Michael Bay remaking Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

[CaptainWacky]

http://www.guardian.co.uk/film/filmblog/2012/mar/19/michael-bay-ninja-turtles-aliens

"Kids are going to believe one day that these turtles actually do exist when we are done with this movie. These turtles are from an alien race and they are going to be tough, edgy, funny and completely lovable."

What an absolute cunt.

 

[The Tomtrek]

I can't wait for the three minute long shot of April O'Neil's ass while Michelangelo eats too much pizza and ends up shitting all over Bebop's face.

You know, for the kids.

 

[Eggs Mayonnaise]

What kind of asshole sits around bemoaning the fact that no one has made the definitive, most realistic TMNT?

Jeebus man, adjust your meds, breathe into a paper bag, and do a romcom.

 

[headvoid]

I think he has started to enjoy being a cunt. He must wake up and think "How can I be a complete cunt today? Maybe I will do a remake of Bladerunner - YES!"

 

[Cassie]

There's a meteor with his name on it.

 

[CaptainWacky]

It would just hit a gay black guy with a hilarious little dog.

 

[headvoid]

The Phrase "when we are done with this movie" also makes me think of a victim of gang rape.

 

[The Tomtrek]

It's annoying because the CGI Turtles film they did a few years back was actually pretty damn good.

 

[Dr Dave]

I remember that being decent.

 

[Fuddlemiff]

The original TMNT were created by radioactive sewage, right?

 

[The Tomtrek]

I'll probably have a really stupid scene where the turtles wander into a concert by some sort of popular musician and then have a fight scene to the music who starts to rap about being a ninja turtle and the turtles dance.

 

[Loktar]

The original TMNT were created by radioactive sewage, right?

Radioactive ooze.

http://tmnt.wikia.com/wiki/Origin

 

[Fuddlemiff]

Well, Michael Bay always strikes me as a bit of a right wing nutjob, so I expect he changed their origin to avoid pissing off some big business twatfaces he's friends with.

Plus this'll give him an excuse to have yet another movie open with fireballs raining down on Earth.

 

[CaptainWacky]

I hope they get Kevin Nash back as Super Shredder.

 

[SAUSAGEMAN]

[youtube]uaQCMg-QGNU[/youtube]

 

[Gagh]

NBNNNNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEYOOOOAAHAHA!!!! BANG BANG THWACK THWUNK WALLOP BASH BASH BASH BASH SLICE!!! CHOPP!!! "COWABUNGA!"" ****EXPLODES**** KAAAAAAAPOWWWWW!!!! BASH BASH "PIZZA!" BANG BANG BANG SLICE CHOP THUNK "GOOD JOB APRIL IS 21 YEARS OLD, LOOKS LIKE AN UNDERWEAR MODEL AND HAS COME TO BATTLE IN HER BIKINI AND OILED UP!" BANG BANG CRASH FLASH FIZZLE

CREDITS.


(And you know what - I'll still watch it, and I'll still probably enjoy iy)

 

[Cassie]

http://www.theonion.com/articles/michael-bay-signs-50m-deal-to-fuck-up-thundercats,2702/

 

[CaptainWacky]

I'm sure I read it at the time AND IT'S STILL GOOD (after three whole years!)

 

[Yub]

Keep it up, Bay. One day you'll make someone snap badly enough that they'll beat you to death dressed as Casey Jones.