CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
(Thing through Tim from The Office is on Hitler ate us.)
fkasgahah
h
f
hfdahf
h
sgthis is meaingelsls
have to remember that doing nothing is not a vicotry
it's all life
fjagk
asg
agkjg
it's tnosag
ag
aaaaaaaa
don't let th emine field die that's why I exist
gjagaggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg
g
______________________________________________
(The new Pope steps out onto the balcony. The Catholics go crazy.)
Pope: Hey, thanks! Thanks! It is with GREAT PLEASURE that I stand before YE today as you're new fucking pope! Yeah! BOOGIE!
(Catholics look a bit confused.)
Pope: Hahahahaha! DIG IT! MOOO YEAH! Hahaha. Sorry. I've been planning this for so long. FINALLY MY DREAM HAS COME TRUE. Forgive me a little craziness. In case you can't tell, I am fucking awesome. Look, I'm not even wearing any pants!
(He steps out from behind the podium, revealing that he is wearing nothing on his bottom half. His penis stands proud and erect before the shocked Catholics.)
Pope: Now that's POPE PENIS for you! Now I now what you're all thinking, how could I have bee pope-elected? What were the Papal Conclave thinking? THEY WEREN'T THINKING! I KILLED THEM ALL!
(Shocked gasps.)
Pope: See, I've still got some brain matter on me! Hahaha! AAAAAA-HAHAHAHAHAHA! I BUTCHERED THEM LIKE HOGS. So yeah, that's how. I killed them. But how, you may ask? Well...I'M FROM THE FUTURE!
(Suddenly his legs turn to METAL.)
Pope: OBSERVE MY FUTURISTIC METAL LEGS FROM THE FUTURE. You see the Papal Conclave were about to elect POPE TERRIBLE THE NINTH. He would have ruled the world as an evil DICK-tator if I hadn't travelled back in time and butchered him and them like hogs. Don't try to kill me, by the way, I have a personal forcefield ERECTED around my hot body. So yeah, now I'M the only pope in POPETOWN. YOU STINKING PEOPLE BETTER BELIEVE IT. Yeah, I might not want to kill millions of people like Pope Terrible would have...but I'm not exactly nice either. First of all, I want you all to renounce your Catholicism. Better yet, renounce Christianity. NONE OF IT IS REAL. I'm from the future, so I should know! Jesus never comes back! So go on, renounce it.
(Everyone just looks confused, cries, or boos.)
Pope: RENOUNCE IT.
(He shoots lightning from his hands, killing hundreds of people.)
Pope: RENOUNCE OR BURN!
(People flee in terror. He sighs and shoots more lightning from his hands.)
Pope: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA, THIS FEELS GOOD, BECAUSE OF FUTURE TECHNOLOGY IS CAN LITERALLY FEEL ALL OF YOUR DEATHS AS THEY HAPPEN AND IT'S GETTING ME HORNY!
(He starts masturbating while still shooting lightning out of his nipples and anus.)
Pope: OH YEAH! NOW, I'LL ALSO REQUIRE A THOUSAND FOOT TALL STATUE OF ME MADE OF SOLID GOLD. AND ALL YOUR WOMEN SENT TO MY BEDROOM FOR INSPECTION. GET TO IT OR I'LL BLOW UP FRANCE. ACTUALLY, I'LL JUST BLOW UP FRANCE ANYWAY AS A DEMONSTARTION OF MY POWER.
(France blows up.)
Pope: YEAH, JUST BLEW UP FRANCE. AND NOW YOU KNOW I'M SERIOUS IT'S TIME FOR ME TO TAKE A POPE NAME. AND, IN AN IRONIC DECISION, THAT POPE NAME WILL BE....POPE TERRIBLE! TO REMIND YOU ALL THAT IT COULD HAVE BEEN WORSE! BURN! BURN!
(He burn more people and blows up Sweeden.)
Pope: HAHAHAH! KNEEL BEFORE POPE TERRILBE! HAHAHAHA...wait. Pope Terrible used to say that all the time. And in the future...there's no France or Sweeden. Could that be because I blew them up all along? Could it be...that I am actually Pope Terrible? That this ia pre-destination paradox? SEND FOR STEPHEN HAWKING!
(Stephen Hawking is dragged into the Vatican and prsented to the pope.)
Pope Terrible: AM I THE VERY DICTATOR I TRAVELED BACK IN TIME TO STOP?
Hawking: Yeah, obviously, you fucking idiot.
Pope Terrible: Well in that case...might as well go with it!
(He pushes Hawking out of a window and shoots lightning out of his cock, blowing up several cities.)
Pope Terrible: AND AS I'M FROM THE FUTURE I KNOW I LIVE UNTIL FIVE HUNDRED YEAR OLD AND LEAVE THE WORLD IN RUINS AND NO ONE EVER STOPS ME AND EVENTUALLY I HAVE A SON WHO HATES ME AND TRAVELS BACK IN TIME TO STOP ME USING MY OWN TECHNOLOGY BUT IT CORRUPTS HIM AND HE BECOMES ME AND THIS CYCLE WILL NOW PLAY OUT FOR ALL ETERNITY UNINTERRUPED WITH NOTHING BUT PAIN AND DEATH FOR ALL OF HUAMNITY AND WITH NO POSSIBLE ESCAPE THE END!
(He sits down.)
Pope Terrible: But I wish I didn't feel so lonely!
(He sobs silently. He's human! Then he snaps out of it and blows up George Lucas.)
Pope Terrible: THAT'S FOR EMPIRE STRIKES BACK. I HATED THAT MOVIE!
THE END
fkasgahah
h
f
hfdahf
h
sgthis is meaingelsls
have to remember that doing nothing is not a vicotry
it's all life
fjagk
asg
agkjg
it's tnosag
ag
aaaaaaaa
don't let th emine field die that's why I exist
gjagaggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg
g
______________________________________________
(The new Pope steps out onto the balcony. The Catholics go crazy.)
Pope: Hey, thanks! Thanks! It is with GREAT PLEASURE that I stand before YE today as you're new fucking pope! Yeah! BOOGIE!
(Catholics look a bit confused.)
Pope: Hahahahaha! DIG IT! MOOO YEAH! Hahaha. Sorry. I've been planning this for so long. FINALLY MY DREAM HAS COME TRUE. Forgive me a little craziness. In case you can't tell, I am fucking awesome. Look, I'm not even wearing any pants!
(He steps out from behind the podium, revealing that he is wearing nothing on his bottom half. His penis stands proud and erect before the shocked Catholics.)
Pope: Now that's POPE PENIS for you! Now I now what you're all thinking, how could I have bee pope-elected? What were the Papal Conclave thinking? THEY WEREN'T THINKING! I KILLED THEM ALL!
(Shocked gasps.)
Pope: See, I've still got some brain matter on me! Hahaha! AAAAAA-HAHAHAHAHAHA! I BUTCHERED THEM LIKE HOGS. So yeah, that's how. I killed them. But how, you may ask? Well...I'M FROM THE FUTURE!
(Suddenly his legs turn to METAL.)
Pope: OBSERVE MY FUTURISTIC METAL LEGS FROM THE FUTURE. You see the Papal Conclave were about to elect POPE TERRIBLE THE NINTH. He would have ruled the world as an evil DICK-tator if I hadn't travelled back in time and butchered him and them like hogs. Don't try to kill me, by the way, I have a personal forcefield ERECTED around my hot body. So yeah, now I'M the only pope in POPETOWN. YOU STINKING PEOPLE BETTER BELIEVE IT. Yeah, I might not want to kill millions of people like Pope Terrible would have...but I'm not exactly nice either. First of all, I want you all to renounce your Catholicism. Better yet, renounce Christianity. NONE OF IT IS REAL. I'm from the future, so I should know! Jesus never comes back! So go on, renounce it.
(Everyone just looks confused, cries, or boos.)
Pope: RENOUNCE IT.
(He shoots lightning from his hands, killing hundreds of people.)
Pope: RENOUNCE OR BURN!
(People flee in terror. He sighs and shoots more lightning from his hands.)
Pope: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA, THIS FEELS GOOD, BECAUSE OF FUTURE TECHNOLOGY IS CAN LITERALLY FEEL ALL OF YOUR DEATHS AS THEY HAPPEN AND IT'S GETTING ME HORNY!
(He starts masturbating while still shooting lightning out of his nipples and anus.)
Pope: OH YEAH! NOW, I'LL ALSO REQUIRE A THOUSAND FOOT TALL STATUE OF ME MADE OF SOLID GOLD. AND ALL YOUR WOMEN SENT TO MY BEDROOM FOR INSPECTION. GET TO IT OR I'LL BLOW UP FRANCE. ACTUALLY, I'LL JUST BLOW UP FRANCE ANYWAY AS A DEMONSTARTION OF MY POWER.
(France blows up.)
Pope: YEAH, JUST BLEW UP FRANCE. AND NOW YOU KNOW I'M SERIOUS IT'S TIME FOR ME TO TAKE A POPE NAME. AND, IN AN IRONIC DECISION, THAT POPE NAME WILL BE....POPE TERRIBLE! TO REMIND YOU ALL THAT IT COULD HAVE BEEN WORSE! BURN! BURN!
(He burn more people and blows up Sweeden.)
Pope: HAHAHAH! KNEEL BEFORE POPE TERRILBE! HAHAHAHA...wait. Pope Terrible used to say that all the time. And in the future...there's no France or Sweeden. Could that be because I blew them up all along? Could it be...that I am actually Pope Terrible? That this ia pre-destination paradox? SEND FOR STEPHEN HAWKING!
(Stephen Hawking is dragged into the Vatican and prsented to the pope.)
Pope Terrible: AM I THE VERY DICTATOR I TRAVELED BACK IN TIME TO STOP?
Hawking: Yeah, obviously, you fucking idiot.
Pope Terrible: Well in that case...might as well go with it!
(He pushes Hawking out of a window and shoots lightning out of his cock, blowing up several cities.)
Pope Terrible: AND AS I'M FROM THE FUTURE I KNOW I LIVE UNTIL FIVE HUNDRED YEAR OLD AND LEAVE THE WORLD IN RUINS AND NO ONE EVER STOPS ME AND EVENTUALLY I HAVE A SON WHO HATES ME AND TRAVELS BACK IN TIME TO STOP ME USING MY OWN TECHNOLOGY BUT IT CORRUPTS HIM AND HE BECOMES ME AND THIS CYCLE WILL NOW PLAY OUT FOR ALL ETERNITY UNINTERRUPED WITH NOTHING BUT PAIN AND DEATH FOR ALL OF HUAMNITY AND WITH NO POSSIBLE ESCAPE THE END!
(He sits down.)
Pope Terrible: But I wish I didn't feel so lonely!
(He sobs silently. He's human! Then he snaps out of it and blows up George Lucas.)
Pope Terrible: THAT'S FOR EMPIRE STRIKES BACK. I HATED THAT MOVIE!
THE END
