CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
"There you are," said Lisa, walking slowly towards Johnny. He was standing at the very edge of the roof. "Johnny? Come away from the edge, please?"
"Nah, I'm going to jump," said Johnny calmly. "But we can talk first."
"Johnny...don't jump," it was all she could think to say. Lisa felt so stupid suddenly. Maybe it was the panic. Johnny seemed much calmer than her.
"Lisa, I am going to jump, I've decided. It's time to end my farce of a life."
"Your life isn't..."
"Please. I've known it for years. I've never been normal. That's fine. A lot of people who aren't normal still go onto live productive lives. Contribute something. Me? I've done nothing. I have nothing to give. There's nothing in me. You...you were supposed to be my salvation. No, I'm not blaming you, it's entirely my fault. Making things work with you was my last chance, my absolute last chance to live a worthwile life. I failed. It all went wrong."
"Johnny, I don't care about what happened down there..."
"You were crying."
"Yes, I was upset, because I care about you! I know you have problems. I've accepted that. I want to help you with them."
"There is no help. Don't try to argue with me, please. I've heard it all before."
"But you've said yourself, you've never had someone like me before. We're a couple. In love."
"Are we? Or was that just a role I was playing for a while?"
"What we had wasn't fake, it was real...it is real."
"There's nothing real about me! I take any roles! Guises! Characters! That's all! Johnny Nose, he was my most successful character. Probably the one closest to the real me, not that there is such a thing. He was utterly crazy. He could do whatever he wanted. I like that. Sometimes. It distracted me anyway. I did have to think about things, because I was just crazy old Johnny Nose. But with you...I had to think. I had to be normal...I couldn't just go out on crazy whims. It was too hard. TOO FUCKING HARD."
"But you were doing so well..."
"I was talking to people who weren't there! Typing out crazed ramblings on my keyboard to get through the day! I hid it all from you. We were never a couple! You never knew the real me."
"I love you."
"You love what I created. I STALKED YOU FOR MONTHS. DO YOU GET THAT? I made myself the perfect man for you!"
"I...I don't care...it was real..."
"Haha, you're breaking down with me, stupid bitch!"
"Shut up!"
"Good. GIVE IN! HAHAHA!"
"This isn't you!"
"It is! MEEP MEEP! PENGUINS ARE SEXY! ELLEN PAGE EATS LETTUCE."
"You're just taking the easy way out! Again! Acting crazy!"
"Sabotaging, you could say."
"Yes! You're scared! So scared that things between us are real! So scared of taking a chance!"
"Haha, you're a lesbian."
"GROW UP. GROW THE FUCK UP."
"Nah!"
"Fine, jump then."
"Okay, WHEEEEEEEEE!" He didn't jump.
"Or take my hand. Just take my hand Johnny. We can get through this. I can help you, your mum can help you, even Fists and Zoe, all of us! You just have to take my hand. Don't even say anything else! Just take my hand and come downstairs."
"And...and we can get through this."
"Yes! Yes, we can! You have a choice, Johnny. To jump off that roof and end your life or be with me! Jump or take my hand."
Johnny thought. And, for a moment, a short but significant glorious moment, he could imagine himself taking her hand and going on to live his dream life like her, as he had planned all along.
But then he thought back. Way back, to the first time he had seen her. And remembered. He remembered that his plan, when he started stalking Lisa, hadn't been to date Lisa, hadn't been to make her love him. His plan had been to destroy her. He had seen her, just randomly in the street one day, and thought she was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. That had made him angry. That had made him want to destroy her. That's why he had started stalking her, as a way to end this perfect girl. Over the weeks things had changed. He had fallen in love with her. For real. It made him sick to think about it now. He realised, that deep down, he'd rather destroy her than love her. And yet, here she was, offering him this chance, this chance that he did not deserve, a chance at a normal life. All he had to do was take her hand, as she had said. Take a chance.
"Please, Johnny."
"I'll take your hand," he said. And he did.
"Oh thank you, thank you!" A sick smile came over Johnny's face as an idea came to him. The kind of idea he used to have, the kind of idea he knew was the wrong thing to do, utterly wrong, but the kind of thing he'd do anyway. He could not resist. He was Johnny Nose.
"I'll take your hand...AND jump off the roof. WE'LL BE TOGETHER! AHAHAHAHA!"
"NO!"
Johnny grabbed Lisa tight and pulled her off the roof with him.
"Nah, I'm going to jump," said Johnny calmly. "But we can talk first."
"Johnny...don't jump," it was all she could think to say. Lisa felt so stupid suddenly. Maybe it was the panic. Johnny seemed much calmer than her.
"Lisa, I am going to jump, I've decided. It's time to end my farce of a life."
"Your life isn't..."
"Please. I've known it for years. I've never been normal. That's fine. A lot of people who aren't normal still go onto live productive lives. Contribute something. Me? I've done nothing. I have nothing to give. There's nothing in me. You...you were supposed to be my salvation. No, I'm not blaming you, it's entirely my fault. Making things work with you was my last chance, my absolute last chance to live a worthwile life. I failed. It all went wrong."
"Johnny, I don't care about what happened down there..."
"You were crying."
"Yes, I was upset, because I care about you! I know you have problems. I've accepted that. I want to help you with them."
"There is no help. Don't try to argue with me, please. I've heard it all before."
"But you've said yourself, you've never had someone like me before. We're a couple. In love."
"Are we? Or was that just a role I was playing for a while?"
"What we had wasn't fake, it was real...it is real."
"There's nothing real about me! I take any roles! Guises! Characters! That's all! Johnny Nose, he was my most successful character. Probably the one closest to the real me, not that there is such a thing. He was utterly crazy. He could do whatever he wanted. I like that. Sometimes. It distracted me anyway. I did have to think about things, because I was just crazy old Johnny Nose. But with you...I had to think. I had to be normal...I couldn't just go out on crazy whims. It was too hard. TOO FUCKING HARD."
"But you were doing so well..."
"I was talking to people who weren't there! Typing out crazed ramblings on my keyboard to get through the day! I hid it all from you. We were never a couple! You never knew the real me."
"I love you."
"You love what I created. I STALKED YOU FOR MONTHS. DO YOU GET THAT? I made myself the perfect man for you!"
"I...I don't care...it was real..."
"Haha, you're breaking down with me, stupid bitch!"
"Shut up!"
"Good. GIVE IN! HAHAHA!"
"This isn't you!"
"It is! MEEP MEEP! PENGUINS ARE SEXY! ELLEN PAGE EATS LETTUCE."
"You're just taking the easy way out! Again! Acting crazy!"
"Sabotaging, you could say."
"Yes! You're scared! So scared that things between us are real! So scared of taking a chance!"
"Haha, you're a lesbian."
"GROW UP. GROW THE FUCK UP."
"Nah!"
"Fine, jump then."
"Okay, WHEEEEEEEEE!" He didn't jump.
"Or take my hand. Just take my hand Johnny. We can get through this. I can help you, your mum can help you, even Fists and Zoe, all of us! You just have to take my hand. Don't even say anything else! Just take my hand and come downstairs."
"And...and we can get through this."
"Yes! Yes, we can! You have a choice, Johnny. To jump off that roof and end your life or be with me! Jump or take my hand."
Johnny thought. And, for a moment, a short but significant glorious moment, he could imagine himself taking her hand and going on to live his dream life like her, as he had planned all along.
But then he thought back. Way back, to the first time he had seen her. And remembered. He remembered that his plan, when he started stalking Lisa, hadn't been to date Lisa, hadn't been to make her love him. His plan had been to destroy her. He had seen her, just randomly in the street one day, and thought she was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. That had made him angry. That had made him want to destroy her. That's why he had started stalking her, as a way to end this perfect girl. Over the weeks things had changed. He had fallen in love with her. For real. It made him sick to think about it now. He realised, that deep down, he'd rather destroy her than love her. And yet, here she was, offering him this chance, this chance that he did not deserve, a chance at a normal life. All he had to do was take her hand, as she had said. Take a chance.
"Please, Johnny."
"I'll take your hand," he said. And he did.
"Oh thank you, thank you!" A sick smile came over Johnny's face as an idea came to him. The kind of idea he used to have, the kind of idea he knew was the wrong thing to do, utterly wrong, but the kind of thing he'd do anyway. He could not resist. He was Johnny Nose.
"I'll take your hand...AND jump off the roof. WE'LL BE TOGETHER! AHAHAHAHA!"
"NO!"
Johnny grabbed Lisa tight and pulled her off the roof with him.
