor.

To be continued...

 

[Gagh]

Noooooooo, it was never continued!

 

[Dr Dave]

Defence Attorney Fuddlemiff got up looked directly at the witness and said "Is it not true, DETECTIVE Sasuageman, that you once went blind and that you are currently half blind?"

"No" replied Detective Sausageman

"Is it not true then, that you were once suspened 12 days, for lieing on the stand!?" said Defence Attorney Fuddlemiff

"Nope" replied Detective Sausageman

Defence Attorney Fuddlemiff was sweating a lot.

"No further questions..." said Defence Attorney Fuddlemiff as he fained IN OPEN COURT.

To be continued...

 

[CaptainWacky]

I knew it would be back.

 

[Dr Dave]

The gallary blew up with the hushed tones of excitement as Defense Attorney Fuddlemiff fell to the ground.

"Order in the court!" said Jude Tomtrek as he banged his gavel STRONGLY

The court Balif went over to Defense Attorney Fuddlemiff and rubbed some smelling salts set in a old sock once owned by smelly foot poster 19 and Fuddlemuff got up.

"Errr no further questions..." he muttered

"Very well, Mr. Prosecutor call your next witness

"I call Farmer Joe to the stand!" said the Prosecutor

Farmer Joe walked over to the stand, with his banjo.

"Jude, with your permission, I'd like to give my testomony in song" said Farmer Joe

"OBJECTION! This is a court room, not a square dance!" said Fuddlemiff

"I'll allow it." replied Jude Tomtrek

"Alright Farmer Joe, tell us your tale" said the prosecutor

Farmer Joe tuned his banjo and began playing

"I call this one, theaving man. Wellll late one night I was at my field, tossing rocks at my old bench press, when one day I saw a man....running away from Cassie's farm. Ohhhh thieving man oh thieving man, I saw you run by me, as fast as you can, and I see thee in this courtroom, yeeeeeee!!! He's right there, at the defence table!" sang Farmer Joe

"To be clear, FOR ALL TO SEE, do you mean the defendant or the man next to him?" asked Mr.Prosecutor

"I mean the defendent, that low life fug tree" said Farmer Joe

"Let the record show, that the man running from Cassie's penis farm is non other then headvoid!" said Mr.Prosecutor

"Objection! That song was prejudicial, my client has not been identified as the theif, but mearly seen running from the property" said Defense Attorney Fuddlemiff

"Objection substained" said Jude Tomtrek

"OH HELLLLL NOOOOO!" shouted a random woman in the court room

"Order in the court!" said Jude Tomtrek banging his gavel again

To be continued...

 

[Dr Dave]

double post

:hat:

 

[Gagh]

Farmer Joe is not to be trusted!

 

[CaptainWacky]

It's a twisted court indeed.

 

[Dr Dave]

Judge Tomtrek called a recess for the day and went to his chambers. It was dark, except for a light on in the cornor and a man sitting in a chair, sipping what smelled like scotch.

"Judge" he said

"Ah old man Dr Dave..." said Judge Tomtrek as he turned on the lights.

"It is I" replied Dr Dave

"I haven't seen you since The Case of the large lake" said Jude Tomtrek

"Yes, I've been busy with my Detective Busniess, I've been in the trail of Gagh" said Dr Dave

"Gagh...hmm...I had not heard that name in some time, not since the case of the lost cokes" said Judge Tomtrek

"Don't forget the case of the broken door knobs. But I digreess. I have tracked Gagh here to Florida, and I have reason to belive he my be close...closer then you might think" said Dr Dave

"Who..." said Judge Tomtrek

"I'm not sure, I think he may be in disguise as somebody in this very case. May I observe the trial?" asked Dr Dave

"Yes, of course." said Judge Tomtrek

Dr Dave nodded, took one last sip of his scotch and got up and left.

To be continued...