stoopid jokes from mom's email

[Donovan]

So my mother forwards every stoopid mass joke that comes her way and most of them are redneck or anti-Obama but some are not bad. Such as...

A woman agrees to watch her neighbors dogs for a weekend, unaware that they are a male/female pair and not fixed. Sure enough in the middle of the night she hears horrible howls and cries and gets up from bed to find them stuck together in postsex, with the male dog completely unable to free himself.
Horrified, she calls her veterinarian at home and asks him how to get the two dogs free of each other. The vet is silent for a moment then says " hang up the phone and place it next to the dogs. I'll call back. The ringing will distract the male and his erection will gp away. Then he can get free."
The woman says "Will that really work?"
The doctor says "it did on me."

 

[Loktar]

LOL

 

[Gagh]

Isn't it funny when your folks try to use computers? My dear old Mum plays so many Zynga games on Facebook, I think she'll explode one day.

 

[Loktar]

Isn't it funny when your folks try to use computers?

No its sad. I gave up teaching my mom to use a computer after HOURS of trying to teach her to double click.

 

[Donovan]

Mine consistently tries to answer the facebook notification emails.

 

[Donovan]

A man goes to his doctor to get a vasectomy. The nurse tells him to completely strip and lie on the table. When he does so, the nurse also gets naked, climbs on top and has sex with him. Then she tells him to get dressed and go wait in a room where he sees several men masturbating in little booths. He asks the nurse what the heck is going on, and she explains that vasectomies have been proven much more effective if the male ejaculates right before the procedure.
"That's why I had sex with you" she says.
The man says "well that makes sense but what about those other guys?"
The nurse says "Oh they're here for vasectomies too. But you're Blue Choice and they're ObamaCare."

 

[jack]

rofl

A man walks into a bar and orders a shot then looks into his pocket. he does this over and over again. finally the bartender asks why he orders a shot and after drinking it he looks into his pocket.

The man responded "I have a picture of my wife in there and when she starts to look good then i'll go home."