thing of the day (thing+774)


I want to smell dark matter

(Kermit is sitting shaking on the beach after throwing up. Gonzo hands him a drink but Kemit can't bring it to his mouth. He just sits there.)

Piggy: Kermie, what's wrong? What did you see?

Kermit: You're all...alive. Or...are you dreams? Oh God, that would be perfect, wouldn't it? If you just died for real and now I've just deamed you up.

Honeydew: We're real, Kermit, see? The "we are the dreamers not the dream" light is flashing on my machine!

Kermit: What does that mean? What does any of it mean? The machine could be a dream too.

Skeeter: Yesh, enough of this "wah wah, I can't trust reality!" crap. You're as big a bitch as my brother.

Scooter: Hey! Don't use gendered insults!

(Skeeter gives Scooter a wedige so severe that Scooter startst to bleed from his crotch.)

Skeeter: Just fucking relax and eat a coconut or something.

Kermit: I saw you all chopped to pieces. By Rector. Nanny's boyfriend. He's behind all this. He said he was studying us. Studying our dreams. Our control of reality.

Beaker: Meep?

Honeydew: Quite right, Beaker! It made my mind go to The Matrix too. Did he tell us all of this is a simulation, Kermit?

Kermit: No, he never said that. What?

Honeydew: Oh, you know, the theory that we're all living in a simulation created by some advanced alien civilisation.

Fozzie: That's not the Matrix! In the Matrix we're all dreaming, but we still have real bodies. In simulation theory our bodies were never real. It's all running on computers, all of it. Every moment of our lives. Our hopes, our fears. Our dreams. All of it electronic. Waka waka!

Kermit: None of this has anything to do with what I'm saying!

Piggy: What are you saying, Kermie?

Kermit: You all died, horribly. And I did nothing. I was too scared. I just listened to your screams.

Piggy: Even the screams

Kermit: Even yours, Piggy.

Gonzo: But you said it wasn't real, Kermit. It's okay.

Kermit: I didn't know for sure. I...I still don't.

(Rowlf starts playing 'Where Is Your Mind' on the piano.)

Kermit: I just...I don't know if I can be the leader anymomre.

Scoote: Maybe I could lead!

(Skeeter absolutely smashis his face in with a shovel she had for some reason.)

Kermit: Just give me some time alone, okay?

(The others walk away and leave him. Piggy gives Kermit one lingering look.)

Piggy: I don't know what to say to you right now.

(She walks away.)

Kermit: I don't deserve them, not anymore. I can't even be on this island with them a moment longer.

(He notices that Honeydew has left his inception machine behind. Kermit picks it up and his hand hovers over the button.)

Kermit: Wherever it takes me...they'll be better off without me.

(Piggy notices what he's doing and runs towards him.)

Piggy: No, Kermie, don't go! Don't leave me! I'm sorry!

(But she's too late. Kermit presses the button and the island disappears around him. He finds himself in a swamp.)

Kermit: I'm...home?

Voice: Uncy Kermit!

(He turns round to see his young nephew Robin is there.)

Kermit: Robin! I've missed you, sweet boy.

Robin: I've missed you too, Uncy Kermit. What are you doing here?

Kermit: I'm looking for something. Perhaps we could find it togther.

Robin: The rainbow connection?

(Kermit smiles.)

Kermit: You could call it that.

Robin: Well, we better hurry.

Kermit: There's no hurry, kid. I want to enjoy being home. Hey, where are the tadpoles?

Robin: Don't you know? Why, the darkness ate them.

Kermit: The what?

Robin: The darkness, Uncy Kermit. It comes for us all. It's taken so many already. That's why we have to hurry. Oh no, here it comes now!

(Kermit looks around. At first he can't see anything. Then he notices that the swamp seems to just end not far from them.)

Kermit: I don't understand.

(He steps towards it, and finds that more of the swamp is just gone.)

Robin: Don't encourage it! Oh no, it has our souls in its sight now. Run, Uncy Kermit, run!