Wacky Reviews: Star Trek

[CaptainWacky]

Assignment: Earth - The Enterprise has travelled back in time to 1968 ON PURPOSE to do "historical research." If that sounds really stupid it's beause that is really stupid! The last time they went back to this era they nearly fucked up the future. You'd think they'd learn! A man in a suit with a cat beams onboard. He's a human from the 20th century and he's been living on another planet and recognises the Enterprise as being from the future. He says he has an assignment on Earth and they have to let him go. He tries to escape and his cat beats up a redshirt so Kirk stuns him. Spock enjoys stroking the cat! The United States is launching an orbital nuclear platform today (that didn't happen!) and Spock suspects that's why Seven is here. Seven uses some kind of SONIC SCREWDRIVER to escape and we then follow Seven on Earth in his secret base. It's pretty unusual for Star Trek. It's almost like we're watching the Gary Seven Show!? He gives some exposition about his mission to a snobbish computer. He's taking the place of some missing agents. Kirk and Spock (in his usual hat disguise) beam down to look at him. A woman named Roberta arrives and he gets her to work on his self-typing typewriter for some reason. I mean it's typing by itself, why does he need her? She's just a normal human secretary and what does any of this have to do with Star Trek? I don't know.

Kirk and Spock arrive at the office at last but Seven and his cat use his teleporter to escape and arrive at the launch site of the nuclear platform. Kirk finds plans to the rocket base in Seven's office. Kirk, Spock and two police officers are beamed up to the Enterprise. The cops are beamed right back down but it still happened! Won't this fuck up the timeline? Guess not. Gary Seven breaks into the launch pad by freezing people with his sonic and it's all a bit dull and goes on way too long. We get lots of stock footage of rockets and control rooms and stuff. Scotty watches on tv. Gary does something to the rocket while his cat walks on his back. Kirk and Spock are arrested to give them something to do. I have to again stress just how BORING this all is. It's literally just Seven messing around with a rocket, cut to Scotty watching, cut to Roberta acting confused, cut to Kirk and Spock standing around for like ten minutes. The Enterprise tries to beam Seven up but Roberta (accidentally) beams him back to his office. Kirk somehow manages to record a Captain's log while in custody (how does that work?) The rocket launches and Kirk and Spock look concerned even though they don't actually know what's going on. In a normal episode they would have escaped by now, but since it's a Gary Seven episode they just have to stand around.

Seven remotely arms the rocket. Roberta knocks him down but he tells her she has to let him finish what he started or World War 3 will begin. Spock FINALLY Vulcan nerve pinches a guard about twenty minutes after they were arrested and they beam over to Seven's office. They randomly decide to trust Seven and he detonates the warhead. This prevents World War 3 because...reasons? Who the fuck knows? It's nonsense. Roberta sees the cat turn into a hot woman (who still purrs) and it turns back to a cat again. FINALLY IT'S OVER.

Okay, you probably know that this episode was supposed to be a backdoor pilot for a Gary Seven spin-off which (obviously) never happened. That doesn't excuse the fact that this is a bad epiosde of Star Trek. If you took the Enterprise and its crew out of the episode it would make no difference to the story at all. This is a Gary Seven story and that story is...really fucking dull? They establish a lot of stuff about Seven early, including that he's a good guy, so there's no tension about what whether he's trying to do good or evil. The second half of the episode drags horribly with very little dialogue and countless repetitive scenes of people standng around waiting for something to happen. Then it ends and nothing is explained (are we supposed to think the US was launching a nuclear attack on another country and Seven stopped it? Maybe!?) and there's an almost complete lack of humour. Maybe Seven and Roberta could have been part of an entertaining story as both are pretty well acted, but this certainly was not it!

(Was Roddenberry actually ripping off Doctor Who with Gary Seven?)

SCORE: 3/10

 

[whisky]

Watching this again after watching friends, Roberta always reminded me of Pheobe, I guess it reminded the friends producers too, since they cast her as her mother.

 

[CaptainWacky]

She hated Gene Roddenberry because he kept coming on set and shortening her skirt, so I guess they would have recast if they'd ever done a Gary Seven series.

(I'm taking a break before season 3 by they way, FOR REASONS WHICH SHALL BECOME CLEAR.)

 

[CaptainWacky]

Spock's Brain - Season 3! We almost didn't get one. Soctty's hair looks different! (He seems to have aged about ten years between seasons.) I'm sure they'll want to start off with a great episode! A sexy woman beams onboard. The "sexy woman" music plays. She makes everyone pass out by pressing some buttons. She touches Spock's head...and after the titles (which are BLUE NOW!?) McCoy tells us that Spock's brain is gone.

Huh...

It's pretty clear right away that something isn't right here. You've got Kirk and McCoy having deadly serious conversations about trying to find Spock's brain ("Where are you going to look for Spock's brain, Jim?") Every time they say "Spock's brain!" I laugh but it's not meant to be funny! This isnt a comedy episode! I mean it IS a comedy episode, but it doesn't know it's a comedy episode. Kirk, Chekov and Sulu debate which planet the sexy women are on and Uhura asks "what do they want with Spock's brain?" Kirk, Chekov, Scotty's weird new hair and some redshirts beam down to a planet where they're attacked by bearded men throwing unconvincing rocks and sticks. Just when it starts getting boring again, Bones beams down WITH SPOCK'S REMOTE CONTROLLED BODY. It's amazing. Kirk, Bones, Zombie Spock and Scotty take a cave elevator(?) down to an underground woman base and a woman smiles at Kirk so he shoots her. He asks her what she's done with Spock's Brain!

Turns out she has the mind of a child and then Spock starts talking to Kirk through his communicator. How is he talking when he's a sidembodied brain? DON'T ASK, OKAY. The hot woman who stole Spock's brain knocks them out, though it turns out she has the mind of a child too so that's kind of embarrassing for Kirk! She gets frustrated and utters the immortal phrase "brain and brain, what is brain!" Kirk, Bones and Scotty have a fight with some manslaves and it cuts to a reaction shot of zombie Spock which makes me lol. Turns out Spock's brain is in a computer or something and he seems quite smug about it! As soon as they find the Spcok Computer the head thick woman just presses her pain button again to knock them down, but they work out that Zombie Spock is immune to it and he presses a button that makes their pain belts fly off.

Turns out there's someone called "The Controller" who gives the women instructions with a special helmet and makes them smart for three hours at a time. Spock's brain is used to power "The Teacher" for some woman. Bones puts the special helmet on and is taught how to put Spock's brain back in his body. The woman says they'll die without The Teacher but Kirk's all like "meh, you'll probably be fine." McCoy starts to forget how to do the surgery but repairs Spock's speech centre so Spock can talk him through it (but Spock's already talking before he's repaired the speech centre...somehow.) McCoy completes the surgery WITHOUT EVEN MESSING UP SPOCK'S HAIR. Spock won't stop talking (that Spock!) and everyone laughs and what the fuck did I just watch.

So obviously this is objectively terrible. The script is an absolute joke, nothing makes sense, Spock is walking around without a brain...it's insane. It's poorly directed and looks cheaper than the first two seasons too. But it is watchable! You can't deny that. Even if you're just watching to see how stupid it's going to get. There's many unintentional(?) laugh out loud moments. It's not boring, or when it does get boring someone will say something about "Spock's brain" and you'll just laugh again. So I don't know. It's pretty hard to rate. It's utter shit but it's the very definition of "so bad it's good."

SCORE: 6/10?

 

[CaptainWacky]

The Enterprise Incident - Kirk's gone space nuts! He's being a jerk to everyone and he orders the Enterprise to fly through the Neutral Zone. Some Romulans (in Klingon ships!?) show up and surround the Enterprise. Kirk agrees to let himself and Spock be taken hostage by the Romulan Commander A LADY ROMULAN. She doesn't buy Kirk's bullshit explanations. Spock admits that Kirk's gone space mad and Kirk threatens to kill him with some amazing Shatner acting. The Romulan Commander doesn't blame the rest of the crew for entering the Neutral Zone because Spock said it was solely Kirk's orders, but Scotty doesn't trust her. The Romulan Comander starts to seduce Spock by pointing out he should be Commander of his own shit. But who's REALLY doing the seducing here!?

Kirk is injured trying to escape the Romulans so McCoy beams over to treat him. Spock keeps flirting with the Romulan Commander in his logical Vulcan way. She really wants to win him over beause he's so sexy. Kirk starts threatening to kill Spock again...and Spock KILLS HIM with the Vulcan Death Grip! McCoy reports that Kirk is dead. Holy shit season three is wild! First Spock's brain is stolen, now they've killed Kirk! Of course in the next scene Kirk wakes up in front of Chapel and McCoy finally confirms that it's all a ruse and Spock isn't really evil. Well, that's a relief! Scotty goes to Sickbay and finds Kirk surgically altered to appear Romulan! This spy intrigue just got even more intriguing! Kirk beams over to the Romulan ship disguised as an escaped Romulan and luckily no one recognises him as the Enterprise Captain.

Spock and the Romulan Commander have a sexy date. She's obviously gagging for some Spock cock. Their chemistry is pretty convncing and the sexy music helps. To fully win her trust she wants Spock to command a party of Romulans onto the Enterprise and take command. Spock says not right now...it can wait an hour. An hour of shagging! She even dresses up all sexy for him while Spock talks to Kirk. Spock says her attire will "stimulate" their conversation and they do sexy finger touching. Kirk steals the cloaking device (that's what this was all about) and beams back over to the Enterprise, but Spock is discovered and the Romulan Commander slaps him. Spock asks what her present form of execution is. He's stone cold!

Spock confesses all his crimes to the Romulan Commander, using some obscure Romulan custom to stall her. Spock and the Commander are both beamed aboard the Enterprise (why didn't they have shields up?) and the Enterprise escapes using the Romulan's new more advanced cloak. The Romulan Commander stays polite and seems to respect Kirk outsmarting her, which is nice. Spock tells her that all the Federation wanted is the cloaking device. She asks what he wanted. Spock hopes they exchanged something more permanent. We still get a comedy ending with Spock saying Kirk looks ugly with pointy ears!

It's a very good episode. Lots of twists and turns (it's halfway through before we even find out that Kirk hasn't really gone mad) and a very strong guest performance by Joanne Linville as the Romulan Commander. The problem is when you start thinking about Kirk's plan it's pretty bizarre: why send him back on the Romulan ship in dsiguise when he's the one Enterprise crewmember the Romulans are most likely to recognise? While it's great to see a strong female character commanding a starship, she is seduced by Spock awfully quickly. You'd think an experienced Romulan Commader would be more suspicious of a Vulcan (and would think "hey, there's no such thing as the Vulcan Death Grip!") But still it's a strong episode and while 'Spock's Brain' was fun it's nice to see that season three can also produce a good episode on purpose.

SCORE: 8.5/10

 

[whisky]

The thing I like about season 3 is that they got a rear projection viewscreen, so now they didnt have to do matt lines they keep walking in front of it.

 

[CaptainWacky]

The Paradise Syndrome - Kirk, Spock and McCoy find some Native Americans in space, along with a mysterious obelisk. An asteroid is going to hit their planet and kill them. Kirk instantly falls in love with the planet, as always seems to happen when the Enterprise finds one of these paradise planets. The Enterprise is working to deflect the asteroid for some reason (what about the Prime Directive?) Kirk says "Kirk to Enterprise" on the obelisk and a trapdoor opens. Spock and and McCoy have to leave to deflect the asteroid. Kirk gets AMNESIA and starts speaking in voiceover. I guess that's a side effect of amnesia. When he comes out of the obelisk the native people think he's a God or something. He performs CPR to save a child and that confirms it! Meanwhile the Enterprise struggles with what to do with the asteroid.

A native girl named Miramanee refuses to marry the medicine chief because Kirk is the new medecine chief. Forgetful Kirk seems to like his new position because people keep bringing fruit to him. The Enterprise engines are burned out and McCoy lectures Spock again. It was take the two months to get back to Kirk. Scotty cries "my bairns, my poor barins" about his engines but sadly we have to go back to Kirk and Miramanee, who are now in love. Wait, when did that happen? They skipped quite a lot there! Shatner does a hilarious happy face and starts talking in voiceover again. He gets in a fight with his love rival but won't kill him. Spock keeps trying to decipher the writings on the obelisk. Kirk and Miramanee do some very unconvincing chasing each other and kissing. Kirk keeps saying he's happy just so you get it! But he is having dreams about the Enterprise...

Miramanee is pregnant but the sky is being scary. She wants Kirk to go inside the obelisk and save them but it won't let him in. Meanwhile Spock has figured out that the obelisk was left by a "super race" called The Preservers who save dying races and seed them throughout the galaxy. McCoy suggest that's why there's so many humanoids throughout the galaxy! Interesting! Of course we got a different explanation for that in the Henoch episode, but maybe it can be two things. Kirk and Miramanee are stoned for being liars. Wow, these noble, peaceful Indians turned fast! Spock mind melds with Kirk (but calls it the "Vulcan mind fusion" for some reason) to fix his memory. Spock tells Kirk to get his mind on saving everyone even while Miramanee is dying. Kirk figures out that saying "Kirk to Enterprise" is what openst he trapdoor. That's quite the coincidence! Miramanee dies in Kirk's arms and it's sad but not Edith Keeler sad. The music isn't really sad enough either and "PRODUCED BY FRED FREIBERG" appears on screen practically as she's taking her last breath.

The main problem with this episode is that it's kind of dull. The Kirk/Miramanee romance isn't done as well as it could be. We skip all the important parts and Shatner doesn't really do his best acting when they're happy together. It is sad that she ends up being STONED TO DEATH when pregnant by her own people though! And I do like how Spock turns out to be a competent commander and figures stuff out without Kirk. But another thing I don't like is the idea that this is the first time Kirk has ever been "truly happy." I don't buy that Kirk secretly craves the simple life. In 'This Side of Paradise' he couldn't be turned into a hippy by the spores because he loved the Enterprise and being a starship Captain too much! So I don't find Kirk to be in character here. The Preservers are an interesting idea but they're just mentioned once and don't come up again. We don't find out what's going to happen to the natives now that they don't have Kirk anymore and they have to live with having stoned poor Miramanee to death. So yeah, there's good stuff in here but the execution is lacking.

SCORE: 6/10

 

[CaptainWacky]

And The Children Shall Lead - The Enterprise arrives at a planet where all the adults have apparently killed themslves but the children are still alive and don't give a fuck. This is potentially creepy but really just comes across as stupid and annoying. Kirk gets a feeling of anxiety in a cave and Shatner does some terrible acting. Spock doesn't feel it. The kids eat some ice cream and do some bad acting (but really they're kids, you can't totally blame them, the director has to be blamed too.) Kirk tells security that the kids are to be under "constant watch" and then the next scene they're doing a weird Satanic prayer unsupervised. They call a green man who talks like a robot and holy shit this is just as bad as everybody said! I know this guy isn't even an actor (he as a lawyer) but that's no excuse! Depite being under "constant watch", the kids are allowed to just walk onto the Bridge and into Engineering and start fucking people up. They use their powers by pumping their fists, for some fucking reason! Spock gives some dull exposition about a legendary evil which the kids have released. McCoy tells Kirk not to do anything to the kids because it could affect their grieving process. I don't know, I think MURDERING THEIR OWN PARENTS is worse than anything Kirk could do to them!

The kids just openly do their creepy prayer on the Bridge whle Uhura watches smiling. The angel does some terrible acting right in front of Kirk and the rest. At this point why don't they just lock the kids up in the Bridge? Stun them? Have Spock nerve pinch them? Uhura sees herself as an old woman in a mirror she has at her station for some reason (women, eh!) Sulu sees swords in space. Kirk starts talking backwards? If any of this sounds good, it isn't. It's all shit! Then Shatner does unquestionably his worst acting yet ("I'm losing my ability to Command!") It's so obvious that he doesn't give a fuck anymore and I can't really blame him! James Doohan then attemps to out-bad-act him but nobody's doing that! Rather than do bad acting, Leonard Nimoy has resorted to doing no acting at all and just kind of stands there doing nothing. After some terrible drama and hideously shot fight scenes, Kirk summons the Angel to the Bridge (and somehow knows its name is Gorgan.) Kirk shows the kids video of them playing with their parents, then the parents lying dead. The kids are sad now but umm didn't they kill their parents themselves? Why are they suddenly sad about it now? Gorgan goes all ugly because the kids don't believe in him anymore. McCoy is happy that the kids are crying because that means something! THE END. FOREVER.

Remember how well 'Charlie X' did the "young person with super powers" thing? It's really sad how far the show has fallen since then. There's NOTHING GOOD in this. Nothing! Not the writing, not the acting, not the plot (which as I just said was done well before), nothing! It's worse than 'The Alternative Factor'. At least in that one I don't think the entire cast had given up. This is painful. It fel like it lasted two hours. Don't watch it. Ever.

SCORE: 0/10

 

[Eggs Mayonnaise]

The Enterprise Incident - Kirk's gone space nuts! He's being a jerk to everyone and he orders the Enterprise to fly through the Neutral Zone. Some Romulans (in Klingon ships!?) show up and surround the Enterprise. Kirk agrees to let himself and Spock be taken hostage by the Romulan Commander A LADY ROMULAN. She doesn't buy Kirk's bullshit explanations. Spock admits that Kirk's gone space mad and Kirk threatens to kill him with some amazing Shatner acting. The Romulan Commander doesn't blame the rest of the crew for entering the Neutral Zone because Spock said it was solely Kirk's orders, but Scotty doesn't trust her. The Romulan Comander starts to seduce Spock by pointing out he should be Commander of his own shit. But who's REALLY doing the seducing here!?

Kirk is injured trying to escape the Romulans so McCoy beams over to treat him. Spock keeps flirting with the Romulan Commander in his logical Vulcan way. She really wants to win him over beause he's so sexy. Kirk starts threatening to kill Spock again...and Spock KILLS HIM with the Vulcan Death Grip! McCoy reports that Kirk is dead. Holy shit season three is wild! First Spock's brain is stolen, now they've killed Kirk! Of course in the next scene Kirk wakes up in front of Chapel and McCoy finally confirms that it's all a ruse and Spock isn't really evil. Well, that's a relief! Scotty goes to Sickbay and finds Kirk surgically altered to appear Romulan! This spy intrigue just got even more intriguing! Kirk beams over to the Romulan ship disguised as an escaped Romulan and luckily no one recognises him as the Enterprise Captain.

Spock and the Romulan Commander have a sexy date. She's obviously gagging for some Spock cock. Their chemistry is pretty convncing and the sexy music helps. To fully win her trust she wants Spock to command a party of Romulans onto the Enterprise and take command. Spock says not right now...it can wait an hour. An hour of shagging! She even dresses up all sexy for him while Spock talks to Kirk. Spock says her attire will "stimulate" their conversation and they do sexy finger touching. Kirk steals the cloaking device (that's what this was all about) and beams back over to the Enterprise, but Spock is discovered and the Romulan Commander slaps him. Spock asks what her present form of execution is. He's stone cold!

Spock confesses all his crimes to the Romulan Commander, using some obscure Romulan custom to stall her. Spock and the Commander are both beamed aboard the Enterprise (why didn't they have shields up?) and the Enterprise escapes using the Romulan's new more advanced cloak. The Romulan Commander stays polite and seems to respect Kirk outsmarting her, which is nice. Spock tells her that all the Federation wanted is the cloaking device. She asks what he wanted. Spock hopes they exchanged something more permanent. We still get a comedy ending with Spock saying Kirk looks ugly with pointy ears!

It's a very good episode. Lots of twists and turns (it's halfway through before we even find out that Kirk hasn't really gone mad) and a very strong guest performance by Joanne Linville as the Romulan Commander. The problem is when you start thinking about Kirk's plan it's pretty bizarre: why send him back on the Romulan ship in dsiguise when he's the one Enterprise crewmember the Romulans are most likely to recognise? While it's great to see a strong female character commanding a starship, she is seduced by Spock awfully quickly. You'd think an experienced Romulan Commader would be more suspicious of a Vulcan (and would think "hey, there's no such thing as the Vulcan Death Grip!") But still it's a strong episode and while 'Spock's Brain' was fun it's nice to see that season three can also produce a good episode on purpose.

SCORE: 8.5/10

THIS WAS ON TV THE OTHER NIGHT AND I WATCHED IT AND LIKED IT AND AGREE WITH ALL THE THINGS HERE

 

[CaptainWacky]

Did nerds know that DC Fontana was a woman during the original run?

 

[whisky]

I think the actors were so pissed off that a lawyer would get a role in this episode (I forget if he was a friend of Gene's or Fred's) that they collectedly decided to just phone in their acting for the whole episode.

 

[Colonel Kira's Left Tit]

Did nerds know that DC Fontana was a woman during the original run?

This nerd did, but my original run was in the 1970s. So I dunno!

 

[CaptainWacky]

Is There In Truth No Beauty - There's a race of aliens known as the Medusans, whose thoughts are so beautiful that their physical appearance is exacltly the opposite. In fact they're so ugly that if you look at them you'll go insane! No humancan even be in the same room as it. Kirk says this at the start of the episode as if it all makes sense! It really doesn't! A Medusan ambassador comes onboard the Enterprise with a human interpreter Dr. Miranda Jones played by Diana Muldaur. It seems strange to have her back when just a season ago she played a completely different prominent guest character. Her hair is different but her voice is very distinct. But things were different in the sixties! Spock and Jones can be arround the Medusan if they wear visors. The flashing effect used when they talk to it is quite good. Jones is a human telepath(?) who studied on Vulcan. I wasn't planning to write a lot about this episode but there's a lot of information in the first ten minutes!

There's a really weird dinner scene with the senoir crew and Jones (and two Yeoman serving them? They never mention Yeomans anymore.) Jones notices Spock's "Vulcan IDIC" and think he's wearing it to point out that he can talk to the ambassador and she can't (that's not the weird part of the scene.) Everyone keeps talking about how ugly things are bad and how they can't understand why someone so beautiful would look at ugliness. Even after she explains herself they just keep telling her she's too beauitful to work with ugliness. It's weird. And really patronising and sexist. Then she says someone is going to be murdered. There's also a guy named Larry who's in love with Jones and doesn't understand why she loves ugliness and blah blah blah I'm really sick of how sexist TOS is! Larry tries to kill the Medusan but looks at it and goes mad. Becaue he's insane he goes to Engineering and fucks up the ship. There's some cool direction during his fight scene with Scotty and some angles we've never seen the sets shot from before. The music's good too. It helps the "insane" feeling of the moment. He flies the Enterprise through the galactic barrier (yep, that again) and warns everyone never to love Miranda. Then dies of madness!

Since the Medusans are great navigators, Kirk thinks the ambassador can get them back to their galaxy. Spock wans that Miranda won't want him mind melding with the ambassador because she's jealous (surely she'd want to get home though?) Kirk tries to distract Miranda by flirting with her because...I'm not sure why, really. Why not ask her for help first? He again keeps going on about how she's too beautiful to spend her time with ugliness. Then HUGE PLOT TWIST: Miranda is blind. Her dress sees for her. She finally lets Spock Mind Meld (which they annoyingly keep calling "mind link") with the Medusan so Nimoy gets to show emotion again. He flies the Enterprise back into the galaxy. He gives up Spock's body but forgot to put Spock's visor back on (Kirk won't just throw it to Spock for some reason) so Spock sees the ambassador and goes mad. Kirk blames Miranda for some reason and accuses her of wanting Spock to die because she's jealous he mind linked with the Medusan. He throws her against a wall. It's not really clear if he's supposed to be right about her or not? She eventually heals him by mind melding. She talks about the infinite diversity of life and says Vulcan things to Spock the end.

This episode is weird becaue it has some good ideas and nice direction but is let down by a pretty bad script. Characters just keep repeating the same "Miranda is too beautiful to work with the ugly!" thing again and again. It's weird how everyone acts like she's the most perfect amazing beautiful woman they've ever met. The Medusan thing could have worked if it had just been that the Medusan looked too strange for the human mind to comprehend, but they ruin it by just focusing on it being "ugly." I don't really get what they're trying to say in the end because they just keep adding more and more and whatever the message was gets muddled. And yet it still has some interesting stuff and the sequence with Larry going mad is really well done.

SCORE: 6/10

 

[whisky]

This was another one the actors didn't like as basically Rodenberry pitched it as an excuse to sell IDIC replicas to fans.

 

[CaptainWacky]

Spectre of the Gun - An alien named the Melkot tells the Enterprise that they're encroaching on Melkon space and must leave. Kirk instead insists on enforcing "peaceful relations" on the Melkot and beams down with Spock, McCoy, Scotty and Chekov. Even though the aliens asked them nicely to leave. The Melkot punish them by...trapping them in a Hollywood backlot old west set. Yep, it's one of those episodes! The two is incomplete with some of the buildings just being facades, which was no doubt to save money but actually gives the episode a kind of creepy, unreal quality. Kirk just happens to be an expect on the old west I guess and realises they're about to take part in the gunfight at the OK Corral. They meet the Earp Brothers and do typical western stuff. Chekov snogs a girl. Kirk tries to find a way out of the situation. It's all a bit slow paced. Nobody believes that he's a spaceman from the future. They keep talking about ways to get out of it. Meanwhile Chekov keeps trying to get off with the girl even though she isn't really and he's going to die in a few hours. Chekov is the worst. Then they talk about a way out some more.

McCoy and Spock try to make a tranquilliser. McCoy meets Doc Holliday the dentist. Chekov's phantom girlfriend wants to marry him. Are we supposed to care about this? I don't know. Fortunately Chekov is shot and killed soon after. No more Chekov! Things are looking up! McCoy has a go at Spock for not being sad that Chekov's dead, but really why would he be? Spock realises that the character Chekov was playing survived in the historical event so that means they can change the future (which was kind of obvious since they're in a surreal alien recreation and not the actual old west.) Kirk tries to get help from the sheriff to beat the Earps. Kirk starts going mad for some reason saying "I CAN'T JUST KILL THEM." Why not? They're not real! They try their tranquilliser on Scotty but it doesn't work. They're magically transported to the OK Corral. Spock realises that because none of this is real, they can't be harmed if they don't believe that the bullets are real. It's by far the most interesting part of the episode! Spock mind melds with them all to make them believe the bullets aren't real. The Earps shoot them but the bullets just pass through. Kirk shows mercy to the Earps and suddenly they're back on the Bridge with Chekov alive again (sadly.) The Melkot probe thing blows up for some reason. The Melkot is impressed that Kirk didn't kill (yep, it was a test all along!) and wants to be friends now. Kirk says something about choosing not to be violent which would have been better written back in season one the end.

Star Trek is getting really tried in its third season. This is yet another episode where they end up on an Earthlike planet and are tested by an advanced race. I do like the look of the town, it's nice and surreal with the red sky and only a partial set. And Spock's end solution is fun. But there's not enough here to fill fifty minutes. They talk and talk and repeat the same information a lot and the Chekov subplot is painful. Not a good episode really!

SCORE: 5/10

 

[Colonel Kira's Left Tit]

I do like the look of the town, it's nice and surreal with the red sky and only a partial set.

SCORE: 5/10

Possibly the one time the severely curtailed budget of s3 actually helped an episode! I like that part too.

 

[whisky]

Deforrest Kelly was in the film gunfight at the OK corral.

 

[CaptainWacky]

Day of the Dove - A Federation Colony has been wiped out, including Chekov's brother. Some Klingons arrived and claim that Kirk has attacked their ship. And right away I have to mention the blackface in this episode is at a whole other level of blackface. I mean I know the Klingons in previous episodes were white guys with shoe polish on their face, but they've used some extra glossy shoe polish or something this time. Industrial level shoe polish. It's distracting. On the plus side we have Michael Ansara as the Klingon Commander Kang and he says the Klingons have no Devil. Everyone seems to be acting a bit weird and over the top but there's a weird alien swirling around behind them so maybe that's why! Kirk manages to get Scotty to trap the Klingons in the transporter beam and Chekov wants them all to die. Kang's lady Klingon wife talks about the Federation having death camps and it's quite clever how the Klingons obviously believe that the Federation are evil (due to propaganda.) Everyone's acting super racist, except Uhura who's just gotten a bit whiney? Something goes wrong with the Enterprise and Kirk blames Kang and beams them up. Suddenly swords start appearing in everybody's hands! Most of the Enterprise crew are trapped so that the numbers are even between them and the Klingons. It'a almost like a swirly alien is doing all this! Racist Chekov runs off to stab some Klingons to death and Sulu reveals that Chekov never had a brother! Scotty (whose hair has changed again if you're keeping track!) finds a claymore and sword fights some Klingons who are defeate by...karate chops.

The computer tells Kirk and Spock about the energy alien on the ship. Racist McCoy doesn't want to make peace with the Klingons. It's not one of DeForsest Kelley's better performances. Scotty calls the Klingons "fuzz-faced goons!" It's weird that the rest of the crew turn racist so quick but Kirk and Spock stay normal because they're the main characters? Kirk works out that the war's all been staged for them and is disgusted by the race hatred he's been made to feel. Chekov tries to rape Kang's wife but Kirk stops him. Kirk carries sleepy Chekov away like a child (aww) and starts talking to the camera for some reason. The alien is healing the crew so they can keep fighting endlessly. McCoy and Spock apologise to each other for being racist. Kirk and Spock figure out the alien is eating their hatred or something while the Klingon lady (Mara) just stands there in silence. Then despite having just seen the alien herself she still tells Kang it's a trick. Kirk threatens to kill her to speak to Kang and when he doesn't she finally believes he's telling the truth. Kirk and Mara do some intra-ship beaming (which apparently super risky...for some reason?) to talk to Kang. It doens't work and everyone starts sword fighting with everyone else. The alien stupidly appears in front of them so Kirk can point it out to Kang. The alien has no power without hatred (METAPHOR TIME) and everyone (even Kang!) laughs to send it packing. And the episode just ends like that!

This is an episode that I think would have been great back in season one but in season three there's something missing. Compare it to 'Errand of Mercy' for example and the writing and performances here just aren't as sharp. You could say that everyone is acting so over the top because of the entity, but Kirk is generally not effected by it yet still acts in a pretty hammy way (because Shatner doesn't seem to give a shit anymore.) There's some good lines ("only a fool would fight in a burning house" or whatever Kang said) but it doesn't really have a piont to be made beyond "hatred is bad!" It doesn't really explore if the hatred was inside the crew all along and the entity brought it out or if it was all down to the entity changing their brains. It's also weird that Chekov doesn't appear again after Kirk carries him off. They could have got some good drama out of him discovering that he doesn't really have a brother! He also should have apologised to Mara for attempting to rape her. But it's still a fun episode with Michael Ansara making a good Klingon and a very memorable ending.

SCORE: 7.5/10

 

[whisky]

I remember years ago my brother was very impressed with the ease that Shatner lifted Koneig off the floor.

 

[CaptainWacky]

For the World is Hollow and I Have Touched The Sky - For of all, that's a great name for an episode! McCoy tells Kirk that he (McCoy) only has a year to live! That's a sad way to start an episode. The Enterprise encounters an asteroid that actually turns out to be a huge alien bio-dome-like spaceship, carrying passengers who think they're living on an actual planet. They've been in flight for over ten thousands years and have their own society on their fake planet, complete with an evil computer ruler (called the Oracle) who tortures Kirk, Spock and McCoy. Yep, evil computers in charge of societies are back! An old man says the name of the episode so the computer punishes him with death. Kirk tells McCoy to distract the sexy lady ruler while he and Spock bring down the civilisation. She literally says "men of space" and tells McCoy she wants him to be her mate. They literally just met. McCoy has lived a lonely life and since he only has a year to live he decides what the fuck, he'll marry her!

Kirk and Spock overheard hot woman asking the Oracle for permission to marry McCoy and then the Oracle tortures them. McCoy manages to convince her to not kill them. He tells Kirk and Spock he wants to stay even though the ship/planet is going to crash into another planet and kill him. McCoy and his lady have some boring talk about secrets and a forbidden book and stuff. Kirk is ordered to leave the ship/planet/thing behind. McCoy calls to tell Kirk about the secret book but the Oracle punishes him. Kirk tells the lady the truth. More boring stuff happens. The Oracle is malfunctioning so Kirk and Spock just take the forbidden book and go into his hidden computer place and kill him. McCoy wants the lady to come with him to travel through the universe and find a cure. Then Spock finds out that the creators of the planet had a great deal of medical knowloedge and wouldn't you knowit, they can cure McCoy's illness! But I guess McCoy still leaves his wife behind for reason.

THIS EPISODE IS FUCKING BORING. It sounds like it should be good! The spaceship that thinks it's a planet is an interesting idea, as is the computer punishing them when they use "forbidden" words. But we only see two people from the planet: the lady (who is a bad actress) and an old man who dies right away. McCoy dying could have been a good story, but it just results in him wanting to get married then changing his mind really quick. It doesn't help that DeForest Kelley gives a pretty dull peformance. Maybe he's trying to play it like McCoy is physically weak from illness, I don't know, but the result isn't fun to watch. Shatner and Nimoy seem to be sleepwalking through it too. SEASON THREE IS BORING.

SCORE: 4/10